I’m dealing with normal life stress, work etc, but I find myself confronted with the occasional extreme asshole – ie, someone in a big truck driving dangerously/intentionally trying to hit/get hit by me in a parking lot, Or people at work who make up massive lies about myself and my team to shift blame on their poor performance, and I have a very hard time calming down and letting go.
I know internally that there’s often no “winning” these interactions and dwelling on them is meaningless, and that the crappy life created by being an asshole is usually it’s own punishment, but I get to the point where I fixate on these issues and even get light-headed/feel disassociative from my emotions. I’ve never felt anger or rage to this point of negativity or self-impact.
How do y’all deal with these things? Have you found anything other than time and distraction?
19 comments
I don’t. It deals with me and then I deal with the consequences. Don’t be me.
anger is a secondary emotion.
first you feel embarrassed, afraid, humiliated, startled, disrespected, etc.
second, you feel anger as a reaction/protection for the first emotion.
so to deal with anger you need to recognize and deal with the primary emotion.
To stay calm in the moment I use breathing exercises (which you need to train in situations you do not need them to be viable when you do).
However, the emotion itself still needs to be addressed, and I do that though various outlets (the main three being painting, writing, and sports).
Mindfulness shit. You can learn to really hone in and feel how the anger is appearing physically in your body (tension and shit) and you can essentially step back and watch those thoughts in your head objectively. When you really focus all of your attention on something negative, and you do so objectively with no positive or negative thinking about it, it dissipates.
It takes practice, but it’s pretty reliable once you’re good at it. If anyone wants suggestions and shit, pm me and I can find some links and resources that have helped me.
/E I can’t find it now, but I always remember this Zen story of some monk trial, where he stays on the top of a mountain in the ice and snow, and has to ‘cleanse’ himself outside with ice water daily. It was extremely painful when he was running from the discomfort, but when he learned to focus his entire attention of the sensation as being just another thought in his head, like any other, objectively neither positive or negative, the pain dissipated. Probably butchered that, but it’s a great example if anyone can find it.
For starters, I had to learn how to avoid anger. You can’t control people, places and things.
I usually take a breath and remind myself that it’s pointless to be angry in certain situations, its not like I can control another persons actions. I try to focus on literally anything else and with some slow breathing it usually calms me down. Then I’ll usually direct that somewhere like playing guitar or something
I have a very strict set of rules for this shit.
Don’t let something that ultimately doesn’t affect you ruin yoy life, or day.
If it does affect yoy (like at work) go to a mediator and make it known problems arise BEFORE an incident blows out.
If an incident blows out I go ape shit and beat their fucking ass. Yoy were given options and I have records of grievances.
If it turns to weaponry being used, I’m the one living after the incident.
Continue on about my life, with or without them.
Angry got tiring. It never felt like it helped anything, and often made things worse. So I replaced angry with understanding and disappointment. It’s often understanding to not understand, but it’s been effective for my own well being. This also helped me let go of expectations of almost everything. Which has been refreshing in ways. Numbing in others.
I love music and singing along to it so when im feeling angry i take my dog out for a walk and start singing my heart out in the middle of the field.
I used to get angry at these types of things too. Now I just try to have understanding. The people that drive that way are usually much angrier and impatient than me. They must be having a miserable life to always be that way.
I just bottle up usually. I hold on to grudges a lot.
I sometimes confide in people, but usually I just get more annoyed going through the issues that anger me.
Therefore, I tend to be self destructive in my anger. Hasn’t hurt anyone else, so I don’t see the problem.
Rage masturbation – wank until you can’t cum anymore and are completely exhausted.
P.S. Have a lotion ready since your D is going to be sore with skin burns.
I fantasize with violently murdering them, then I remember jail exists and the idea eventually goes away
Depends what type of anger I feel. If someone is food shopping and cuts in the line, I want to rip their head off and stomp on it. If my girlfriend shouts at me, I want to cry. So many different ways to deal with it
Bottle it and wait until I’m alone to punch the wall
I channel it into doing something productive these days, mostly in an effort to better myself
Take a deep breath, think of that person screaming in pain and bleeding while being ripped to shreds. Breathe out and see the person still there alive and well.
I encourage you to pick up a martial art, I find that it helps give anger direction. Maybe something a little risky, like Skateboarding. Don’t hold things in, speak your mind but also know there’s a time and place and to choose your words wisely, there’s no need to win in an interaction, just simply have your piece be said.
I vent about it, either to myself, my best friend, or my therapist.