UPDATE – Letting her know I have kids after we set the date

[https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/yosaua/letting\_her\_know\_i\_have\_kids\_after\_we\_set\_the\_date/](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/yosaua/letting_her_know_i_have_kids_after_we_set_the_date/)

I had my 1st (and 2nd date, more on that in a bit) with the girl I met IRL. After reading some of the comments here from my first post, I was set on telling her on the 1st date.

On our first date, after I told her my age, she (mid 20s) told me that she was okay dating men that were older. She mentioned a couple of “deal breakers” and having kids were not one of them. She didn’t ask me for my dealbreakers or told me somethings about her that would possibly be a deal breaker for me. It was a super casual encounter and we were pretty much just chatting about our hobbies, passions, personality as we shot some pool.

At the end of the date, we kissed and went on our merry way without setting up the 2nd date. Next few days, I texted her to set up the 2nd date without actually expecting that she’d say yes. She actually was excited to meet with me again. And again, I set up the date, did NOT text her in between, and we were both there for our 2nd date.

At the beginning of our second date, we small talked but I seg-wayed into telling her I have kids. As a Redditor predicted here on my previous post, she had a sense that I was older, I would already have kids. She only asked me what my relationship was like with them.

We continued on with our date smoothly. Later, we proceeded to make out in a hotel lobby we came across. At the end of the night, she asked to meet me again at her place the following week. So I guess, contrary to what most of the commenters on my previous post thought, this has been a going well so far.

She didn’t demand that I should have told her that when I met her initially (people are smarter than they seem). She didn’t walk out on me saying, that I lied by omission. She didn’t feel betrayed or like I wasted her time. She didn’t seem phased at all by it.

My expectations are still super low. I still and will continue to expect her to flake out at any given moment, but as long as she is still coming for the dates, we’ll continue to have hang out and have fun.

My takeaway thus far is that the first date is a real casual, chill phase to get to know each other and not overthink things.

As a parent, think of the people that you meet (co-workers, gym buddies, people that you play sports with, class mates, and etc..) that don’t know you have kids until maybe a few weeks or months until you’ve met them.

I think viewing your first date with someone you’ve met IRL in this casual perspective is healthy. This is NOT the case for OLD. I’m also doing OLD and my profile says I have children. Not disclosing this in an OLD profile is a douche move and I am against it.

However, meeting people IRL, especially complete strangers, is a different ball game.

So if you do meet someone in real life like I did, don’t overthink things. Go out, have fun, get to know the person, see if they vibe with you too (you are the prize), and if it feels right to tell them on the 1st date, sure go for it. If not, on the 2nd date, do let them know but keep your expectation super low. Why the 2nd date? If you asked for the 2nd date, you’ve already decided that this person is worth seeing. If they agreed, they decided you’re worth seeing too, so let them know but don’t make it sound like it’s a negative aspect of your life.

TLDR: I (mid 30s, divorced with kids) met a woman (mid 20s, complete stranger) IRL. I told her I had kids at the beginning of our 2nd date. I didn’t feel I needed to tell her I had kids on the 1st date. She didn’t care and half expected it. 2nd date went really well, and we’ll be seeing each other for a 3rd one soon.