I’m a 25-year-old woman who has never been in a relationship with a man before, and it’s starting to really bother me. I wonder if there’s something wrong with me. Do people really eventually find someone, or do they just end up alone?
I do want children. I don’t have a huge burning desire to have children, but I do want them one day. Oh, some background information about myself. I’ve kind of had an unconventional educational pathway. My father was physically abusive and after my mum and I left him, I became diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and my schooling was interrupted for several years. I take medication for my condition and when I’m on it, I have no manifestations of the disorder at all. But as a result, right now, I’m 25-years-old and still in my first year of university, studying a Bachelor of Arts full-time. I still live at home. Not to mention the fact that I’m quite shy (an INFP).
Overall, I feel so behind everyone, and like such an oddball, that I wonder sometimes if I will ever find someone. I don’t have any friends because of my interrupted schooling, and mainly just spend my time studying, reading, writing and listening to music. Is finding the right person just a matter of luck, perhaps? I’ve tried dating apps but the couple of dates I went on led nowhere because I wasn’t attracted to the men in the first place ( haveI learnt from my mistake).
So I guess my question is, do things get better? Or will I just be alone like this for the rest of my life?
Thanks for reading this, and thanks in advance for any input anyone might have.
8 comments
Heya. I’m a 21 y/o guy here, and I’ve… sort of been in the opposite situation. I’ve been involved in multiple relationships as far as I can remember from 14 y/o, clearly to varying degrees of seriousness. Having jumped through a fair few relationships though, I can say- yes, things will get better. Despite my resume, I’d say it’s been a very mixed bag. I’ve only had two relationships I could call ‘good’, one of which lasted 2.5 years but ended on a very sour and immature note (jealousy and insecurities got the better of my ex), and one that I flunked after a month, but she helped me a lot in the meantime.
People come and go, friends, significant others, partners and the like. As long as you mingle with those around you, you’ll always find people, even if you are ‘too old’. I restarted my academic studies recently, and now I’m a 21 y/o surrounded by 18/19 year olds that like to party with the attitude of a teenager. Maybe it’ll be harder to find the right people, but you’ll get there.
For relationships specifically? I don’t recommend dating apps. They’re good if you want dates or quick hookups, but if you ‘look too hard’ for someone, it’s gonna be harder and it’ll only torment you more, trying to find someone. If you manage to not stress yourself too much and take it slow, you’ll find the right one for you in due time, and I’m sure you’ll be able to have a wonderful relationship. Things will get better, and you definitely won’t be alone my friend. Just keep your chin up and always be open to pleasant surprises, yeah? ^^
It is somewhat unsettling how close to my own current experience this post is lol. I know for a fact that for people like you and me online dating will be miserable. The good approach will more likely be to be here at the right time for the right person. You have to force yourself into activities that you enjoy but that also involves other people with similar interests, i think this is the best course of actions. It doesnt even have to be like in physical, it can be online stuff. Dont try to find interesting people on dating apps, try to find dateable people in interesting places if that makes sense.
>So I guess my question is, do things get better? Or will I just be alone like this for the rest of my life?
We cannot know. Many people are single, many people are in bad relationships, many people are divorced, remarried, divorced again etc. And some few are happy in a stable, long term relationship/marriage. These are a minority.
We are unable to guess what your fate will be.
Maybe a bad advice, but just do something you enjoy, where you find people with common interests. A lot of guys would be flattered and very happy about you asking them out. I havn’t had any luck on dating Apps finding a relationship, but doing things I liked. I asked them out after feeling that there was at least some kind of chemistry and it worked out, sometimes it wont work out, worst they can say is no i guess.
Do you frequent places where you can meet men?
Otherwise, how will you?
You’re young so plenty of time, but you need to mingle. Music gigs?
I’m kinda in the same situation rn.
We should talk and see where It leads?
It’s ok! no you do find someone honey.
It gets better when you heal from your past, and actively try new things you might like. Also, you have to socialize more to meet your potential partner, OLD is just one subset of that so you have to come out of your shell as a shy person. Just FYI, being shy only holds you back if you’re being in active due to fear, but if you try it gets easier and more comfortable for you.
I think you should start with joining clubs of interest so you can get to make conversations and bond with others. Do not wait for things to happen in life and don’t think too negative either, just do it. Don’t be in your head so much.