My bf (24) and I (F23) have been together 4 years but have been going through a pretty rough patch the past 3 months. This was because of a miscommunication (that’s my opinion about the situation) but that’s not what this post is about. What’s important to know about this is that his family doesn’t like me anymore. I was aware of this but thought thing between me and my bf were getting better and his family would eventually follow. I never expected thing to take this turn.
I’ll say the “miscommunication” went down on August 14 and things started there.
Another background I wanted to give was that I am absolutely crazy about my bf. I love him with my whole heart and would do anything for him. Other guys don’t interest me in the slightest and I’m actually a bit awkward around them most of the time. I only have eye for my bf.
(My MIL is not officially my MIL as we’re not married but it’s easier)
So the story started this morning when I got a text from the girlfriend (let’s call her Wendy) of one of my bfs good friends (let’s call him Ivan).
The night before it was my bf’s brother’s birthday so the went drinking (the brother’s and Ivan)
Wendy was accusing me of gossiping about the fact that something almost could have happened between me and her bf, Ivan.
She was talking about a party we went to (Ivan, my bf, bf’s brother’s, me and some other people) a year ago. Ivan and I here talking outside about something that was bothering me and I had a hard time about. He gave me a hug and then my bf also came outside.
According to Wendy I was gossiping about Ivan possibly cheating on her while she was pregnant.
I had no idea where this came from but I felt bad that she thought I was gossiping about this and wanted to set the record straight. So I answered her that I liked her and Ivan and I would never do something like that, but I didn’t completely understand the situation about what exactly I supposedly said to who.
Shortly after I also texted Ivan to apologize to him if I ever hurt them but I didn’t know what the situation was about.
Not long after I found out they both blocked me on FB and Instagram.
I texted my bf to please explain to me what was happening because seeing what I was being accused of made me feel sick.
He didn’t understand either but also received a weird message from Ivan through the night.
He went to check it out and I don’t know what I have to do with what he found out.
(This is all from as far as I understand things)
When they got home from drinking, Ivan and MIL started to talk.
According to my MIL I told her something almost could have happened between Ivan and me on that party a year ago. She told Ivan I told her this at the end of July when we had a weekend at sea with his family.
Apparently I told her that we were consoling eachother and we hugged, but then luckily my bf showed up. I insinuated that if my bf hadn’t shown up, something more might have happened.
This is just ridiculous because nothing would have happened and nothing was going to happen and I certainly wouldn’t have thought so.
Understandably Ivan was shocked to hear that would have I said this and discussed this with Wendy.
It’s so frustrating to me that my MIL would make something like this up and it doesn’t even make any sense. My bf doesn’t know what to think about the situation and doesn’t know if he believes me when I tell him non of this happened.
I might have talked to her about me and Ivan talking outside the party, but I never insinuated anything.
I don’t know what’s happening and how to even explain all the things that are just wrong about what she is saying. I’m just being painted as the badguy and I don’t know what I can do.
Does anybody have any advice for me?
21 comments
Why don’t you confront MIL in front of everyone or call BS on her ! Wtf
I think you need your BF to back you up and he should be asking her why she lied. If he can’t even do that then your relationship is already over.
This sounds like a case of “pregnancy brain” coupled with the physical insecurities that tend to accompany watching your body be bent out of shape during gestation. “Wendy” is clearly going through some stuff and will likely regain her senses eventually. But all of this seems way too close for comfort, like maybe there isn’t a reasonable sense of distance between your boyfriend, his friends and his family. Maybe you live in a small town or something. But if your partner is siding with his mother against you (over something so silly) it doesn’t portend great things for your relationship going forward. Short of you and he moving away so his mom isn’t up in all his business there’s probably not much you can do except wait for this to blow over.
If your bf doesn’t back you up. You should end this and cut all these crazy people out of your life. This sounds like so much energy draining drama.
I doubt it will get better. His mom will always treat you poorly no matter what bf says.
You can love someone but it might not be a healthy love. This just doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship.
So your bf is choosing his mother over you. Because he knows that his mother doesn’t like you and that she makes things up, but he is choosing to ignore all that.
MIL is doing her best to break you up, to paint you as a cheater and it is working.
bf now has doubts planted there and ruining your relationship with his friends as well, the pressure is on him and he is caving right now.
What you have to do is saying to him that either he believes you or his mother, which is it?
Because Ivan isn’t backing you up either and is correctly doing whatever Wendy insists he does and that won’t help your case.
And this was a year ago anyway, so why now? What has changed to make MIL start saying things like this?
Should he choose you I would advise never talking to MIL about anything that she could use against you. Not even if you think it is totally innocent, she has twisted this to make a story that fit her own narrative about you as a man stealer and cheater and you already know it isn’t worth confronting her and she won’t back down most likely. So what can you do?
Your bf was there that night, he is aware of what was happening, so ask him what he thinks about this “story” and if you would do something like that to him? If he says no then you have a chance to keep the relationship, if he says “I don’t know” then his mother has gotten to him finally and those doubts he has will gradually get bigger and there is no point in continuing.
