After sex talk.

My husband (M33) and I (F29) have been together for nearly 5 years. We love each other implicitly, we are best friends and can’t imagine life without one another.

There’s just one thing that makes me feel a bit gross and that’s the after sex talk.

I’ve never really considered talking to him about it because it didn’t seem like that big of a deal, and just because it grosses me out, doesn’t mean it’s something that needs dealing with. Hence why I’m here to ask the opinion of Reddit.

We don’t have sex too often, maybe once or twice a week, and that’s fine for us and our busy lifestyles, we also find intimacy in other ways (cuddling, kissing etc). But when we do have sex (and particularly if he ‘finishes’) the first thing he says after is “I needed that”.

It just makes me feel used. Like it’s the kind of thing I’d assume a client would say to a sex worker.

We always have post-sex cuddles and chats and they’re amazing… but why do I have such a bad reaction to the “I needed that” comment? I want him to enjoy sex, I want it to feel good for him, and I’m glad he does enjoy it… but that comment just gives me major heebejeebies and I don’t know why?

What kind of things do you say to your partners directly after sex?

Should I say something to him, or just try and ignore it when he says it?

Tldr: husband says “I needed that” nearly every time directly after sex, and I don’t like it, should I say something?

8 comments

  1. Yeah I think you should tell him. Chances are he will also explain what he means by that or why he say that and either it will stop to bother you, or he will stop saying it.

    I think there are only positive in talking about that and the way you talk about your overall relationship, there is little chance that he actually think he is using you.

  2. Hm, I don’t see anything bad in that sentence, I guess he’s just happy and liked the experience. Just talk with him about it if this bothers you.

  3. I was in a relationship where my partner felt exactly the same. From my side, whilst not always the case, oftentimes I meant “needed that” from the perspective of bringing her and I closer together. Sadly, could never make her understand although think that’s the relationship’s fault and not anything inherent. Point is, definitely speak to him about it.

  4. I think there’s nothing wrong with his saying that, you shouldn’t feel upset, and you should talk to him so he could explain he could explain how he actually do enjoy it and it really is stated in his sentence “I needed that*.
    Update us with what happened please.

  6. He probably just feels great and is also feeling content and happy with you and your sex life. He’s letting you know how good it feels and his sense of satisfaction, and maybe a release of sexual tension.

    My wife and I have both said this to each other. Sometimes you just need some good sex to make you feel good and to feel connected to each other.

    I think you are probably reading too much into his comment. He’s letting you know he enjoyed the sex with you and that he feels better.

  7. Um you are 29 and you are asking if you should tell your husband about something you don’t like? Lol wtf. Let me answer this cause it is easy. Tell him already. To me though what he said isn’t that bad, I know I am not your husband but when I said that in the past, that means I really enjoyed it and want more lol

  8. Why the bad reaction?
    Maybe because you’re an American female and your brain is programmed to find fault with SO.
    If it wasn’t this issue it would be another glaring fault to pick at.
    Just reading between the lines, maybe he would benefit from more sex?

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