What would change you’re mind

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  1. Different people have different goals. I like dating and will continue to do it, but I’m not getting married. I don’t want to be tied to another person in that way. Too much can go wrong and the cons far outweigh the pros for me.

  2. I’ve been able to establish a calm and stable life on my own after a childhood and early adulthood with periods of great turbulence. I’m generally not good at what is needed to maintain a healthy relationship, and believe attempts to start one would disrupt the stability and peace I have.

    I assume I will become the elderly lifelong single guy who’s spent tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars on his hobbies while writing longwinded letters to local news publishers about how the traffic on his street is too loud or whatever. I will have no idea how to unhook a bra but I will own 65 different recorded versions of Dvorak’s New World Symphony, be able to describe the differences between each of them, and probably maintain a .doc file ranking them.

  3. I never managed to counter balance my Autistic traits, and now I’m too old and burnt out to make an effort.

  4. I was married, that’s it’s own story, but I honestly don’t have the energy for searching for a relationship. If I happen to come across the right person, then I would be willing and able to be a good partner. I took a few years for myself to make sure that I am mentally in a good place, and I feel like I’m in a good place now to start dating again, if I happen to find someone that’s great, but I’m not actively going out and about looking for someone to meet.

    That has happened to me a cute girl at work who asked me if I was single yesterday and was getting all giggly with her friends (she is not speak English so we have a bit of a language barrier, but I can Google that shit if I need to and that’s where it develops. My Spanish is weak but I’m trying to learn

  5. Im ugly, i cant hold a conversation, never dated before, i simply wouldnt know what to do or how to be in a relationship

  6. Was encountering too many girls with princess complexes! like they all said, they were strong/independent women yet they basically just wanted to be pampered and paid for. While giving zero in return other than the honor to bask in their presence!

    And I just got tired of that selfish/hypocritical BS!

    Like I know, not all women are like that, of course, But I guess my luck was to attract a number of girls like that! SMH

  7. Despite currently dating somebody, I never was on the lookout for anything like that. I am a very self-sufficient person, I enjoy peace and quiet, and find it sometimes hard enough to just be myself. I do not want to burden another person with that, and I do not want someone else to carry my issues.

    When I asked the woman I am currently dating how her view on that was, she looked at me as if I just asked something incredibly obvious, and stupid, and simply told me that I am not my illness.

  8. I haven’t stopped completely, but I don’t like where I live right now, so I’m taking a break until I move. I dated a little bit early on this year and met a few people, but everyone I liked either lived too far away or the feeling wasn’t mutual. I’m kind of just burnt out on my current location and don’t feel motivated to do anything here other than go to work and stuff.

  13. I’m a full time boxer, so I hardly have free time for myself let alone someone else. Women I would date/get to know instantly thought they hit the lottery when I would tell them I fight for a living , little did they know it was the opposite. I would love to actually have someone to call mine but my lifestyle makes it difficult for women to stay. I train most of the day and when I’m not training I’m watching film or getting physical therapy, not leaving much time for a women. They all tell me to quit the sport I love( I’m currently undefeated so I’m not quitting for nobody) but boxing is the life I chose and I’m sticking to it. Maybe one day I’ll find someone that values and understands me, until then I’ll just keep fighting to feel something.

  14. I realized I never cared and half assed things.

    I’m 38 and never been on a date or in a relationship and I “tried” for about 20 years with nothing. I ended up giving up a couple years ago and recently I started seeing the signs that I half assed trying and never really wanted to date or be in a relationship to begin with.

  15. Not exactly sure where or how to find women to date. Flirting with someone at work or the gym seems inappropriate. Dating apps suck and I’m at a disadvantage. And most of the women I find attractive are taken or just not into me.

  16. I think I’ve gotten to enjoy my free time too much to give it up. Maybe if I found somebody with similar interests that we could pursue together, but they’re so rare. I think the older I get, the more I just want a simple uncomplicated life, and a girlfriend would just work against that.

  17. I’ve heard every excuse under the sun why they’re not interested, so I’m done wasting my time, money and energy on it.

  18. You get to a certain age, and you get very honest with yourself.

    At my age the choices are seriously compromise in terms of what I’ve always wanted or be alone.

    TBF I’m no prize either but …

    I’d rather be alone.

    >What would change you’re mind

    Realistically nothing. Not sure why my mind needs changing though.

