the two of us (A and B) agreed to talk together to our manager about a new coworker who likes to lazy during working hours (C). In the end I was the only one who talked to the manager, because my coworker ‘had a medical appointment’ afterwards, even though he said he would attend the meeting.
I talked to the manager alone, she said she would talk to C.
But then when I was leaving the hospital, B approached me all friendly chatty to ask how was my meeting with the admin, what did I say and what did she say…
Dude, if this is so important to you, why didn’t you come with me? And if you have a ‘medical appointment’, why are you still on the premises and talking to me?
Being this inconsistent bothers me and my opinion about B has changed for worse.
My questions are actually 2:
* AITA?
* What lessons do I learn from this?
12 comments
You learned to never do that again.
You don’t go to your manager to complain about a lazy coworker. Jesus Christ.
Nobody likes a tattletale. Unless their laziness makes more work for you, don’t worry about it. You’re not paying their wages. Worker B didn’t want to be a snitch.
Nah, you’re not an asshole, it’s totally understandable that you’re irritated. I will say, though, that you probably shouldn’t let it get to you too much. Sometimes people let you down, but shit happens. Best you can do is talk to coworker B like, “Hey man, it was kinda uncool of you to leave me hanging out to dry like that” and move on. Assuming B isn’t an immature douche, he’ll apologize and y’all will go back to work, it doesn’t need to be a fight or anything. As far as lessons learned, I’d say that in the future, keep in mind that people flake on stuff sometimes and don’t put all your trust in someone having your back. Hope they will, but assume they won’t, you know? Also, out of curiosity, was there a reason you couldn’t just talk to your manager some other time?
Two questions:
1. How did going to your manager about coworker C positively impact your career?
2. How could going to your manager have negatively impacted your career?
Coworker B probably thought the blowback could be worse than any potential benefit, so decided not to make waves.
It’s not your job to care about “C”. Unless their laziness impacts you directly then it’s not a problem, it’s annoying.
What do you hope to gain by ratting out a coworker that you perceive to be lazy? You’re not going to be made manager or anything.
You can either slow down your work to match everyone else’s pace or find something else. Stop trying to sabotage people.
People like to complain, but not do anything about it. You did the right thing. Don’t listen to the lazy peoples responses.
> AITA?
No. You had a legitimate complaint.
> What lessons do I learn from this?
You have learned that this coworker wound you up and sent you off to do their bidding. They got to have the complaint put in without having to do anything. If anything gets back to C about the talk, then B is blameless. Your only comeback would be “Well, B *also* has a problem with you” and they’ll just wave that off.
TL;DR They set you up. You did nothing wrong. The lesson is not to do this again.
If you have to complain to a manager about a colleague that manager probably already knows and is either too lazy to deal with said colleague or assumes you’ll pick up the slack.
I’d leave and let them stew in the shit they create.
1) It’s not inherently wrong to discuss a performance problem that is impacting your team. The conversation should be objective and focused on concrete opportunities to make improvements towards specifically defined goals. Obviously if this is about an underperforming team member this kind of topic gets contentious and unproductive very quickly, and that’s why it must be a carefully put-together conversation with clear boundaries. I can’t comment on “AITA” without knowing exactly how the topic was presented and discussed with the manager.
2) You can cancel the meeting if you aren’t comfortable having it without B. Whether or not you choose to go forward without them relies on having the requisite level of trust and communication between you and B, for them to tell you that you represent their opinion in this matter, and for you to believe them that they’ll back you up if asked to confirm.
You learned that B isn’t as keen to snitch on a fellow worker as you. That’s what you learned.