About 4 months ago, I (21 F) met this guy in person who seemed so mature for his age (he’s 20) in person and we hit it off as good friends. He was definitely flirting with me throughout texts and interactions. We texted every so often and met up to study, get coffee, hang out at my house etc. We never did anything romantic necessarily but towards the end did end up having sex and we had both agreed it was nothing serious. I was absolutely okay with it and also told him to tell me if he’s not interested in me anymore. He agreed, he knew how much I was afraid of being ghosted and we always had deep, intellectual conversations. He was super into meditation, reading self-help books and working out and we had a lot in common. Starting about 3 weeks ago, he fell off the face of the earth and I didn’t think much of it. but as time started to pass, I kept getting insecure and worried. Last Friday, I decided to text him and I basically just told him i don’t have any expectations from you at all but i hope you’re doing well. maybe you’re busy or have other issues but please out of courtesy let me know if you don’t want to talk. Its only been a few days but I know he’s always on his phone. Today, I decided to call him out of impulse because it was driving me crazy and I left a voicemail saying that I think what you did is so disrespectful and that you can’t pretend to work on yourself if you can’t be honest. of course i would understand if he was going through anything, but at this point i know its done with. i’m so embarrassed about calling him but i had to get it off my chest. I’m just so hurt, mainly because of his good acting skills and him stringing me along and initiating this whole situation. I’ve also worked so hard on my mental health and bettering myself that I’m embarrassed that I’ve cried and made a fool of myself. Any advice?
5 comments
You both are really young and this unfortunately happens a lot at this stage of your life. I’m in my early 30s but thinking back to those days, I can say my friends and I had very similar experiences. We’d meet a cool girl, end up sleeping w her, and then afterwards would feel like we wanted nothing to do w them. Time shows you that at that age you’re incredibly afraid of commitment which largely translates to sleeping w someone and then ‘ghosting’ them. I’d suggest the following:
1) don’t contact him anymore, the more you chase him, the more he’ll feel chased away.
2) ofc sex is great, but be very very very wary of who you sleep w at this stage in your life. Most men in their 20s will want to sleep around and some may even be scumbags and play a role to make you believe that sleeping w them is safe. Women are a gift to men, be very careful who you give yourself to.
I’m not sure if this is what you were looking for, but I wish you the best of luck!
Time heals all wounds. You are going to go through all the stages of grief but you will eventually get over him. Just breath and find as many distractions as possible.
my advice would be to not reach out after they ghost you, accept that they’re not interested anymore and try your best to move on. A tip that works for me when you’re looking for a meaningful relationship is to wait at least 2 months. If he can’t seem to wait that long then there’s your answer about how he was only trying to fuck. Honestly most men couldn’t even wait 1 month before they would reveal their true intentions about you. (btw I don’t mind or shame sleeping for fun, you don’t HAVE to wait if you don’t want to)
Don’t reach out to a ghost, they are invisible. The only way is if the ghost manifests to you. That’s my little analogy on it
Girl I feel so sorry for you because I completely am and have been in the same boat as you. Just know that you are not alone. The guys seems like such a fake asshole, being all about being a decent human and then doing this. I had the same situation with a guy I had a thing with for 2 weeks. He was acting like all lovey doves whatever before we had sex and after it was like he was a competely different person. I think guys just see you in a different light then. After having sex 2 times he ghosted me and after confronting him in public because he ignored my texts he told me he doesn’t want to see me anymore. I also had sex with another guy a couple days ago, he was super nice and told me he wanted to see me again. Now he ghosted me and I also feel absolutely bad.
These types of situation fuck up your self esteem and mental Health so much that I really realized that you have to be careful you give your body and energy to because ultimately this gives the guy power and if they let you fall you can’t handle it. Stay strong I got you