22F with no close friends

38 comments

1. Bumble has a BFF option. (I haven’t actually pulled the trigger and messaged people myself. It turns out my anxiety with women is worse than it is with looking for partners). You sound a lot like me, but smarter and younger. So my elder self is telling you to go for it. FOMO is real and you deserve to have fun. Try it out and let us know!

2. Find a hobby you enjoy with a group that meets up near you on a regular basis. Show up regularly and consistently with the primary goal to enjoy the activity, not primarily to make friends. Say hi to people and smile and chat about the activity. Join the before/after event socials if they have them. If it’s not too much trouble, do small things to help out when needed.

   Once you are familiar to some people, try to find one other thing you have in common with someone and expand your interactions with them to that. Once you have multiple points of interaction with someone, they will likely become a friend.

3. The same happens to me, I have almost no social life and no close friends, but the little social life I have is to go kick boxing, you meet people, practice a team sport or hobby and maybe you can meet your future close friend.

4. Hey how are you doing today fellow redditor?

5. Hey I think I feel a similar way it sucks to have a lot of friends and no close friends

6. Get into a hobby/interest. It‘s even better if it‘s a physical activity like bouldering and even more pluspoints if its a team sports like volleyball. If it‘s not your thing that‘s fine too. My local city has a boardgame club maybe yours has one too. the possibilities to meet people with common interests and not have conversations seem superficial are endless. You just need to take the initiative and seek those opportunities

7. Hey ! Normalise making online friends . They’re sometimes better than IRL friends

8. First off, don’t be so hard on yourself. I have talked to SO many people that feel like their social life is suffering because they moved to a new city right when COVID hit or had just graduated. It’s so easy to feel FOMO and feel like everyone else is living it up in their 20’s and you feel lonely.

   I think it can be hard to connect with people over messages/online so I would encourage you to go to events where you can interact with people face to face. I found myself in a similar place so I started seeking out ways to socialize — I started volunteering, I started going to the gym but & taking dance classes, and I got on Bumble BFF. I made friends doing all of these things!

   Also if you want to do something, go do it! Don’t wait around for people to invite you or feel like you need others to go with. I’ve also made friends from going to concerts by myself. When I worked from home, I would go work from local coffee shops too — I got to know the baristas and have friendly conversations and it gave me the social interaction I needed because WFH can start to feel lonely.

   I think my biggest advice is to just put yourself out there, and practice striking up conversation with people you cross paths with. Some of my best friends I have now I met through a friend of friend or literally just struck up a conversation with them out at an event — people introduce you to more people so you just gotta make a few connections for your social network to grow.

9. I’m in a similar spot. I don’t have many friends or anybody close. My current “friend” is pregnant and soon to be due next month so she’s going to be pretty occupied. But either way, she was already busy before being pregnant so sometimes like it’s rare for her to check up on me which kinda sucks but I just learned to tolerate it.

   I’m still trying to figure out the social department but I think what has been doing well is just trying to find new hobbies and learn how to do things alone too. I picked up ice skating again last year and since then, I’ve been having fun with it just by going alone, it’s a nice activity to do for my anxiety.

   Recently, I just purchased some crochet kits from The Woobles. I always wanted to learn how to crochet so I think these kits will be fun to give a try at + they’re so cute!

   Hopefully now that I’m going back to school again, I hope to try to join some social activities and talk to people

10. here’s something that you should figure out and accept. nobody likes you. but that’s ok! when you move you’ll meet other people that don’t like you and are also disappointed by you.

11. I guess a lot of people go through this, me too. It’s difficult because you need support, someone who stays with you, someone to talk, go out and just have fun. Or maybe it happen that you have friends but they don’t do the first move. I learned that if I want meet new people and new friends, I need to do the first move. At the beginning it’s difficult but you will find someone who likes to pass the time with you. If you wanna talk of anything, DM me

12. I was talking with my hubs tonight about how touched I have been these last few days that a few women from the barn I boarded my horse at were sad i was leaving, one of them (my best barn friend) said she “ugly cried” when I left ….and I cried when I read that text because it wasn’t so long ago I didn’t feel like I had any friends.