  19. Lack of success. I’m pushing 40 and have never had a girlfriend. I’ve tried approaching women both in person and on dating apps. I’ve had zero success whatsoever doing it in person and hardly any online. Matches are so few and far between they may as well not happen at all. On the rare occasion I get to go on a first date there’s hardly ever a second and never a third. No woman has ever taken the initiative to approach or pursue me.

    I’ve got a decent job, hobbies, and a group of good friends. I’ve been “putting myself out there” and “working on myself” since my early 20s and generally following all the advice that well-meaning family, friends, and strangers give me – and yet I simply do not get any meaningful results no matter how hard I try.

    At some point you’ve got to realize when enough is enough and stop wasting your time and money pursuing something you’ll never be capable of achieving. Surely by now *someone* would have expressed genuine interest in me?

    At this point I feel like I’m so inexperienced and so far behind everyone else that it’s no longer possible to catch up anymore. How do you successfully date when every eligible woman has gained more dating experience in a single year than you have in an entire lifetime?

    I’m tired of trying so hard only to keep failing so bad. At some point people recognize when to give up on their dreams of being a race-car driver or a rock star: I’ve just got a different dream – and it’s time to give it up.

    At this point the only thing that would entice me back into dating would be if a woman took the time, effort, and initiative to pursue me on her own. At the very least I wouldn’t have to wonder if she likes me or if I’m wasting my time.

  20. I was married, which another story for another time. I’m happier being alone now that I’ve finally found peace. I spent the last few years leveling up. Becoming financially stable, buying a house, focusing on my business. I’m happy with where I’m at and I learned I don’t need a woman for me to be happy.

    That being said, my standards who I choose to date is much higher than it ever was before. And I’m in a place in my life where I get to be picky. I’m never going to give my energy, time, and money to another person who won’t reciprocate that same effort ever again. And if that means I’m single forever, so be it lol

  21. Dating is a joke now. Tried to approach it every possible way; be myself, be confident, be kind and thoughtful. Treated others with respect and showed patience.

    I’ve been used financially, emotionally, physically and possibly other ways I haven’t realized. But because I’m a man I’m expected to deal with it myself. Minimal support from friends or family.

    I don’t hate anyone for how I feel. But I’m bitter that no matter my effort, I’m alone and on my own. I’ve decided it’s best to refocus my energy on myself and myself only. Life is simpler and easier that way.

  22. Eh. Dating seems like such an app based vapid shit show now. There’s just too many options when you can swipe in your sweatpants on your couch.

  23. I’ve been cheated on several times, which is something I’ll never understand, but hey. I remember having distinct conversations with previous partners and be like “hey, if you ever become uninterested in relationship, just tell me. No hard feelings, it happens”. “Oh definitely I would never do that to you”. Ends up cheating. Regardless, marriage is something I have never wanted. Add the fact that in my experience, half of woman lie, cheat, and manipulate, I never want to be in a position where I have to take legal action just to remove someone from my life. Too much risk, and I can’t think of any reward.

  24. I’m already struggling enough to stay alive and build my life. Last thing I need is an unrewarding side job that not only doesn’t reward the effort but also makes me feel worse than I actually am.

    If there’s anything that would make me change my mind, it’s a Time Machine to send me back to better times where I had people that actually reciprocated interest. Right now, porn is decent enough, since sex bots aren’t a thing yet.

  25. Need to heal back up for a bit, but then I’ll throw my hat back into the ring. I don’t want to not give my best for the next person I run into

  26. Tried to build the house of cards and play family… twice.

    Ended in devastating turmoil both times.

    I’m not really a hookup/casual dating kind of guy.

    Idk. Seems easier to just stay solo. I really don’t think I could handle another discard. And I’m not the only person I have to look out for. So I can’t afford to “Be utterly broken” for a few months again.

    Maybe in another life. Who fucking knows? 🤷🏼‍♂️

  27. Because I’m never enough for whoever. I just wake up every day waiting to drop dead now.

  28. Absolutely, completely tired of having my needs, boundaries etc walked all over in long term relationships, life for me is much better having close connections with good people over some official thing which devolves into controlling rubbish.

    Just my recent experience in last few serious relationships, I’m choosing the wrong people, but they seemed right before it got too serious.

  29. People keep hurting me. This latest one was with me for 3 years and told me she would love me and be with me forever only to leave me for a 22-year-old gym buddy. Tore my soul to shreds. I don’t have anything left to be honest.

  30. I’m too knee-deep in trying to get a career, which has been consuming all of my time and energy.

    If I get married to the right person, I wouldn’t mind. However, I’m also willing to accept being single forever as long as I have enough money for my needs and wants.

