Me and my SO have been together for 9 years we have 2 kids together . We got pregnant with our first 3 months into the relationship so it’s been a huge learning curve to say the least. We’ve had our ups and downs but this summer everything came to a head. This summer she began to chat with randoms over reddit and eventually began trading nudes and videos with said people all the while still with me . She said she convinced herself we were done and that’s why she did it. But I originally caught it about a month ago. When I did I asked her to stop she said she would but never did. I began to be investigative and discovered she didn’t stop talking to these people and was still exchanging nudes and mastorbatory videos with the sex toys, and outfits I bought and paid for on a phone I also pay for. We began this up and down , will they won’t they cycle for over the past month. During that time we decided to give the relationship a last chance due to changes I had made in my life and having already spent 9nyears together but she continued this torrid affair the whole time. Even going to the point of blocking me on snap. She claims to have cut it off but has saved pics from these random sexters. Now she has claimed to cut it off but she’s done that atleast 10 times over the past month.
I understand what caused her to originally start talking to these people but the fact that she refused to stop after I caught her several times , I even told her If thats her kink then we can do it together but that wasn’t good enough. Even up until this Friday she still had saved photos on her phone. She has claimed that she wants it to work with me but I have no trust for her at the moment and due to the lying and her trying to continue these relationships behind my back. I’m extremely insecure with her . I want it to work and I want to get over it , for God’s sake we’ve been together for 9 years with out any other infidelity and honestly breaking up over cheating ,especially with a claim of nothing physical. IMO isn’t a deal breaker. My issues are with the hiding and sneaking to keep it with these certain people is what drives me insane and has me acting like a crazy psycho boyfriend. Any advice?
Tldr Girlfriend started sexting other redditors once caught said she would stop still hasn’t but claims they only want me!
9 comments
You’re letting sunk cost fallacy keep you in a relationship with an asshole cheater. Your girlfriend wasn’t having an emotional affair, she was full on sexting other men online for a long time even after finding out
You should leave. You deserve better. She’s not worth it
She keeps doing it, lies about it, blocks YOU instead of the affair partners, she has no intention of stopping.
Stop paying her bills, untangle the relationship, move on.
But you wouldn’t just be breaking up because of cheating. You’d be breaking up because you can’t trust her, and without trust your relationship is doomed.
Better you leave now, because your partner has no remorse and will not stop, I hope you know that. And I’m gonna be real with you man, this is probably just the first time you caught her. Cheaters rarely ever give you the full story, they tend to admit to ONLY what you can prove.
Time to grow a backbone and leave unless this is what the rest of your life to look like. Don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy.
Non-monogamy is cool. Non-consensual non-monogamy erodes all trust between partners and can only lead to further toxicity.
My guy you know what you need to do
She sounds like a horrible partner and you shouldn’t be talking yourself out of it. I’m sorry she’s treating you like that it’s really nasty. I hope you can get out of this as clean as possible.
Bin it. It’s not the emotional affair, it’s not the link, it’s the damn lying. You cannot build/continue a partnership with someone who blatantly lies.
Give her one last chance to delete ALL the messages/profiles/contacts on ALL devices, whilst sat beside you so you can see it’s happened, then introduce a ‘no passwords’ rule for an appropriate period (say a year) for BOTH of you.
If she won’t agree, then you know where you stand.
Do you want to get over it or are you just afraid of starting again? You don’t have to get over it. Don’t fall for ‘sunken cost’ and end the relationship.