I (18F) had my first time a few weeks ago and I kept wondering why the guy I had sex with barely ever touched me. I know porn isn’t a real representation and anyway I rarely watch some, so I don’t really know what sex should be like. I came to his house, we got undressed and he asked me to give him a bj and I did it (it was a horrible one, I felt so sorry) and then he fingered me and penetrated me. He grabbed one of my boobs once and strangled me a bit. When he was done, he told me to go home. So I was wondering, does it mean that he thinks I was ugly or something? Or is it because I didn’t satisfied him with the bj I have him? I’ve become quite self conscious since then.
Also, is sex always this boring? He claimed he had experience and that he was good but beside pain, I didn’t feel anything. Or is it because I should’ve done more myself?
In case you were wondering why I had my first with a stranger instead of a boyfriend is because I never had a boyfriend and I was afraid I would still be a virgin at 40.
30 comments
F33 here.
I’m so sorry, that sounds like a horrible first time. It’s not your fault, this guy sucks.
When you find someone who cares about you, and takes the time you make you feel good, sex can be way more fun. This guy sounds like he’s terrible in bed and selfish. Did he ask what you wanted, or ask if X or Y felt good, or check in when you looked to be in pain?
Can you orgasm alone? That is the first step to enjoying sex with someone else. Know what turns you on and how you like to be touched so you can communicate it to the other person.
Well you had the worst first time possible, clearly he just wanted to empty his balls and didn’t care about what you were feeling (he could at least return the favor since you gave him a bj and it was your first time). I’m sorry that was your first experience, dont feel self conscious it just wasn’t the right person for the job and the bj being horrible is just lack of experience dont stress on it. Just the fact he “sent you home” after like that says alot about him. Hope you find someone who can show you how good sex feels like 🙂
Maybe it’s an unpopular opinion, but I don’t see why first time sex should ever involve choking. There will plenty of time for that and more later on. Sex involves attention and connectivity, it is an intimate act. Please do not second guess your performance or your value based on this experience. This guys sounds like an asshat
I think this says more about him than you. Sorry your first experience sucked. He sounds like he’s just a horrible partner and didn’t care about you or your pleasure.
That sounds like a shit first time experience. Sorry you had to go through that.
I guess that guy had even less of a clue than you did. Probably tried to do some things he saw in a porn.
In my mind the whole point of sex is to touch the other person. So, to answer your question directly, it means that guy has no idea what he is doing or even wants. No matter what he says.
I would advise not to have sex with people you aren’t excited about or at least feel safe with in the future.
I’m sure you will find lots of people that are much more fun than that. So don’t beat yourself up for having had this learning experience.
Just relax and next time remember that if you aren’t enjoying something you can stop at any time. There will be plenty more chances to explore your sexuality.
[deleted]
He used your body to get off then told you to get lost. He didn’t touch you because he didn’t think of it like having sex with another person. He viewed you as an object for his pleasure. I’m so sorry, you don’t deserve to be with shitheads like that. But please know there are better men out there who will treat you with respect and love.
18 is your entire life and a bit away from 40. You had plenty of time, no need to rush things. No offense but you created the shitiest situation to experience sex for the first time. He was looking for a quick fuck and you were probably looking for a boyfriend experience.
Try it again, but this time with somebody you feel connected with. You’ll see the experience will be completely different.
So no, sex shouldn’t always be like this.
Don’t worry 😉 there are better guys out there I thought the same thing. And swore of men for a decade because they sucked. Took me till 33 to find a guy I actually find decent in bed and actually makes it fun. He isn’t too selfish either.
Sounds like you have met a guy who has no concept of how to please someone. I wouldn’t feel self conscious over it, these things happen. There are a ton of guys out there who claim to have experience and just suck at it. It’s them, not you.
Sex will be great with the right person. You had a creep so put it behind you and move on.
I promise there are way better guys! My current husband has done things for me and my body that I didn’t know possible because th men before used me as an object. Even when we started dating (granted 20yrs of friendship helped) he was taking care of me in every form. We’ve explored and so forth growing our sexual experiences.
I’m sorry that all that happened to you because it does take a hit to that esteem, but if you didn’t get off don’t sweat it because he obviously doesn’t know how to pleasure a woman. It’s not you it’s him.
he learned how to have sex from porn. I’m surprised he didn’t spit in your mouth and and try an anal piledriver too. He’s just as confused as you are (probably more so)
Some guys aren’t touchey feely
That being said he should have discussed doing these things beforehand to get your consent
In my experience, you can tell when a man watches too much porn, because he acts like that in bed. You will find someone you’re more physically compatible with. Sex should be fun and feel good for both people. Have sex with someone who cares about your pleasure. I used to think good sex wasn’t a thing until I met my current boyfriend. Don’t place your self worth on this sexual experience. How he acts has nothing to do with how you look/your abilities.
