Guys should be less afraid to talk to women in public

Recently I have had much more success with dating since overcoming my fear of talking to women in public, previously it would all be through dating apps.

The most common excuses I see and I also used to give are ‘oh I don’t want to bother them’ ‘I don’t want to be a creep’ ‘it’s weird, no one does that’ ‘I don’t want to get rejected in person’ bla bla bla

The problem is that mindset is totally wrong and they are all simply excuses that you use to avoid going outside of your comfort zone. There is absolutely nothing wrong with approaching a woman you find attractive in public as long as you do it in a polite and friendly way.

Worst case? They will say ‘I have a boyfriend’ ‘I’m not interested’ ‘I don’t give my number out’ or rarely just ignore you completely.

The thing is, those results are actually positive. Because the fact you even had the balls to approach her in public is 99.99% better than what most men can do nowadays.

Often, if they ‘reject’ you they will even compliment your bravery and confidence, and take it as a compliment. In the end, the approach will bring a smile on their face that someone nicely approached them and was interested. (yes, some girls may be ‘offended’ that a man approached them, but let’s be real who would want to date someone like that anyway).

Best case? The brief conversation flows and she has interest in continuing the conversation online and you can arrange a date.

It’s really a win-win situation.

Of course, it matters how you approach them, but it’s not rocket science, just need basic body language reading skills and don’t push them or take too much of their time, keep it brief, be honest that you find them cute/beautiful/whatever from the get-go, if they’re not interested who cares just let them take it as a compliment and move on. Don’t approach people who are clearly in a big rush, with their family, on the phone etc etc. Eye contact is often key, if you catch a girl locking eyes with you (for more than just a brief glance) it’s often but not always a sign she likes what she sees.

I have now done this many times and never had a bad experience, worst case is just a polite rejection to exchanging contact info, but you can’t take rejection personally, they could have a boyfriend, they may never give out contact so quickly, they may simply not be attracted to you, they may not be looking for any type of dating right now. Who knows and who cares, even the most attractive people in the world will get rejected multiple times.

Usually I just say ‘excuse me’ to get their attention and just be completely honest to start, ‘I think you are cute’ then proceed with a basic introductory conversation, name, age, what they do, where they’re from, keep it brief and say ‘well I don’t want to take too much of your time, but would you like to exchange (phone number, instagram, whatever)’. It should be pretty obvious if they have some level of interest in you or not by their body language and how they engage in the conversation, obviously if I can tell they are not receiving it positively I won’t ask for the contact at the end just say have a nice day and move on.

Some examples of where I have done this:

1. At a bus stop – was waiting with my friend for an Uber, saw a girl walk past me who really caught my eye and she sat down at the bus stop, went up to her and just said ‘excuse me, I really like your style!’ her reaction was really positive and we talked as above for a couple minutes, 3 days later we went on a date!
2. On a street crossing, she was waiting to cross as was I, I left my friends and went to talk to her, 4 days later we went on a date!
3. Bars/Clubs of course is the easiest place to do this, but there is something much more satisfying about doing it totally sober during the daytime.

Now I have learned that the reality of approaching girls in public is much different to how most people perceive it to be, we always think about the worst outcomes and blow it out of proportion, if someone politely came up to you and said hey, I think you’re cute, had a brief conversation and asked for your contact you would be pretty happy right, even if you weren’t interested in them. Just do it in the right way.

Does being attractive help? Of course it does, as it does with every single aspect of life. No one can change that, but confidence is very attractive, and having the confidence to go up to a woman that caught your eye shows a man who doesn’t live in the confines of fear.