Hi guys,
Would like some insights from you.
So, as per the title, I am a 30 years old woman and I met a 20 years old guy through a dating app. We had a nice convo and ngl, he was my type, to a T.
The first time we met we vibed so well, he was crazy to have sex with me but I stood my ground and we didn’t although deep down I wanted it too.
After that I felt like he was a bit distant with me convo wise so I started to chase him till he started to return the interest back again. In some of our convos he pretty much let me know he was a player and wanted my opinion about ” Andrew Tate” who I had no clue who he was. But not a nice guy as I could gather from Google lol.
We’ve been talking for a month now, pretty much everyday, and met twice. He had said in many occasions that he has a ” p*ss* supply at his whim” and that he never catches feelings, even illustrated it with a situationship he had with a previous girl for one year when she fell in love and he didn’t, so that I don’t keep my hopes high and that it is for me to blame the “game” but not the “player” that he’d be okay seeing me but I’d end up broken hearted if I thought I’d lock him in.
He is the avoidant, emotional unavailable type of guy. He certainly has lots of red flags but I’ve also already seen some sides of him which shows he cares and I believe apart his player side, he does have a good character.
We saw each other yesterday and it felt magical for me. It’s just crazy how attracted I am to him. I feel like he plays hard to get with me a lot, which I tend to love ( subconsciously) this second encounter was way less sexual, he was just teasing me and making me want him ( which definitely worked) then we watched film and cuddled and were being playing with each other, did not have sex again and before he left I asked him for a kiss and he said he wouldn’t kiss me but he would cuddle me tight for a couple of minutes before he’d leave and he did and I felt like in heaven.
I feel as if he makes a lot of effort to show as little interest as possible but my gut feeling tells me he must really like me as you know, you just feel it but he wants to be a player too much I believe lol.
I am already developing feelings for him since our first date.
I think he likes me but won’t let it show by no means. I kindly call him ” tough guy” because he’s definitely one.
I’m a bit scared because I know he is a player and he has been honest enough to say that to me and that the odds are huge for me to be broken hearted if I’m hoping for more.
There are so many other guys interested in me who would give me the security I want, but I guess ” the heart wants what it wants”.
I know I should leave before it gets too messy for me, but I just don’t find the strength. I’m just hoping he will eventually develop real feelings and have something more with me instead? Should I be hopeful? Do players end up developing feelings too?
EDIT: An update for those who are judging me or thinking it is a fake post. IT IS NOT.
I don’t think there’s nothing wrong for people with age guys to feel attracted to each other. And yeah I don’t look my age that’s why I attract a lot of young guys which I don’t mind as long as they are mature. I do seem to love the bad boy types so that’s definitely on me that one.
I guess time will tell how this will play up.
Second UPDATE:
11/18/22
UPDATE:
11/18/22
In consideration to all the sensible and also harsh comments I’ve received on this thread about my serious and at the same time stupid question on my chances with the player,
Yesterday I messaged him after probably 9hs of his disappearing, telling him I was deleting his number and that he please never contacted me no more but wishing him the very best and the response I’ve received I’d need to die and reincarnate 10 times to muster the courage to share here.
I spent probably 20 mins + reading through 3 pages essay worth block of texts from him with an extremely soul destroying language of things he really thought about me.
He was never the type to send me more than 2 lines txt, but this time around he definitely wanted so pierce me as deep as he could with the most hurtful comments that even I thought players wouldn’t be able to say or get that low to hurt someone.
I was honestly gobsmacked to a level that I felt just numb reading those while tears were falling. Someone on the thread said something about him being sociopath or so, and I honestly was left with no doubt after all he told me. The gas lighting and the things mentioned, the lies, everything, he even went on to confirm many similar thoughts that many of you have shared here as an advice. There was so much hate, ego and anger on every word he typed that I might never forget but yeah definitely learned a lesson. The toxicity of a normal person compared to his would be the most sweet flower perfume and I am just still so shocked that I can’t hardly think straight. But I am happy to say I didn’t go down to his level and wished him light to his path and love to his life, cause he definitely needed it.
So yeah guys, after that I’ve definitely learned my lesson. Didn’t wish him no evil but I pray he will never do that with any other woman.
So that’s the update for those who wanted it.
26 comments
You are 30 and still like players ? Grow up
He sounds absolutely insufferable what are you doing
jesus. yeah maybe he’ll develope feelings but as a 30year old women, do you really want a emotionally immature guy who tells you that he has “pss supply as his whim” and is playong games? gosh.
He’s a player and you got played. I would have expected this from a young girl, but at 30? Oof. That’s rough.
This dude is playing the hell out of you and the fact you can’t see that at 30 is actually concerning, and I guarantee you he’s going to drop you the moment he has sex with you, that’s why he got so distant after your first meeting until you started chasing him. He’s told you to your face he has girls on standby, how he’s led a girl on for a year.. and you think he won’t do the same to you? He doesn’t have feelings… he’s playing the long game until he gets in your pants. You claim you have all these guys pursuing you and this is the one you key in on?
You’re going to get yourself hurt if you keep playing this game with him. He’s much better at it than you are. After reading your post history it sounds like you need to single for a while, maybe even see a therapist.
This is pathetic, sorry. You’re THIRTY? You’re thirty years old, dating someone too young to drink who is only two years out of high school, ignoring massive red flags, doing mental gymnastics to convince yourself that dating a *kid* with a million red flags who isn’t even into you is a good idea… Jesus. If you were 22, I’d still say go to therapy. At 30? Go to therapy yesterday. You have zero self worth and zero sense of self preservation.