You were used for him to get off. He didn’t care about you one bit.
Sex is a completely different experience with someone who loves you, when someone cares about your pleasure, when someone craves your physical being. A stranger is going to treat you poorly compared to someone that loves and respects you.
I spent 17 years with someone that rarely ever touched me in an affectionate way. He was my first and that’s how I thought it was supposed to be. Now, I’m with someone that can’t keep his hands off me. Touches me unprompted, just while watching a movie or cooking dinner (not just sexual touches either). Hugs, kisses, hand holding, laying on each other. Touches me everywhere during foreplay and sex. And I do the same. He respects me, I respect him. We love each other and want to pleasure each other.
You are 18, you’re still very young. Don’t settle or shitty sex like I did.
Yeah, this dude sounds like he’s really selfish when it comes to sex. He used you like a flesh light. Don’t waste any more time with him. Find someone that is passionate about you and you them. Sex is amazing with the right person.
I just want you to be clear… all casual sex is not like this either…. shame on him for acting this way.
He just wanted to get off and he utilized your body to do so.
I had a guy do the same to me.
That said, when you’re ready for sex again, tell him* what you’re into. Tell him you want foreplay and if he doesn’t get you adequately warmed up, get your panties and leave.
If he doesn’t reciprocate oral and you want him to, get your panties and leave.
If he doesn’t touch you anywhere to make you feel good while he’s penetrating you, get your panties and leave.
If he even REMOTELY starts doing something you’ve said no to, get your… Well you get the drift.
Do NOT be afraid to get up, get your shit, and go. Life is too short to let someone’s ugly ass son use you as a fuckdoll.
*Him being a new guy. Do NOT go back and have sex with the guy from your post. Block him.
Sounds like this dude used you as a flesh light. Find someone you have feelings for next time, it’ll probably be a better experience.
Nah. Hes just bad at it. Also you shouldnt be getting strangled unless you ask for it.
U had a bad sex experience
Sounds like he wanted you for sex and he likes being the first. He doesn’t care for you
I don’t know why, just seems overall no chemistry to me. My first time was the same as well even though I thought we had something. He took my virginity and didn’t even finish. Even though I was a Virgin then I have always love to masturbate and consider myself super easy to be horny. I don’t like how he choke you though, he should have been gentle and talk you through it if he knows its your first time. Also— he told you to go home right after? That doesn’t sit right with me. That’s kinda show how much of a duche he is.
Don’t have sex with people who don’t even like you.
Sounds like the focus was on him and not you, you deserve to enjoys yourself as well and shouldn’t settle for less. Find someone willing to take the time to get you off!!
The good news is, you have already started up building the pattern framework to identify the type of person you DON’T want to have sex with.
It’s important to care for yourself, and to do that, you should seek people in your life that make you feel good. Look deeper than the sex you had with this person, look at any other contextual clues to their behavior. Note them.
This is statistically not the last time you are going to have bad sex with a person, and that’s ok, but make sure you look at peoples behavior before, during and after, and in your mind mark the patterns and similarities you see. This will allow you to have less of these events if you can find the underlying patterns of selfishness and bad partners.
Also, advocate for yourself and your own pleasure. Even with people that aren’t as horrible as the one you wrote about. Learn, on your own terms by yourself, what gets you going, what brings you to climax, what types of things you would like to do, and what things you definitely don’t want to do, and then YOU need to advocate for self during some intimate moments with someone. You need to use your voice, and sometimes your feet (to wake the F out) to in-the-moment, let your partner know what to do and for sure, what NOT to do.
Do not tolerate behavior or forced acts that you are not comfortable with. If you are unsure, PAUSE, and TALK about it immediately. If your partner doesn’t respect that, they have told you everything you need to know about who they are and use your feet to get out. Respect yourself in all situations. You deserve happiness, and you are the steward of that journey. Look out for yourself! Good luck on your next intimate moment, you got this!
First times are usually not good lol and boring unfortunately. If you also like women I totally recommend having sex with them a few times. I just found it to be so much more fulfilling.
Young lady a stranger, just wants one thing. A friend, someone you know, is going try to make it enjoyable. If not they don’t know what they are doing. Porn isn’t generally love making, that something for wild parties.
Find a man or lady you can trust, and who would be passionate, one that makes love to your whole body, mind and soul.
damn im sorry your first time went so badly
i recommend having a first with someone you care about rather than a rando