    Then I got a note in the mail from a girl from high school who I just reconnected with, our friendship is new. My book club friend asked me to lunch this week…I only know her in the group so this is nice just us. And I ran into the elderly produce manager at the grocery store I go to and he shared another Dad joke with me (that’s our thing, but he also asks me about horses – he reminds me a lot of my own dad). I don’t feel like I have a best friend but I feel like I’ve learned to cultivate friendships wherever I go, and I stopped judging myself for having a random motley crew of people.

    From the darkest days of loneliness, I finally figured out how to build a tribe of my own, one that suits me. It does take time, the ability to read social cues, and self awareness. Like, not everyone will want to be my friend.(I say I am grape jelly. Not everyone likes grape jelly, some prefer strawberry jam. So if you don’t Iike me it’s OK. But I can’t be strawberry.)

    I’ve felt lonely at different times in my life for different reasons. Sometimes relationships go into autopilot and aren’t fulfilling. People we love move away. We change environments. Or you have a falling out with someone which is heartbreaking. But you can learn to build a tribe that loves and sustains you.

    I was you in my early 20s. My mom is a narcissist so she has no friends, so I grew up thinking that was normal,since I had zero social examples in my house of how to do adult friendships. Went off to college and was insecure, started dating a guy the first few months (it got serious) so I let that get in the way of me spending time with girlfriends. I just didn’t know how to build female friendships and didn’t have/make time either. Then I had to break up with the boyfriend and my whole social group was his. So at 19 I also figured out how to make girlfriends and navigate it alone. It was a very lonely time. Worst times were going to class where big groups of girls who were friends would sit by me but had no interest in talking to me, as i was outside their group. College can be like that – once you establish your friend groups early on, it can be hard to break in. Not impossible, but just not the same as freshman year.

    First job out of college was all older people, I worked a lot and took an evening job too. I did click with some of the girls I knew through work but again, I was not great at making friends. I’m telling you that loneliness messed with my sense of self, my confidence (I was sure others could TELL how desperate i was to make a friend), and I was also simply out of practice. I drank too much because i was bored and sad. I could drink a bottle of wine over a book in an evening. I wasted a lot of time feeling bad about being lonely rather than getting out and making friends.

    1. For me (54f), I found I had to be around people I felt I “fit” with, or could relate to. It is hard to explain why we just like and click with some people but don’t so much with others. But I know when I’ve found people I like who just feel right. They feel like people I could be friends with.

    I still get insecure around new groups of people and fear they are judging me – maybe I am an introvert? I do much better with small groups of people, or friends of people I already know.

    2. I read somewhere it takes over 100 hours of in person time to make a real friend, to truly get to know them. I started hiking with a few people I knew and that was a good chance to talk, laugh and learn about each other.

    3. I realize I had to quit trying to be someone I’m not and just bring my authentic (dorky, weird) self to friendships. Not all at once, but let bits of your nature shine through so they can get to know you. Once I met a new friend for coffee and she didn’t have time to shower after yoga, and she was embarrassed because I was showered and dressed. I sincerely told her I was glad she trusted me enough to come as she was, especially as she was a little vulnerable. She brought her authentic self to that moment and it cemented the next step of our friendship. Thank goodness I recognized the importance of valuing that opportunity and not teasing her about wearing yoga pants lol.

    4. When I’m meeting people I try to be calm and present and really attune to them which is an important listening skill and critical to making friends. I really had to work to learn to listen better, now I ask people about themselves a lot. And when someone is talking, look at them, stop moving, be calm and imagine that they are saying something critically important. Even one minute of doing this will make people appreciate you as a good listener. We are all busy. Stop and give attention to someone you want to know.

    5. Don’t push the beginning friendship. Let it happen like dating, with a back and forth. People are busy and have so much going on, sometimes they don’t respond enough. It’s not you. Sometimes it’s just life gets in the way.

    6. Let red flags keep you safely away from people you should not befriend. Don’t become friends with toxic assholes, or people who generally don’t make you feel better about yourself. I had a best friend from 14-our thirties until she slept with my long term boyfriend. I dumped her. It broke my heart but as I looked back, she’d been pulling some sketchy shit for years. I didn’t feel good around her for years but because she was my “best friend” I ignored all the red flags. Ugh.

    7. Have a hobby that really interests you, for me it’s: horses. I also paint, cook, garden, hike with my dogs, bike and attend theater. All of those things are a chance to meet new people through learning and doing. I also volunteer a little, take a watercolor class, find chances to be with others around theater (we did a show and I want to start a summer theater program where i live).