INFO
besides the fact that I would never do/ think / say something like this, there are so many holes in her lie.
– IF this had happened and i thought something could’ve happened between me and Ivan. I wouldn’t tell the mother of my bf who I thought I almost could/would cheat on.
– My mom got cheated on multiple times in her relationships so I’ve seen first hand what that does to someone. Ivan recently bought a house, got engaged and had a baby on the way with his amazing gf.
Even if I was single, I would never put myself in a position to ruin a family.
-why on earth would she not call me out in that moment when I said that to her. Because my bf would’ve been close by. I supposedly said this to her and after that we just kept spending the weekend at the beach together like nothing happened.
I don’t want children but if the bf/gf of my child were to tell me something like this, I’d put them on a train home and they wouldn’t be welcome again.
-she would have waited 3 months to say something about it and WHEN she told someone it’s not her so /my boyfriend, but Ivan.
I explained this to my bf and when he asked her about this MIL says she did tell him, but my bf doesn’t remember. I think you would remember something like that.
– after I supposedly told her, I still come around her house for the next 2 weeks without her acting weird towards me or having any problem with me being there.
If your BF doesn’t back you up, then break up. His mom is going to start more rumors later and this is something that HE should be shutting down. Why do you want a partner that’s not supportive and is unwilling to handle his own family? Why do you want a partner that’s easily manipulated by his mom?
> I love him with my whole heart and would do anything for him. Other guys don’t interest me in the slightest and I’m actually a bit awkward around them most of the time. I only have eye for my bf.
You should have more respect for yourself and stop groveling for a man.
Also, stop being a doormat. You even texted this Ivan to apologize even when (a) you never did anything (b) you had no clue what was going on! You should have not apologized for shit.
Is there a possibility that Wendy is the one making all this up? That it may not have anything to do with MIL.
I seems a bit suspicious that her bf was talking to you and now they both aren’t, but not before the finger was pointed at your MIL.
Have you informed him of how momentally stupid it would be to tell someone you could have cheated on their son if he hadn’t turned up?
Of all the people in the world to say that to, my bfs mother would be the last one on the list.
First and foremost, don’t say another word. Separate yourself from the situation. Give everyone space. Keep a little distance between yourself and your boyfriend currently. In private, write down all that you remember about everything relating to these instances. Hopefully, you can gain clarity by doing so.
Well update us how it goes
If you have reached out individually to Ivan and Wendy to deny the allegation and you’ve already told your bf that you would never say that, then that’s all you can do. This is such an absurdly unlikely story just from the premise that you would tell your MIL about almost cheating on your bf as a joke. It’s so insanely idiotic that you are really better off without everyone in this story. If they are this gullible, then MIL would be able to say anything about you for the rest of your life. You are better off out of this messiness.
I would break up with him.
MIL is actively trying to break your relationship with your bf. You say she and her family don’t like you. You’re right. She made up something in order to get your bf to doubt you and it sounds like it’s working.
You can point out to your bf that his mom doesn’t like you, along with his family, and she’s trying to break you up. Remind him you love only him and you aren’t interested in Ivan in any way at all. It will be up to your bf to decide who he believes. Brace yourself for the worst just in case.
I’m going to tell you something I wish I understood at your age- when you marry a man, you marry his whole family. I know there’s a romance novel quality to the concept of you and him against the world, but that just isn’t how it is.
The family that hates you will infect every beautiful moment of your life. They’ll make wedding planning miserable, accuse you of having an affair when you get pregnant, criticise every choice you make.
And that might be bearable if you knew your bf would have your back. He has already proved that he will not.
Save yourself a lot of heartache and end this relationship now. You deserve to be welcomed into a family.
Well BF is an adult and needs to decide his own mind.
So “elephant in the room” what is the reason his family doesn’t like you?
Seems like that could be behind all this!
I don’t understand. If he knows how she is and how you are why is it so easy to believe the unbelievable? Smh
I wouldn’t stand for this. I hate when someone tries to sully my character. I work hard on me, myself and I and I will be damned if a grown ass liar tries to spread nasty rumors about me. Nope
Updateme
The only way to get around this to not cause any problems within the family is to maybe say your MIL must have misunderstood what you said and hope that she will back down and agree. Your bf is between a Rock and a hard place here and it would be difficult for him.
How does it make sense you’d ever share that with your BF’s mother out of all people? Makes no sense. Honestly tell your BF I love you but your mother is ruining my reputation and I don’t appreciate it. In fact I’m mad as hell. If you don’t believe me then that makes me sad to know you do not trust me or you’d even think I’m that dumb. And I no longer see a future with you at all. Which is exactly what your mother wanted to happen by spreading this lie. Tell her good job. She did it. It was that easy. Hope she likes your next GF.
She has a history of lying/causing trouble.
You and BF have been together 4 years.
He still doesn’t know if he believes you
It sounds a lot like this relationship has run its course and may need to be allowed to die. If there is no trust, there is no future.
I’d have more advice if I knew what the miscommunication was and your communication style Vs your mother in law’s.