The limit of my social interest with this person is casual interaction when we run into each other at the dog park.
We were getting along, so I agreed to exchange numbers (as I have with many people from the park), but now he seems to think I might date him or something? Idk. He hasn’t mentioned anything non-platonic, but he keeps inviting me to things and messaging/calling (maybe.. 2-3 times/week?) and I feel an obligation to be friendly, but it’s getting annoying… I don’t want to be rude but I also don’t want to be pestered.
How do I set this precident with people from the start? For reference I’m 37/f if it matters.
**Update**:
With the help of advice here I sent him a message clarifying things, and he replied back: “Thanks for being blunt, only reenforces my respect for you! I’ll definitely back off the texts…still hope to see you around the dog park/beach:) Again have a lot of respect for you, think yer awesome even if yer not very social and out of respect I’ll give you space. Know that I’ve got yer back and I’m not offended… maybe a bummer but hopefully see you around!”
16 comments
“I never want to hang out and please stop asking”
To be polite, you can try to change the dynamic by saying something like “hey thanks for reaching out, but I’ve got a lot goin on right now. I’ve got your number so I’ll make sure to stay in touch if and when I’m free and want to do something. Take care and I’ll see you and dogs name at the dog park” Hopefully they will understand you want to instigate plans, and if not you can ignore them or be more direct and blunt.
If you’ve already said “no” many times and he keeps insisting, block him. He’s the one being rude.
Take them to see The Banshees of Inisherin 🤔
If someone said to me “It’s a very busy month for me” then I would understand not to talk to that person for at least a month.
I’d recommend that, combined with never picking up a call, and taking longer and longer to respond to text messages.
Something like this:
Hey thank you for thinking of me, I must say I’m not interested in [ insert activities ]. I’ll see you around the dog park.
I have said to someone “I don’t think I can give you what you need in this friendship” never heard from her again.she just said message received. It’s tough and a little succinct, maybe, “ I don’t think I can give you what you need in a friendship outside of the dog park, my life is just really incredibly full”
Just say no
As a honest and direct Dutch person. I would say just one word:
“No”
It is very clear. You don’t have to explain anything. Don’t start excusing yourself, you don’t owe anything. This is your right.
I can’t believe all these comments people are making about coming up with some excuse. It is your life damn it you shouldn’t have to excuse yourself for living your life.
You don’t have to answer his calls or respond to his messages.
Also, it’s not rude to tell him that you’re not interested a relationship beyond your interactions at the dog park.
Worry less about “politeness” and be honest and upfront. Get your point across. You can try to soften the blow some but don’t just ghost him or keep stringing along a bunch of empty excuses hoping he’ll just get the picture, that’s arguably way more disrespectful and impolite than just straight up telling him to fuck off.
“I apologize if I’ve maybe given off the wrong impression, but I really don’t have much interest in hanging out with you.”
And to be frank, no matter how you phrase it if he’s the type of guy to get upset and call you a bitch when he doesn’t get his way than that’s probably what he’s going to do regardless. But how other people view you isn’t really your responsibility.
I feel you on this. This is my life. I don’t know how or why I can’t just say “no,” but to me it is just mean and I can’t do it. So I do what you do – make excuses over and over and over again until he gets the point. And IT. IS. EXHAUSTING. I haven’t figured out why I can’t be more direct, but I literally just cannot. It gets me in all kinds of trouble. The only thing I have learned is that, because I am from the Midwest (Kansas) and now live on the East Coast (Philly), my version of “rude” is literally everyone else’s version of “wow, this chick DEFINITELY wants me.”
I don’t have a great answer, but I’m following along for tips and tricks.
Good luck.
Why would you give your number out like that lmao
Simply be honest with him. Say something like “You seem like a really nice guy and we get along really well at the park which is why I gave you my number, but Im not looking for anything more than that right now and I just wanted to be sure that I didn’t give you the wrong impression. Hope to see you and your pup at the park soon 😄.” If he’s really just looking to date you then I guarantee he’ll stop texting after this. Unless of course he’s a creep. Then you could tell him you started seeing someone and it’s getting serious.
I’m not interested in spending time with you outside of the dog park
You don’t have to be polite but you must set clear boundaries
Reply less. Maybe one non committal reply every fourth message. Don’t take any phone calls, ever.