    I’m telling all this to you because I felt like there was something wrong with me that I didn’t have any friends for a while. I thought I was the only person in the world without a friend group like you see in movies and TV. I really was ashamed. And I truly did not know how to bridge the gap from occasional meetings to becoming a friend.

    And I always say, you just need ONE friend to get you started. Then it’s much easier to meet others as a duo.

    Good luck to you. 💕

13. Ur literally me rn. 🙌

14. I guess your dm would have flooded by now!

15. [removed]

16. 23F here if you’re ever interested in chatting. I think we all as humans want to be understood by others, and finding the right friends can really make a difference on that front. I believe in you, and I hope those meaningful connections arrive in your life when they’re needed most ☺️

17. I’m going through the same situation OP. I’m trying to find a hobby, but I’m not interested in anything
    This situation is tough but hang in there OP

18. Hey OP, I’m in a very similar situation. I’m 20 and moved after the pandemic hit and graduated HS in 2020. Plus I have social anxiety so it made it even more difficult for me to step out of my comfort zone and make new friends so I never even bothered trying. The best advice I can give you is that you need to remember your worth and not settle for fake friends or bad friends bc you’re lonely. Also I’ve found that online friends tend to be very genuine and it’s easier to find people with common interests (decent chance some of them are close enough to meet as well, after of course you know they’re genuine and not a serial killer and always meet in public settings). Idk if you have a job but if you don’t you should try to get one that will have you interacting with more people so you can naturally meet new people and you’re not trying to make friends by doing stuff most people do with others, by yourself. Let me know if you think any of these are good or bad ideas bc this is my current plan 😂. Best of luck 🙂

19. [This might help you.](https://anadvi.com/?p=65)

20. This is how I feel on a daily basis, I’m currently home waiting for my entrance exam results and it’s been 15days since someone sent me a text.

21. There are so many things you can do but this is a journey of many steps. Here are some of the first few steps you should take.

    1. Research Third Places (Sociology term) near you – You need to find a third place that you’re willing to go to often, with activities you like, types of people you prefer and so on.
    2. Realize that friends are made by spending time together and interacting. You can have surface-value conversation but you’re not genuinely spending time with them. And this sounds bad but isolating people you want to connect with so you have more time spent together isn’t a bad option.
    3. Realize that nobody is going to invite you out. Everybody is a shit planner because planning takes a lot of effort. But everybody sucks at it so make the effort and think of some ideas to things you can do and invite people to.

22. Wow, 23F here and exactly the same because of college and covid and working from home. So nice to feel like I’m not the only one. It’s definitely something i need to put a lot of work into to change. Here’s my plan

    Start initiating hang outs even if a lot of people are too busy or don’t seem to want to. Try to book another hang out with them so it’s not too long before i see them again.

    Start volunteering or joining a place related to my hobbies where I can meet likeminded people, and be open to the fact that people might not want to be close friends but that I have to go from acquaintances to casual friends to even get to close friends.

    Asking my friends to bring along a friend or two so that I can meet others through friends I know.

    I hope you consider some of these tips too!

23. I never had a lot of friends, so I feel you. Something that was hugely important to my early 20s was working an in-person job. I worked remotely from spring 21-this past august and it was awfully isolating. I know that a job is a job, positive workplace culture is never a guarantee, and it’s not necessarily that easy to just get a new job that meets your needs, but I wonder if putting out feelers and looking at other opportunities would be worth while to eventually un-isolate you?

    Finding hobby groups is great too. I never had much luck with making actual friends that way (people were in very different stages of life, ages, what have you), but it does get you flexing your social muscles.

    There’s a version of the Bumble app that is literally just for finding friends – not romantic – just finding new friends! I think that’s a great idea to try too.

    Eta: volunteer for an organization that interests you on your free time! It’s a great way to get out in the community and talk to people.

24. I cant speak for people your age (im a few years younger), but feeling isolated sucks ass. I have spent a long time feeling alone. The best thing ive been able to do is connect with people online? Make some friends on discord, or other platforms. Talk with them, play games, if their close, and you get to know them good enough, meet up in person and do the things you want to do? I wish I had any better advice for this, but Im happy to give what little advice I have.

