Perhaps this is a rant, or rather just some talks, per-say of me (22) being a loner and forever virgin. Basically me just “expressing” my feelings to feel better. Yes, Im a virgin that has barely any experience in a relationship or just talking to a girl. Im that introverted, but I do think Im a decent guy emotionally, physically and deep down once they get to know me. But others can think otherwise.
Last year, I wanted to get into sexting or just chatting thats sexual. Some worked and some didnt. What I was really wanting was to find someone living near me that wants a fwb or small relationship. But the communications were across the ocean. SLOWLY, the app used to kind of understand more of the girls sexual life and preferences were fun to read, as well as me explaining my side. But then I later deleted it.
As for a these past 2 months, Ive been really into hookups or escorts?.. Tinder is something I tried, but I saw quite a few old aquaintances from highschool. Which made me think, “She is going to talk to her friends about this, and my reputation is going down if she sees this.”. So after 3 days, I just said screw it and stopped the account.
I also tried an online place for local sex. Those somewhat sketchy sites that you pay a membership to see what others send you and such. Since I started making money, I said screw it and tried. It was fun, talking to somewhat local girls, but obviously there were fakes so I once again decided to just close it.
And finally, I looked at escort sites. Those craigslist or kijiji looking sites that have girls (and guys) selling their bodies for a few hundred dollars and hour. I messaged about 15 that were nearby, and found out how they do things. I had 1 possible chance, but I requested something too kinky so she stopped talking. Think of some… drinking her waste body water. I asked her to drink lots of water before… Im that kind of guy, really seem into it, I wont lie.
Anyways, I always thought, I wanted my first sex to be someone special. Not just a random girl/escort. Special that is in a relationship with me and enjoying their lives with me. Here I am just looking at these sites, chatting with others and just not making any progress in my sex life. I guess I think of females as queens or alien queens; who I have to worship for them to want me by their side…
Yet I want sex. I know people can get their first sex late and thats fine, but I kind of want it now. Though there are other factors that just screw that chance down, all thanks to me doing what Im doing to myself…
Hope I meet a girl one day and just bang non-stop with many kinks and fetishes.
2 comments
Its tough being single at your age. Sexual frustration is very real.
I’m really against hookup culture, and especially against paying someone for sex. While you get the instant gratification, it’s going to shape how you view sex, and your expectations.. and your future SO might not appreciate the fact that you have slept around (if you choose to do so). Everyone has different values and while some may not care, you could fall for a woman that does care and it won’t feel so good to either lie or have to ultimately tell her the truth. I say all of this because it does seem like you yourself lean toward valuing sex as something to do with someone special, and that you’re just struggling with the intensely hormonal side of being a young adult.
I’m not saying stay a virgin, but it really is better to wait for someone you connect with emotionally. Be it at least a fwb, or someone you love.
You also seem to be eager to dive into some heavily kinky shit for someone who’s inexperienced. I’d really recommend doing things gradually. Start with the vanilla stuff, practice pleasuring a woman before you end up asking a lot of someone. If you’re terrible at the basics, it’s going to be difficult to find someone willing to do more. Watching too much porn can also be really damaging in so many ways. I don’t know if you do, but I can’t imagine a virgin with lots of kinks just picked them up without that being the case so, be mindful of how much you’re consuming.
I’d work on securing a relationship and not just quick sex. If that’s what you want for yourself in the long-term, put yourself out there and improve the things you can improve upon. Dress decently, eat healthy, be well-groomed and be honest and clear about what you want and who you are.
Lastly, this is all just my opinion. Other people will hold different values and lifestyles and that’s okay. This is just my two cents.
the fact that you keep going back to/mentioning “special” says to me that maybe an escort or something along those lines isn’t the best option right now. you still have so much of your life to meet women who will have fun with you. also consider yourself down the road, and would you’re future self be happy that you chose an escort or the like for your first time? just some food for thought