My husband [M/34] and [F/31] recently moved to a new house. Everything from the 1st month of rent plus deposit, as well as all the bills that comes with it have been very expensive.
The money that we do have left over we need it for appliances and other expenses. We lived in an apartment before this which is why we’re now splurging a little more.
His cousin has a wedding soon which he really wants to go to, but the cousin lives out of state and he was originally set on not going due to how much money it will cost.
Now he has all his cousins, aunts, even his dad constantly calling him and telling him to “just go, it’ll be fine”. I’m not against him going at all, but he has noticed himself that we will be in trouble financially for longer if he goes.
His cousins call him daily telling him he needs to just go and that’s it. His dad has been calling and making him feel guilty by telling him that this cousin came to his wedding so he has to go. If he goes, it’ll be driving so a lot spent on gas and he will have to chip in several hundred dollars for a big car they’re renting. Plus food and other stuff that comes with a trip. I unfortunately can’t go because I’m still new at my job and have very little PTO. He has his own small business so there’s no paid time off for him. If we both go it’s worse since neither of us are bringing money in for those 9 days.
He feels really guilty with everything his family is telling him. And he might end up going due to the guilt they’re putting him through and we’ll be a bit more screwed financially now.
Is his family right to be making him feel this way? Anyone ever go through something like this?
TL;DR;
My husband’s family member is getting married and his whole family is guilt tripping him to go even after he’s explained to them our current financial situation.
5 comments
His family is wrong and they’re being highly rude and inconsiderate by continuing to push him into something that is going to hurt you financially.
Are they aware of your financial situation? If they care so much for him to go, are they willing to pay for his gas and portion of the car rental?
Your husband needs to stand up to his family and you need to back him up.
It’s not affordable for him to attend. That’s the situation. Unless his family wants to pay his way, he needs to shut them down and if they bring it up, end the conversation. Yes, it sucks, but it’s not the end of the world for his cousin that your husband won’t be able to attend. And the fact that your husband’s family knows this, but won’t back down shows that the issue is with them and the fact they don’t respect your husband more than anything else.
I think the one person who’s opinion should count the most is the cousin that’s actually getting married. If he makes a phone call with a sincere apology explaining that neither of you are in the position to make the trip at this time due to the big move/job change, etc., perhaps that may alleviate some of the pressure from his immediate family. A nice card w/a check, gift card or a gift from their registry should be more than enough.
I come from a rather large extended family myself, and we are pretty close (compared to most), but not one of them would put this kind of pressure on me in this situation.
Stop giving them reasons. Any time you give someone like this a reason they will try to solve it for you.
And stop letting your husband blame this on you. The two of you decided to move, decided on the larger house, decided on the new job, decided on his self-employment with no income backup. He is being a shitty husband by blaming you for it in front of his family.
the answer is no. Full stop. no explanation, no argument. if they want to keep going he needs to just hang up until they can act like adults.
Just say you’re afraid of getting COVID and if you do get it you may have brain fog and become disabled and you won’t be able to work and support yourself financially. Long COVID is a bitch and you increase your chances of getting it significantly by going to large meetings. Also list that you have major money issues. It’s embarrassing but just be the one to say it. Say how much you have left and that money is tight and all the things you will have to give up on having like food water and shelter if you go. Say that you won’t be able to afford next months rent. It’s the truth.