My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. As time has gone by, I have noticed myself becoming less and less confident in myself. This is due to my BF being very critical of my looks and personality. A month ago, her professed he no longer was in love with me.. a few days later he told me he was in love with me. Similarly, last week he told me he wanted to get engaged to me before moving states with me, as I am a med student. A few days later, he told me he wanted a break from me and believe we may not work. These drastic changes of ideas and feelings has me lost on my end. I have also tried to be stable for him and provide a stable relationship. Is this mental abuse? Is he manipulating me? I can no longer tell what is bad and what is not… help?
8 comments
>Is this mental abuse? Is he manipulating me?
Sounds to me that he’s doing both.
Highly recommend you read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Sounds like your boyfriend is destroying your confidence and sending you mixed messages to keep you confused. Makes you easier to control, which is usually the objective of abusive behaviour.
I think if your boyfriend says he doesn’t love you anymore, it’s probably time to break up? None of the rest really matters
Yes, you should leave.
`These drastic changes of ideas and feelings`
He’s 1) immature, 2) abusive, and/or 3) seeing other people.
just break up with him. You see that you are being hurt by him. Focus on med school and be a great doctor.
Youve got better things going for you. Step away from this man and move on. There’s plenty of men out there that wont do that to you. Shouldnt have to loose your self to be with someone. You are seeing the flags, dont ignore them. They only get worse.
What on earth does this person do for you, other than manipulate you and emotionally abuse you? Get out – you’re in med school and likely have a fulfilling & successful life ahead of you, but this guy shouldn’t be part of it.
I think you already know the answer. This doesn’t have to be formally diagnosed as abuse or manipulation, the fact is you’re not happy. What do you want to do about that?
Complex, in addition to his unstable behaviors and emotional abuse, does your BF show signs of having a strong abandonment fear? For example, a few months into your relationship, did he start showing strong jealousy over harmless events involving other men — or try to isolate you away from your close friends and family members? He would view your spending time with friends/family as your choosing them over him. Moreover, he usually would hate being alone by himself.