So, one of my girl best friends (20F) and I (20M) are both in college and have known each other for \~2 years but only became friends within the past year or so as we’re part of the same organization and see each other a lot more frequently now. We’ve best friends now (she said it first and I agreed) and have helped one another through a lot of different situations including mental health, school, work, etc so we’ve built up a lot of trust and comfort around one another. We have a teasing friendship where we constantly banter and make fun of one another and it works pretty well.
She has had a boyfriend for over 2 years and has told me she loves him and could see herself marrying him but since we’ve gotten closer has done a lot of questionable things that I would consider disrespectful or pushing boundaries if my girlfriend (I am single atm, but hypothetically) was doing. Honestly, I’m not too sure how I feel about her right now, but I know that I would never do anything to jeopardize her relationship, and am constantly doing my best to be respectful of those boundaries. That being said, I very much value our friendship and don’t want to lose that, but am not sure how to proceed or if I’m just reading into things too much because all of it is messing with my head. I’d just like to hear a 3rd opinion on it from someone who knows neither of us, so I can either A) understand I’m just overthinking or B) she likes me so I can begin to distance myself a bit more and better respect her relationship. So here’s a list of things that have stuck out to me as out of the ordinary for friends or just notable things I could think of.
1. I’ve talked to my ex about some of it, we were best friends before we ended up dating (we broke up about 5 months ago but not because anything happened, no one cheated or anything, it was a mutual breakup where we needed to focus on ourselves and our own mental health first). My ex said she thinks she likes me and is a little jealous of her. She’s never been overly sure of anything like this in the past nor jealous (outside of 1 instance which she admits was stupid in hindsight) so I think this is pretty notable.
2. She will constantly walk over to me and lean her head on my shoulder randomly for short intervals, think 3-5 seconds, and then move on. I kinda just ignore it now and it’s not really all that bad, I just think it’s disrespectful to her bf. At the end of the day, I am also not the one initiating it and I’ve seen her do it to some of her other close guy friends (2 or 3 I think). Oh, she does this publicly, think in front of 5-10 of our mutual friends.
3. She switches between being very hot and cold at times. She’ll sometimes go for days with either of these “phases”. Not sure what to make of this but here’s what hot and cold look like with her.
1. **Hot:** will respond immediately, double texts, randomly calls, asks to and plans hangouts, and engaging and interesting conversations.
2. **Cold:** will not respond even if I double text or will respond hours later (kinda just ghosts me), completely ignores me until she needs something (ex: hw answers, asking if we’re going to the same event), cold and honestly quite dry during these stints.
4. We were at a bar for an event (we are part of the same organization) and I was talking to 3 of my other friends, and she walks over hugged the other 3 (2 girls and 1 guy), and then walks over to me hugs me and then has her hand on my kneecap for a little bit.
5. \*\*\*Offering to get me food because I hadn’t eaten and was too busy to go do so.. (I’ve done it in the past for her, more just being nice than anything but just writing it down anyway).
6. Offering to clean my room because I was complaining about not doing it (also nice but not something I would want my hypothetical gf to be doing for another guy). I didn’t think anything would happen but I turned her down anyway because of the principle of it. I’m not gonna be that guy don’t worry.
7. Got guilt-tripped into helping her try and find her friends in a super crowded bar on a Friday night. It was her birthday can you blame me? So her drunk ass proceeded to grab my hand and dragged me through the bar with her, I tried to let go and continue following only for her to grab my hand again and continue to drag me along. During this, we walked past some of my friends and I had a brief conversation (think 1-2 min) with them but she walked off so my friends told me I should probably go after her to make sure she was okay (she was quite drunk, I had to walk her home after because her boyfriend was “being a bitch” her words not mine) but they thought we were dating or something which I cleared up to all of them that we were just friends.
8. I gave her my hoodie because it was cold, she was shivering and I genuinely was fine without it despite being a little cold. She held onto it for like 3 weeks but we’re both super busy with school I think we just both forgot about it (That’s what she claimed, I believed her and I genuinely did forget). She returned my hoodie after washing it, but sprayed perfume in my hoodie??? She also put enough where it took 2-3 washes for the smell to fade and eventually completely disappear. While she had it, I am unsure if she wore it or not but I never saw her wearing it out at all.
That’s about all I can think of off the top of my head while writing this post. So the question is – what do you think of this situation? Does she like me and I’m valid for thinking some of this stuff is strange while having a boyfriend? or Does she not like me and I am reading into things too much and just overthinking it?
Has anyone else experienced a similar thing? I know it’s difficult to give proper advice without knowing me or her at all, but I still hope I can get something helpful from this post!