25. Find a husband and start a family? Join a church, a sport? You’ll have loads of friends then.

26. Make a list of your interests. Make a list of your potential interests. Add exercise and volunteering to the list if at all possible, because they’re good for you. Then, look for interest-based communities that you can join related to what’s on your lists. [Meetup.com](https://Meetup.com) is a good place to start, but also try web searches and asking in local groups (such as on Facebook). Join at least two groups. Go attend their events, attend as much as you can. It’s important to put yourself out there and talk to people, but even more important is to just keep attending fairly regularly, because even if you are quiet you will get to know people with time. While a healthy and welcoming group is ideal, a lot of groups struggle these days because so many people are antisocial and we have just culturally forgotten how community works. So while you can group-shop a bit, err more on the side of committing to a community for a pretty long term as long as they aren’t actually toxic. It’s normal to feel disconnected and like an outsider for awhile–give it lots of time and stay committed.

27. I don’t know if this would help. I’m 22 as well and in a very similar situation. In my city we have a few game clubs, where they open 7on Fridays and it’s open for all people with thousands of board games. Many people just come in, alone, and find someone to play with. Everyone talks about what game they want to play, and asks if someone else wants to join. I found a few casual friends this way.

    Another thing is volunteering. We have this student volunteering union, where students/non students create events that are funded by the municipality. They do races, board game nights, karaoke night, and so on. You can volunteer as a helper as well as join alone, all people are so friendly.

    I guess the last one would be to find hobbies that you like and find a group on FB about it. We have knitting group in FB of my city, book clubs, art, etc. where group activities are planned. F.x. Book club every month the people vote on a book to read (or more often) and then they create an event to meet up and chat about it over tea, coffee, etc.

    Maybe this helps. I found a few friends this way, but for me, the best friends are made from the “hard, part-time” jobs I worked when I was younger. A few people over different jobs became the best friends 🙂

28. Same situation, remote work after uni and moving countries put my friend count from 10 to 0. Tried playing online games but it doesn’t work that well.

    To make friends like at school you have to put yourself in an environment like school. Consistently go to a physical place to do something that has other people involved and passively engage with the same people over time until you like eachother enough to do stuff.

    It takes time, same amount of time to make those school friends

29. I will be your new close friend

30. look, I’ve been in your shoes. You can even check my post history, and since my semester started in August, I’ve not only managed to widen my social circle, I’ve also managed to do it by a considerable margin. There are three big things that you have to remember when it comes to making friends.

    1) Consistency is key!!

    You’re not going to make friends by talking to someone once and calling it quits. You have to actively make an effort to be social. Say yes to everything, even if you really don’t want to go and be social. Force yourself to. It may suck, but it works.

    2) Take risks

    Approach people! Talk to them, be nice, ask questions about them and use that information to navigate a conversation. Yes, cold calling people runs the risk of rejection but making friends is a numbers game when you’re trying to create and establish a social life. Right now it is in fact quantity over quality, after a few months you’ll see which friendships aren’t going to work out, and which will

    3) Be easy-going

    Look, I love to complain like any other person. BUT, nobody likes someone who is ALWAYS negative. It’s kind of a downer. If you’re fun and chill to be around, then people are gonna want to hang out with you and invite you to things! Maybe even introduce you to *their* friends!

    This is what worked for me, but I will say that I’m still in college and that was a HUGE advantage for me, but I hope this still helps!

31. Sent you a pm

32. Everyone is offering “solutions” but no mechanism of acting on it. I recently made a Meetup account and downloaded the app as well. I was thoroughly surprised how active the site is. Search your favorite activities or hobbies and join the group. Account admins are always creating events. I’ve even “all ladies social networking” events geared to meet to new people in a non work related setting. Good luck!

33. If you can get a part time retail job for a little bit. Yeah it’ll suck for a bit you’ll probably meet from friends!

34. I have actually found a few friends on bumble. The app has a friends section. You can find people w similar interest as you.

35. Hey I’m your male counterpart and in the same situation. No advice but know you’re not alone

36. I’m 44 and my situation is not very different from yours. I have no friends and no family where I live, so much so that my emergency contact is my sister who lives in a different country! I’m ok with my choices though. I’m loner and an introvert, but if it bothers you then joining a hobby group can help, for example.

37. I wish I could give advice…in the same boat, 24F with a full time job and no energy left over at the end of the day. Even if I had friends I would be too tired to hang out lol. But I have made some friends online through Reddit and other platforms, so there’s that 😊

38. Girl I feel you I recently turned 23 and I feel so alone. You can message me if u want x