Don’t really know how to handle this. Before we got married, sex all the time. Now I feel like in the last month we have done it 4 times.
We are still relatively newly Weds.
Her excuse tonight was a first, that she’s furtile. But she doesn’t want me to wear a condom. So basically no and no.
She has even started making sliding comments about sex being only something she can ‘demand.’
Tbh, I love her, but after 1 year and this is the way it’s going. I didn’t sign up for this. I love her. But I respect myself to know when I’m not desired.
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Have you talked to her about this?
What is the sex like when you two have it? Does she seem enthusiastic, passionate, playful, happy to be having sex? Or is she asking you to hurry up, seems disconnected, taking certain sex acts off the table that you once used to do, etc?
Maybe she’s tired of condom sex. Have you talked about alternative birth control methods?
Once a week isn’t that bad for a married couple. you may have different sex drives…
> comments about sex being only something she can ‘demand.’
If you are not equals in the relationships, then I guess. However, she either respects you as a partner, or she’s going to be alone.
One idea is to pay attention to non-sexual related changes. Relationships change a lot after marriage. Is it possible that she has started having to do more of the household chores then prior to marriage? Are you connecting still in other ways?
I will say, condoms aren’t 100 percent so if I knew I was fertile and really didn’t want to get prego there’s no way Im having sex, no matter how interested I was, but it sounds like this is a frequent thing.
For a lot of people, and women especially, sex can be a mind-body experience. For me, if I’m upset or stressed about something work-related, or if I’m feeling disconnected from my husband in other ways in the relationship, I don’t desire sex as much. I most want sex when I’m able to manage work/life stress better, and feel connected to my husband.
I’d talk to her about how she’s feeling — NOT framing it, “Why don’t you want sex?”, but rather, “How are you? How was your day?” And go from there. Work on spending quality time together, or see if she wants to go on little dates, or just have dinner-n-movie dates at home on the couch. Nothing grand, but small and intentional.
If you’re already doing those things, maybe just focus on how you can build your connection in small ways as part of a daily habit of just checking in with each other. A “how are you?/how was your day?” and then listening with interest can go a long way.