If you had unlimited cash flow, what spite businesses would you open?

27 comments

1. Why would i open a buisness? I already have unlimited cashflow. Fuck work. Im spending all my money traveling, everywhere.

2. I would open a large wholesaler store like Costco but I would name it Fart Mart. Every time someone walks into the store, a fart sound plays. All the shopping carts have horns that make fart sounds. Every time a message plays on the PA system, it ends with a fart.

   I don’t even know what we’d sell. I just know I want it to be fart themed cause lol.

3. I’d open a “business” in which I buy a bunch of motorcycles, and call it Spite, apparently.

4. I would buy a controlling stake in at least one major US health insurance company. Now circumcision is uncovered, out of pocket, no matter the reason. Activist investing.

5. I’d do a beauty salon that does plastic surgery, nails, hair, the whole nine. I’d get major celebrities to endorse it and the “new fresh take on fashion” that I offer. In practice I would ensure that only the lowest quality work is performed here. Boob jobs are botched 75% of the time. You wanted your nails done? We paint your cuticles with brown and draw dicks on your nails.

   I’d make sure to pay celebs top dollar for this and I’d slowly turn popular culture into something out of a Clive Barker novel.

6. I would open a business selling signs, and I would situate it along the highway next to this one businessman who currently has a huge right-wing propaganda sign in my city. And I would have a bunch of signs up pointing to him and saying “My neighbour is an idiot”.

7. I’d basically be a stupider version of Musk. I’d just find random inventions to no end.

   “Finally, a fully automated crime reporting and dispatching system!”

   “Finally, homes that are fully modular and easy to perform maintenance on!”

   “Finally, a global atmospheric control system!”

8. “You’re Welcome” cards, send them to folks that didn’t say Thank You for something you did

9. I’ve always had the idea that, with whatever business, I’d give discount coupons for stupid shit, a different reason one day a week. “If you have a very ugly name you get 10% discount. Note: subject to employees’ judgement. Note 2: Not valid if your name is only ugly (e.g. Kyle), it has to be very ugly (e.g. Gertrude)”

10. Something that lets bigots and abusers personally understand what damage they do to people. Idk how it’ll be done, but I jyst want them to stop.

11. I’d probably use my spite to also annoy people. Always thought it’d be funny if society ran out of trousers. I’d create a global shortage of trousers by paying sweat shop labour more money to NOT make them, screwing over corporate.

12. i’d buy a commercial airplane and fly folks around except when it lands, anyone who immediately stands up before the plane has even taxied/opened its doors is taken out back and immediately shot

13. Unlimited cash flow? I’d start a cellular company in Canada and charge insanely low rates. Just undercut the everliving crap out of the current gougers!

14. Buy up all the houses and sell them for dirt cheap. Have a separate unrelated appraisal/inspection company that always valued homes way lower than the average.

15. ISPs.

16. A private equity firm. I’d buy a bunch of social media sites, run them into the ground, and have them deleted.

17. If I had unlimited cash (like a government) I’d open low cost and quality dental clinics.

    I wouldn’t charge a low fee and provide shit service like some are currently doing, I’d actually fund them properly with my “unlimited cash flow” and make sure that the chompers of my peoples are looked after.

    Sorry Dentists!

    After that I’m coming for the supermarkets, education system and housing sector

    The four pillars of life **health, education, food and a safe home**

18. I would build cheap affordable housing everywhere that rich elitist live. All those million dollar homes would be surrounded by affordable apartments.

    NIMBY assholes are the bane of my existence. Mother fuckers pretend like they want progress and equality, they just don’t want it anywhere around them. I would put an end to that.

19. https://youtu.be/ZwD0uGNkP9c

20. what the hell is a spite business LOOL

21. Unlimited cash flow huh???….

    __I’d Buy Every Data Broker company/group that exists & any that will come to exist.__

    I’d have __EVERYONES ONLINE DATA__.

    Basically if companies want online data about ppl. They’ll __HAVE TO__ go thru me. That way I can be the one that can says to them personally “Nope-ah-roo with a hearty Fuck u.”

    I wouldn’t do much with the information…

    Except hold the Rich/Powerful & Crooked accountable. Most ppl wouldn’t have to worry but those doing nasty shit will have to pay thru a “leak within my company”.

    I think I’d catch ALOT of hell from ppl & they’d probably (rightly) question my motives. But I think over time the public would see I wasn’t doing it for personal gain.

    I’d make the 1st company that actually cares about protecting & helping ppl. Funny thing is __I’D DO IT ALL__ just to spite ppl like corrupt politicians & those looking to take advantage of the “average” person.

22. Plan B and condoms for a penny. Don’t got a penny? That’s ok. Abortions are still illegal here so arrangements for out of state.

23. In Canada, there’s a chain of bike stores called “Cyclepath”. I’d open up competitors next to each store called “Pedalphile”

24. I would open a full service investigation agency and investigate only politicians and the ultra wealthy. Dig up as much dirt on them as possible. Then publish it, in total, on my news service. Kinda like Vice but I wouldn’t stop when the going got tough like they do.

25. I’d personally make a stuffed animal shop but our stuffed animals would be vary high quality

26. Antispam. Sign up with us and mail in any spam you get. We will find the address of the person who authorized it and forward it all back to them/their PO box/business address etc.

    Spam the spammers.

27. I’d make a police force for the police force. Tackling corruption and police brutality. But their punishment would be a prison sentence comprised of isolation and being egged. Literally pelted with eggs for one period per day.