I’m 26 F he is 26 M. He identifies as “straight”
I’ll preface by saying I know sexuality is a spectrum, and it is possible to be interested in something/someone different sexually and romantically.
The situation: I was using an online recipe to cook, My phone died so I picked up my bfs phone to google the recipe (we use each others phones all the time and he doesn’t have a lock code).
When I typed in the search bar, the history suggestions popped up. Lots of trans porn, some gay porn, and a few straight. He even Watched That morning while I was at the gym. (And We had sex later that day)
We have a good relationship and I’d say a good sex life. Half of me wants to leave it alone – let him masturbate to whatever he wants, that’s his business. The other half of me can’t stop thinking about it, is growing insecure and paranoid, is afraid he feels closeted and is using me as a cover up, is upset that he never told me he was bisexual when I’ve asked in the past about his fantasies/ sexual interests/what porn he likes. He always said vague things like “you’re my fantasy” and gets shy/reserved when I ask.
I also know that he’s tried to hook up with transsexual women with penis before (not sure if he ever did)this was before we started dating. He also used to follow lots of trans girls on insta but unfollowed. He doesn’t know I know this.
Should I talk to him about it? I don’t know what to do. I feel upset and it’s haunting me a little. But I’m afraid he’s going to feel violated if I bring it up and it will make things uncomfortable for us. I love him and want him to feel comfortable to share this with me. I’m so confused and don’t know the right thing to do.
2 comments
Maybe he’s bi ? I wouldn’t have known the guy I was dating was bi if I didn’t read his reddit post history. His post history is the same as your boyfriends. I asked him about it and he says he has a preference for woman and only dates woman romantically. It wouldn’t worry about it either way he is clearly into you. I know it is hard to not be insecure ! He also follows women with very large breasts and I have small boobs. I think guys like that have a spectrum of stuff they masturbate to which is different than who they are interested in sexually and romantically irl.
A few things. You said he unfollowed a bunch of people when getting with you. Which shows he at least cares to keep his fantasy-side NON PERSONAL. He probably watches porn and his mindset is that its nothing personal to him and just random stuff that wont hurt you. In that sense its not a concern. However this may sound bad and many may not agree with me…. If you dont nip it in the butt and you do have a future, it can do damage. You dont wanna know how many married guys i been with who’s wife simply doesn’t know they are bi. The porn can seem harmless sure, but that’s where they all started. Things might have been different for those couples if they worked on it early on and were transparent. Now you guys aren’t married or stuff so like that isn’t a concern. But regardless its good to sometimes nip stuff in the butt early. Heck i was joking with a guy and said if his wife pegged him he wouldn’t be doing this. And he looked at me seriously and said he’d probably not do this. Now she may not be into that which is her right too. But getting rid of the “secrets” aspect of things also creates accountability. Even if im shy, if my S/O knows something about me that nobody else knows and accepts me for that, why would I ever leave him or her. Lots of ways to look at it, in the end its all your choice. And to those who may say just let him do the porn and he’s not cheating. The amount of married men looking for hookups is INSANE. I can sleep with 3 every day in my city and never run out for a year of those types of guys/gals. Just my opinion, your choice