I’ve (19F) been dating a lot this year, and the relationships continually got worse and worse. From my first boyfriend (M21) ghosting me over the entirety of winter break to my second (M21) leaving me crying at a train station because my nerves about traveling annoyed him, I’ve had bad taste in men.
So when my most recent boyfriend (M20) broke up with me because he got bored and wanted to sleep with the female friends he told me not to worry about, literally all of my friends told me to spend some time being single instead of jumping the bones of whoever is moderately nice to me.
I wanted to see if anyone had advice for self care and things I could do by myself or with friends to occupy my time. I want to feel comfortable being alone and appreciate the people around me.
Any hobby recommendations or movies you like? (I’m a horror/true crime documentary fan.) What are some activities I could do with my friends? How did you survive in the aftermath or a messy breakup? Any help is beyond appreciated. I want to be a human again.
TLDR; I need advice on to take care of myself in the aftermath of a messy breakup.
4 comments
Go to the gym. That’s the only thing that made me feel better about myself
This is a beautiful post to see on this sub, good for you. Setting a good example, so many people are so focussed on the other people they aren’t even thinking about self care. Especially at your age. Gives me hope.
I personally love sewing (dressmaking, quilting). While I’m following a sewing pattern or joining together millions of patchwork pieces I get into a meditative state. And the fashion element to the dress making encourages me to think about what my style is, think of myself as something worth dressing up, so it’s positive like that too.
Speaking of, you can do a lot worse than spending 10 mins a day following a guided meditation at this point, it really makes a difference the rest of the day.
The best cure for a broken heart is novelty. This can be really basic stuff like taking a different route home each day or more creative stuff like visiting a different country or learning to paint portraits or trying an extreme sport or taking an evening class in something you find interesting. It’s direct proof to your brain that change is afoot and it’s time to form some new mental patterns. And it keeps you too occupied to obsess about the relationship at the same time (unlike habitual routines and activities which to an extent you can do on autopilot while continuing to obsess with the other half of your brain.)
Honestly, after break ups it definitely best to take a break from the dating scene and focus on yourself. Completely get over the feelings from the last relationship and even learn something from that one that you may want to change about the next. And if you have trust issues, I would learn that not all guys are douchebags just looking for a nice lay. But, there are a good amount of them🙄. Talking to people is great for helping you figure things out, vent, and maybe with that you’d think about the characteristics in a partner that you’d like then see that those guys are crap, not you. Don’t think negatively about yourself no matter what. You’re in no way lower than who you are. They are lower than you. I fight with that with myself because I feel with the amount of gf’s that have cheated on me, I feel like I’m not good enough for anybody, but that’s bad to think about. I know it, it hurts me, but also my overthinking mind won’t shut up about it🤦🏻♂️😅. So, don’t think lowly of yourself you got that. Think positive!
For me, it took a while to stop moping around and just focus on myself. And I started on working on small things like skin-care, hygiene, and stuff like that. Yes, in a guy who likes to face mask every Friday (or try to keep that anyways😂). I figure girls don’t want that rough type and they want the guy with soft hand and soft unblemished face, so why not. My hands used to be like sand paper bc I worked on bikes and stuff without gloves🤦🏻♂️. Working out is a good thing to pick up too if if you want to release some pent up anger🤷🏻♂️😂. I only just started to workout just bc I have more time, want to bring back a piece of myself I lost in my last relationship, and my weight is bad for my knees, so basically have to for myself.
Doing something out of your comfort zone or what you’re used to do that you, but have always wanted to try and could not is something you should try. People can list down so many things they can give you, but will it interest you? It’s definitely easy to put a face mask on, grab snacks, ice cream, and drinks then sit down in front of the TV and watch what you want🤷🏻♂️. But, it’s different when you find something that really interested you before, but was blocked to do it is something I would try. If it consists of you being with other people that you don’t know like clubbing and what not, I’d go with friends on that one. If it’s going out and finding a good booked to read, I’d check out a nice book shop and look in the sections based on what you like watching.
I have taken up reading books for fun recently because I have never done it before and always felt I couldn’t find a good book. So, 2 hours, myself, music in my ears and walking up and down Barnes and Nobles’ aisles with a Starbucks in hand looking at anything and everything 🤷🏻♂️. Find out I really like manga (don’t know why it took me so long to even start when I watch anime), romance books, and mystery books😂. I thought I’d like graphic novels like Halo and Lord of the Rings, but they were too dense for me and I got bored quickly 🤷🏻♂️🤣.
Some things I really enjoy doing after a very emotional break up:
– get new sheets
– buy new soap or candles
– burn new incense
– watch all the shows you two never agreed on watching together.
The soaps and incense are big ones for me because scent is very strongly linked to memory. Anything that has a scent that reminds you of your old relationship, replace it. Your goal is to forge new memories, not to recall old ones with him.
Eat new foods, drink new drinks, listen to new music.