What was something you had to unlearn from past relationships?

10 comments

1. Initiating physical contact. My previous partner had a strict no-touching rule, and now I struggle to initiate physical contact.

2. Physical touch, open communication, that just because he’s busy it doesn’t mean I’m getting the silent treatment for something I wasn’t aware of, trust, the fact that I can have interests and talk about them and expect not to be ridiculed, to express what I like in the bedroom and not worry that it will be seen as a slight against the other person’s sexual prowess. I could go on and on

3. I had to learn to be as authentic to myself as possible. If I start finding myself pressured to be a different way than my happiest and best self, then it’s just not going to work out.

   For example, I had a boyfriend who would get embarrassed and ask me to stop when I would do silly dances at parties and clubs, where dance music was playing, and where we were either with good friends or strangers… Fuck that! Big ass red flag right there. My current partners join in my silly dances and love it about me!

4. With the girl I was in a situationship with I would have to catch an attitude or get snappy with her just for her to give me attention so I thought that was normal. Current girlfriend immediately shut that down when I tried the same thing on her. So learning to ask for attention and reassurance was and still is hard. I can’t help but feel weak and pathetic when I do it.

5. The sense that having needs, and expressing those needs, makes me unloveably needy.

6. being called fat and him saying it’s a joke, isn’t okay and its emotional abuse. even if he says he is joking

7. That I “couldn’t say no”. I CAN SAY NO. I CAN decline sexual advances from my partner. I DON’T owe him anything.

   I still get triggered sometimes, even though my current bf is 100% supportive and has told me often that I can say no anytime im not in the mood (he never pushes and he never gets upset when i say no), I still feel the overwhelming pressure of needing to “fulfill his needs”.

   My ex fucked me up a lot when it comes to consent.

8. Love and sex, just coz they say they love you doesn’t mean they do. My husband always says he loves me and means it… Also the moment I feel uncomfortable so does he, I feel bad coz he shuts down thinking it’s him but it’s me shutting down. Wish I met him first not last but I guess those who are last are always there first.

9. Giving in to things I wasn’t okay with.

10. “True love does not cause pain; rather, it heals.”