This guy is terrible for you. I agree with the other comments, grow up. He has full control over you.
To answer your questions,
He won’t develop real feelings, and you should not be hopeful.
Most importantly, Players have feelings. However, he is just using you for sex, he is horny. There is no feelings to be developed towards you. He wants sex and you are an easy target. Read your post and look how vulnerable you are.
Hate me now, thank me later.
This does not end well for you.
He’s been up front and honest about what he wants, you don’t like that then you have to walk away. He’s not going to magically change, and you are going to get hurt.
Are you 30 or 13? Because this is *embarrassing*, sis
You’re hilarious.
You are attracted to this guy because of his unavailability and vague interest. You already-said he is emotionally unavailable, avoidant, and a “player” he’s also not even old enough to go into a bar. You’d think by your age you’d know better.
You are rationalizing your emotions and attraction to paint this person as something they are not (a good partner for you)
It’s just sex and lust. Try dating someone closer to your age who has their life more put together.
run, if he is an andrew tate fan he is just going to fuck you and jerk you around. you will have no future with him because tate basically says any woman over 24 has been fucked by too many men and is not relationship material
Women ☕
You’re 30 and acting like you’re 13. You think a 20 year old ‘player’ is going to want a long term relationship with a woman 10 years older? When he listens to that misogynistic crap? He’s 20, he’s a dick, and he’s in a different phase of his life. Give yourself a shake.
Hey girl!
Ur 30 years old and need advice about a 20y boy?
Be your age plz
Is this a fukkin troll post? Grown ass woman
Wtf did I just read. Are you 18? Please grow up.
girl
Hun your just sex to him. That’s why when he didn’t get laid on the first date his interest declined. Then you chased him now he has told you repeatedly not to catch feelings. He doesn’t wanna date you. If your falling for him all that is is major heartbreak around the corner. Let good sex just be good sex or move on from this player.
Sounds like a story of a book about PUA. Pretty sure he will escalate next time, you meet him. After the sex he probably will ghost you. He just wants a 10 year older woman as one of his trophies. Surely, he is talking about you with his boys and he tells them, how easy you are to get manipulated.
I’m just here wondering why a 30 year old has their app settings set to show 20 year olds ☕
OP. Down this thread, you’ll find some comments providing you some… constructive criticism.
What I think you should do, is find the strength and courage to move on. Really work on yourself and redefine the standards you want in a romantic partner.
In your post you said this M(20) has a bunch of red flags, is a player, and will leave you broken hearted. Is that really what you want? You have all this information about him, but still yearn from him. What does that say about you? C’mon you can do better. I promise you there’s men out there that will be everything you want to a “T” and will also give you the love and attention you desire… Don’t settle
Aren’t you a little bit too old to be getting played lol. The kid is 20 years old for christ sake. I kinda think you did something bad previously and karma is coming back to cash that check lol.
You’re taking L’s left and right my girl. I’m screenshotting this post before you delete this, I gotta show my co-workers. I literally got first hand embarrassment for you lol
You are one of those I can change him. I see the potential in him. Does he need to break your heart before you wake up? Will this 20 year old be a good Father or husband? No. I thought at thirty you would be able to see through the whole bad boy persona. He likes stringing along women like you for his ego. And you like chasing after him for your own vanity. I am sorry if this is cruel but you really need to wake up before you get wrecked.
“It’s not chemistry, it’s just new.”
“It’s not love, it’s infatuation.”
“What we want is rarely what we need.”
All things I find I have to remind myself.
It sounds fun and exciting, but terribly unstable.
I (21M) spent a few years learning that lesson with my ex-fiancé (F20). Though I truly thought I was in love with her, I wasn’t. Parts of me loved parts of her, but as a whole, we were different people looking for different things. The sex was indescribably amazing. The energy was strong, but always unreliable. We moved to NYC together, moved back to Michigan, broke up maybe 15 times, and lost a baby. This relationship ended in us both cheating on each other, breaking up, continuing to sleep together, and continuing to breaking ourselves down until we were hardly recognizable.
We would’ve been great friends with benefits, or even just friends, but we were never compatible for a committed romantic relationship.
I’m now dating someone new (31F) and it’s so weird because she’s actually kinda stable. Its a whole new kind of dating that I’m unfamiliar with and honestly slightly uncomfortable with. I know it’s what I need though because I’m so used to looking for the kind of toxic relationship I witnessed my parents having.
Ultimately, I think he needs time to mature. I don’t say that because he is 20, but because he acts 20. It’s the kind of maturing that you can’t force him to do because what he’s doing is working for him.
He’s not looking for long term, he’s telling you (I mean this kindly, but straightforwardly) *you’re an idiot to* your face so he doesn’t have to feel bad when he does exactly what he says he does.
Also, I do apologize for how aggressive everyone is being. How do we expect people to ask questions when this is how we respond? C’mon guys.
Honestly, just go for it. It will be a good lesson for you.
You’re being played, stop being delusional. If you don’t believe me, fuck around and find out, literally.
EDIT; I missed it the first time I read it, but you say you have serious men going after you, but your “heart wants what it wants”. Don’t expect good guys to pick up the pieces when this guy breaks your heart. Especially since all the red flag are there and you still gamble on a losing horse.
Get a therapist. Your head ain’t right. And you have the emotional maturity of a teenager.