Tldr: i have more free time than my bf and he expects me to do ALL the house chores.
Bf and I (m) have been together for 4 years, living together for 2 years.
I’m on a one year training leave (from home, still getting a salary, but much smaller than when working), my bf is working long hours. Before my leave, I was working a 9-5 job, so I was doing most of the house chores.
Now that I have more free time and I stay at home, my bf expects me to do ALL the chores.
He is disappointed that I don’t want to cook meals for him, to have dinner when he comes home, and say it would be easier for him to lose weight if I did (he’s never really tried to lose weight, visited once a doctor special7in weight loss, but didn’t follow through, and he’s steadily gaining weight).
He expects me to tidy up his desk (like, even the coffee mugs he’s leaving on it, his papers, etc); to wash and fold and put away his clothes (which he leaves strewn around in big heaps) ;
I already do almost all the laundry, wash the bathroom, the kitchen, hoover, filling and emptying the dishwasher, take the garbage down, cleaning the fridge… While he’s very messy, almost never putting away the dishes he’s used, not cleaning the table after eating, leaving heaps of dirty clothes all around the flat, etc.
I draw the line at putting his clothes away and tidying his desk (he’s the only one to use it, it’s often extremly messy and dirty) and besides, I don’t know how I’m supposed to sort his personal papers and stuff).
I’m not on holiday, I have to study everyday (IT and German language). It’s sometimes hard to keep the motivation to study, doing it alone, online, from home; and this year long training is a big financial investment (paying for the training and having a reduced salary). I admit I have much more free time than he does, but I don’t think it’s a reason to do almost EVERYTHING.
What do you think?
6 comments
I think he’s taking the piss.
Your boyfriend is selfish. Even when you were working full time you were still doing most of the chores. Why?
If you pay 50% of the bills, you do 50% of the chores. You’re not his maid and it’s pretty sexist that he expects you to be.
You may have more free time but you aren’t his personal bangmaid. Don’t let yourself be treated like that, or allow yourself to slip into that role. Have a serious talk with him about him needing to pick up the slack: you aren’t his mother, nor his maid. The only people not expected to do chores like a healthy adult are the disabled, the elderly, the guests, or the young children — and as long as he’s neither of those, guess what: he can and should clean up the place he lives in! No ifs, ands or buts. If he wants a 1950s housewife, that’s not you.
>and say it would be easier for him to lose weight if I [cook meals for him] (he’s never really tried to lose weight, visited once a doctor special7in weight loss, but didn’t follow through, and he’s steadily gaining weight)
You know that’s just a lie he tells both you and himself, right?
My husband works full time and still does 50%. He did this before we had kids while i was in school and worked part time.
Your boyfriend is treating you like his maid.
If you pay 50% of everything then he should do 50% of the chores as well. If you don’t pay and he is, then yeah you should prolly do all that for him.
I had a gf that didn’t cook or clean, she just cooked for us whenever she was hungry. I paid everything, sometimes she would pay the bill at a restaurant when we went out. She had a job but only made a little over minimum wage and I made 6 figures so she said that I should be paying the bills and that if she wasn’t there I’d be paying everything myself anyways.
If she actually paid even a quarter of the rent I wouldn’t be tripping about it so hard but she refused to so I’d get pissed that she didn’t make food or clean once I got off work.
Brought nothing to the table, lowkey useless.
Don’t be that person, either you pay 50/50 and share chores or don’t pay anything but cook and clean even if you work full time. That’s only fair
I would LOVE to just cook and clean with a full time job if it meant not having to pay bills and I can just send my earnings straight to my savings
You keep posting this