I’m a 22m and my girlfriend is a 24f and we’ve been dating for 3 months now. We go to the same college. We hang out when we can, very often during the week. We go hiking together, out for drinks together, walks with her dog, etc. Tonight she wanted to come over to watch a movie and cuddle. I said that is a great idea, I just am going out with friends after if that’s ok and she said it was. Well she just left and on her way out she said “I can’t believe you’d rather go to a party than be with me”. WHAT? Am I not allowed to hang out with friends? I literally told her that was the plan before and she said it was fine. She also has a pattern of hiding shit, acting moody, and then unloading it on me days later. Wtf do I do. I’m seeing red typing this. The times we all spent together meant the world to me and now her telling me essentially that it “isn’t good enough” hurts beyond words
11 comments
Your gf is clingy af and expects you to drop everything for her. You see her superrr often and she got mad you had the nerve to go hang out with friends lol. Not a good sign especially 3 months in. You should absolutely be seeing red. She’s trying to mess with your head by guilting you for deciding to hang out with friends. It’s *healthy* you make times to see your friends. She seems to expect you to revolve your world around her. Which is very toxic and problematic.
You two are overdue for a discussion on her behavior on this and if she still thinks she did nothing wrong, i don’t think she’s going to own up to her actions and acknowledge she has issues.
She sounds a bit needy. Communication goes a long way in a relationship, so I’d talk to her if I were you. If she keeps chapping your ass, move on. Aggravation isn’t good for anyone.
I agree with your girlfriend. A date should include the full evening. If you want to hang out with your friends, it’s on you to figure out how not to exclude her. A relationship can even restructure your friend group and prioritize hanging out with other young couples rather than *third wheels*. This goes with the territory.
RED FLAG
She wants to hang out with you and is butthurt you are going out. Sounds like she wants to spend the night in and spend time with you even though you already told her.
Please do not wait for her to go off on you about this, especially if this is becoming a pattern.
Sit your girlfriend down and tell her you need to talk. Share your thoughts about these behaviors and ask her if you need to be concerned moving forward. Question whether or not this is a red flag.
Do not allow her to gaslight you. Also, do not allow her to exert this manner of control over you/the relationship. Remind her that (1) you are not a mind reader (2) you intend to maintain your relationships outside of her.
Leave her
Some girls get jealous when a guy goes out partying they seem to think it’s a bad thing and want you to change
She thought you would change your mind, and want to spend the night with her. She’s young, and is struggling with effective communication.
Knowing she struggles with communication is it worth it trying to work things out? Things aren’t going to change unless she wants to change them. You can try to prove you’re trustworthy, and won’t hurt her, but she has to take the leap.
Kick her to the curb.
This is shit communication. This passive aggressive stuff is the worst thing for a relationship, it builds resentment and fosters grudges. You need to set a boundary with her that you need communication to be direct and at appropriate times. (ie not when she’s about to leave) If she can’t stick to that you’re best off to leave.