I just need some other opinions. My partner and I have been together for four years. And just within the past six months there have been three occasions of myself coincidentally catching him out master bating.
The first time I found lube on a window seal where it doesn’t usually stay, I asked him about it and he denied denied denied.
The second time I had a feeling because a few things were out of place and he denied again.
I confronted him, said I don’t like that he feels the need to lie about master bating. And we had previously had discussions about our point of views on watching porn without each other and he said it was *weird* and I said I didn’t like it because there are other options such as a camera roll he has full of porn like stuff with us two and there’s always me, most days.
This morning I walked into the bathroom when he was ‘showering’ and he slammed his phone down and got in the shower. I looked at his phone and there were porn pics.
I feel disgusting, like I’m not enough and just completely gross and I need other opinions to see if I’m over reacting.
Edit: there’s a few comments about my opinion on porn however, it is not the porn that I’m asking about it’s the lying about it and doing it while I’m home in the other room. Porn isn’t necessarily a threat to me nor do I care that he is watching it. It is the fact that he is doing it when I’m home in another room.
12 comments
Some people like and are ok with porn and masturbating. Both are normal and not in and of themselves unhealthy. Some people arent. You arent likely to change him and the continued forbiddance will just keep creating opportunities to be untruthful. If its really a dealbreaker for you i would suggest finding someone whose values align with yours.
I’m concerned as to why he feels he needs to hide it the way he is. He obviously isn’t going to stop and you need to decide if you can live with that or not.
That’s why he denies it because ypu crucify him for watching porn. If you guys are still having a healthy sex life there should be no issue with him watching porn. It’s completely normal.
I’ve heard once that it’s easier to vilify porn and masterbating than it is to have an honest conversation about our turn on with our partner.
You do not own anyones sexuality but your own.
You are not entitled to be the only one giving them sexual pleasure.
You are not in the right demanding that they only pleasure themselves on your terms.
Grow up.
OP’s just made an edit to the post. For people who are making OP feel like the bad guy for not letting the partner watch porn, I feel like you’re missing the point. OP’s isn’t saying that they dont want the partner watching porn, it’s more that they’re lying about it and trying to hide the fact. OP’s partner is lying and hiding the fact, and even stated that he finds watching porn weird. I know I would personally feel weird if my partner was watching porn and getting himself off while I’m in the other room.
OP, I’m sorry that he’s made you feel this way and that he’s hiding things from you. Might be best to sit him down and communicate how it makes you feel, and then move forward from there. If he lies again, you know where you stand.
so you’d be fine if he told you, I jerk to porn? tell him that.
It’s lying to avoid embarrassment. Most people consider that kind of lie acceptable. And most people understand that virtually every guy does it and any guy dening it is just avoiding embarrassment. I mean, did you believe him, or did you really know it was a lie? Lube on the windowsill? Come on.
Your attitude is odd. Masturbation isn’t something he should be being shamed or caught out for by his own girlfriend in his own home, talk about living on eggshells. Everyone is entitled to privacy and bodily autonomy without having to answer to another, you don’t own him.
He’s hiding it because your reactions and emotions about it are weird and unhealthy. If this was my partner (I’m female), trying to dictate or catch me out in my own self pleasure and making it about him, I’d be absolutely horrified and mortified. It’s not about you.
I would guess he’s lying because he knows how you feel about it and doesn’t want to upset you or deal with the consequences. I believe as long as it isn’t hurting your sex life who cares. My GF and I both do it and yet we still have lots of sex together also
>I feel disgusting, like I’m not enough and just completely gross and I need other opinions to see if I’m over reacting
You need therapy. He’s a normal human. You need to accept that
He’s lying to cover up his initial lie about not liking/using porn because he thought that’s what you wanted to hear. You need to talk to him properly about it. Some guys just need to see other naked women/people fucking, especially if that’s what they’ve been used to before their current partner.
As long as he’s not turning you down in order to go watch porn should it really matter? He might feel that he has a higher sex drive than you and feel a bit creepy asking/wanting it more than he thinks you do.