Asking for a friend (not on reddit, pasting from IM):
I \[28M\] was in a pseudo-relationship or situationship with a girl \[25F\] I met on reddit. It lasted some nine months. Though she would call me her boyfriend, given her behavior, except for some occasions, I rarely felt that we were in a relationship. I would always look at it as an initial dating phase which may turn into something solid when we meet and agree to commit mutually. Whatever may be the status of the relationship, I grew closer, and started loving her. She had a very traumatic past, she is strong and overcame it. Before the day of our planned meeting, she ghosted me and it was a herculean task to find her again. I found her, and we were in contact for 3-4 months after that, with very cold texts once or twice a month. She recently asked me to stop talking to her. Of course, I obliged. It was also difficult for me to initiate any texts given her extreme coldness.
It was difficult to move on, but I did hold up after the initial week. Fortunately, I was approached by a few girls later. Though I couldn’t take it forward and had to say No for other reasons. In a way, I am doing normal these days with a few quandaries in between.
These days, whenever I hear or read stories of girls in trouble, I remember her and feel somewhat concerned. For instance, my old friend was narrating about her bitter experiences and I was thinking in the background that she doesn’t get into them. Similarly, when I read some girl being troubled, I wish she takes care of herself. I don’t know how weird this is. Because, at the back of my mind, I know that she doesn’t give a damn about me, nor does she respects my feelings, nor she wants me to feel like this. Even realizing all this, I still cannot stop this behavior. I don’t know how to prevent this. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
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tl;dr.
Been in a situationship, fell in love, got attached. The girl asked me to stop talking among other things. I feel concerned about her well-being when I read stories of women in trouble, which I ideally should not (may be)? How to stop those concerning thoughts (which she also doesn’t need).
1 comment
Safe to guess that this woman in your past is more or less the only “troubled girl” you’ve been close to in your life? If so, that’s easy: she’s your sole reference point for what “troubled girls” are like. And now when you hear about a troubled girl, your mind goes to that reference point.
You’ll get over it. You’ll meet other troubled people and realize that this woman of your past’s trauma isn’t a template for trauma around the world.