  31. Dating was an insane amount of work for very little payoff, I wasn’t having any fun while doing it, and it was adversely affecting my mental health. I found that women went into dates with insanely high standards and were always asking what I had to bring to the table without ever considering what they themselves had to bring to the table. Dating felt more job hunting during a recession. It was fucking awful and I gave up on dating, realizing that relationships are an optional part of life. I may try again at some point, but right now I’d rather spend my time and money doing things that I enjoy.

  32. I’m kinda broken. I honestly don’t think anyone will ever honestly love me again. I’m afraid that any women I meet now would just want to use me. I’m just tired now.

  33. Well, I’m a lover. I give my heart 100% and it’s hard when it’s not reciprocated. Aside from that, I personally have commitment issues that probably stem from my early family life. I don’t feel like anybody really has my back, and it’s hard to find somebody that’s down for you 100% like that. Outside of emotions, marriage is scary. Being a man, it’s hard watching friends not only pay child support, but never be able to see their kids. If I got married, that’s it, we’d be together. Not by forcing myself to stay with you, but I want to love you, and I want to be loved by you. It’s just unrealistic to believe in that because people tend to hold onto their true colors until you’ve already spent a lot of time with them.

    Love is just one of the most beautiful things, it just is really hard to find something true

  34. I’m just tired. I’m just soooooooo tired. I barely have the energy to handle my own shit and I’m supposed to handle the shit of two people?

  35. Nothing will change my mind.

    To give everything you are, make sacrifices to make others happy, work yourself into the ground to provide and to be told you’re not enough and be left isn’t something I have any intentions of going through again. While I’ve had break ups before, losing the home that I poured everything into so we could have the white picket fence future she wanted broke me.

    Now I have a job that gives me a good work life balance. I’m technically homeless(well houseless) but I’ve bought a bus to turn into a home for myself and my dogs. I have time for me now. I read, I play games, I don’t see other people unless I’m at work. I haven’t been this relaxed in my life. I imagine this is what retirement feels like.

  36. I’ve temporarily given up on dating and LTRs. I’m not looking, but maybe I’ll find someone special.

    First LTR, which I’ve talked about on Reddit before, was a shit show after I broke it off. I found out the baby wasn’t mine. Then was stalked for two years. Fun times.

    I was wife my ex wife for 12 years. I have been divorced since March of this year. Separated for 9 months before that. It was amicable. Many factors led to that divorce.

    I’ve have two one night stand experiences. One was very odd. The other wasn’t planned.

    Anyway, I’ve found that I need an emotional connection to have sex. Period. Thought I was experiencing ED until my ex and I hooked up a few months ago. I work just fine.

    I enjoy being single. I can do whatever the hell I want. I don’t have to consider anyone whatsoever. And I love that freedom. I’m going to buy a motorcycle soon which my ex wife vehemently opposed. And it’s not like a mid life crisis thing. I rode dirtbikes growing up. Always wanted a street bike.

    I’m also working on myself. A lot. Major, major lifestyle changes and I’m slowly getting back in incredible shape. Even better than I was in my 20s.

    I’m just not interested in it right now. I don’t want to do dating apps. I can’t stand social media, save for Reddit, although I’m not sure if that’s what this is. I don’t want a fucking Instagram. I just have no desire to put any effort at all into another relationship right now.

  38. I’m 42. iLife been on 2 dates in my life. One of witch was a bet or dare. So obviously I have no idea how to relate to people. I have more mental issues than I can fathom. I know nothing about dating, relationships,love and sex, not even able to carry on a conversation Who the hell gonna want that

  39. After being rejected countless amount of times, I realized that no one would ever choose me over someone else infinitely better than me in every way literally next door.

  40. For a lot of reasons being mentioned here, the men from the generation that is currently in their early-mid 20s, are a lot more likely to grow old and die alone.

  41. getting married? what disillusioned me on that is the 8 goddamn divorces in my family. i dont mind long term relationships (if i could even find anyone to date, goddamn it), but i WILL NOT marry.

  42. I have sole custody of my son. My last relationship showed me that I have trouble catching red flags and do not want to bring an unstable person into my sons life. For now I will focus on raising my son.

  43. I actually was close to getting married in my teen years. Was even expecting a child. Two weeks before the wedding, a drunk driver decided to take both her and the baby away from me.

    I just emotionally checked out of that whole business.

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