I (19M) broke up with my (20F) gf of 2 and 1/2 years last night because I lost feelings about a month ago
I kept trying to stay in the relationship and be like we always were but it became really draining I didn’t want to do it anymore.
We both started college and I feel like she has changed as person because of the new environment. I respect that and wouldn’t try to make her change back to how she was before but I just don’t have feelings for this new version of her.
So after distancing myself for a few days she asked me what was wrong and I said that id prefer to meet in person to talk. She asked me if i was going to break up with her and I wasn’t going to lie to her.
Now she has said she doesn’t want to meet up at all, which I also respect but I just don’t understand why it hurts me this much too.
I thought it would be a weight off of my shoulders but this feels worse than before. Is this normal. It’s my first break up and to be honest I got no sleep last night and have been on the verge of tears writing this out.
TLDR : I broke up with my girlfriend and now I feel worse than before, is this normal.
2 comments
Totally normal! And it sounds as if you did the best thing by separating. You were literally children when you got together, and now you are growing up. It sounds like you still respect her, but the new version is not what you want to date. Totally fair — to you and to her.
It doesn’t mean you don’t still have feelings for her. Strong feelings don’t turn off like a light switch. You just have to enlarge yourself to get around them. This might deepen your relationship, taking you into a long-term friend role. No one knows you like the people you bonded with in childhood.
I’m not saying you’ll ever get back together. It’s more like: you have the potential to be the greatest friends. Young love makes you family.
This is normal and you did great with accepting that you weren’t feeling the same and breaking up! Great job! I broke up with my fiance after nearly 3 years and I cried about it for weeks! Even when the love is diminished our brains go through a withdrawal. We’re wired to feel comfortable with the familiar so when that’s absent our emotions go a little haywire.
Remind yourself that you’re morning the end of a relationship you invested a lot of emotions and experiences into. And trust that your heart wouldn’t have chosen this path if it wasn’t leading you somewhere more aligned with the person you are becoming.