Don’t get me wrong – I’m okay. I can take it, and I know most of them would stop if I told them it was upsetting me. I’m more looking for an answer to what in my personality makes this happen instead of support.
It’s actually kind of wild how in every single friend group I’m in (with men), I’m the punching bag. I’m in a lot of friend groups – I’m still friends with people in high school and college, and I’m into a lot of hobbies with various circles. These people don’t interact with each other and they’re all very different people, but that’s the one thing they have in common – tearing into me.
It’s just constant teasing, “of course YOU would do that” when I make a mistake, lying to me/gaslighting about things I said or did, I’ll be sitting there not saying a word, just listening to the conversation, and my name will come up like “sounds stupid like something SHE would do.” I love playing video games, but when I play with my friends they will team up together against me, even if we’re on the same team. As soon as we enter a game “so we’re griefing her right?””yep”
About the men thing – I’m in all women friend groups too, and it isn’t like this. In the friend groups with men, the women are usually half and half on it. The half that doesn’t participate have usually messaged me asking if I was okay which I always thought was really sweet.
Also, I know men “bully” their friends a lot and it’s just part of their friendship – but they will bond together like never before if it’s to attack me. I have literally never seen them bully each other, because if I’m there, I’m the target. Even my own boyfriend, who’s so sweet to me one on one, when he gets with other men, he’s ruthless. And the guys just cheer him on.
Like I said, I’m okay! 99% of the time I think it’s hilarious!
If I had to guess, maybe low self-esteem? I do think I come across as really timid, and one of my close guy friends told me once that my lack of confidence was revolting lol. I think maybe that, combined with how I take it. One being that I take it well, just laugh it off, or when I do react, it’s in a comical way and they think it’s funny. I’m not super witty and I don’t really like being mean to people even as a joke, so I mostly just take it and laugh at myself or scream at them or fake cry or something for laughs. But I think that’s the male friendship territory – what’s strange to me is how BRUTAL it is on me in particular.
I think another part of it is that I’m a woman – I don’t mean they’re being sexist, but I consider myself very feminine, I love “girly” and “basic” things like astrology and crystals and Starbucks pumpkin spice lattes and I love talking with other women about these things. But then when I occupy these mostly male dominated spaces, I probably stand out, and I represent this characature of “basic white girl” – which I fully admit I feed into. I’m not good at witty comebacks, but I’m good at doubling down and annoying the sh*t out of them. I’ll tell them “that’s such an Aries thing to say” and it puts them in a fury lol. One of my guy friends I actually made so mad that he told me that I was making him “actually physically angry” and he had to leave and go work out. This is a super sweet guy and when we’re one on one, we’re always having deep talks and he became really close with my boyfriend as well, but when he’s with the guys, you’d think he hated my guts.
Sexist jokes – I really don’t like them. The guys I’ve known for years and know for a fact what their beliefs are I’m fine with, but it’s a red flag for me when guys I don’t know we’ll try and come at me like that. There’s only been one like that thank god (besides total strangers online of course lol)
I just don’t know if there’s something I can do to give me more respect? I’m way looked down upon. Even just today, my friend was sending me a friend code and he typed it wrong. I tried it twice and it didn’t work so I said “you typed it wrong” and he was just on me that no, he didn’t, I just typed it in wrong twice, and I was stupid so that’s something I would do, and when I’d raise my voice getting frustrated, he just laughs and mocks my voice. He says I sound like toad from Mario lol.
4 comments
Start throwing stereotypical dude jokes at them
I don’t mean to come off as condescending it’s not my intent. It sounds like your denying that they’re sexist towards u. An answer to what in ur personality makes this happen could be that u introduce the wrong things to the male group like how u love “girly””basic” things like astrology and starbucks and when u double down, u feed into their depicted personality of u.And that’s how some groups will be like. I’m assuming it’d be similar with female groups but with male friend groups they’ll mess around with dark humour a lot which includes many remarks like sexism, racist, toxic, masculinity. Anyways much of the human race suffers from main character syndrome, where they believe they are the main story in the world it’s like you’ve moved to a new area, for u it is new. These people have been building friendships for years before u came along, u are just a new character in their story. Whether u choose to stay with these ppl, u won’t see them again and their opinions don’t really matter, and every new one u meet is also starting off new with u and a constant new chance without any knowledge or preconceived ideas about u
Make small dick jokes, jokes about receding hairlines, and the growing paunch in their stomach. Guys hate that shit. They keep being sexist and then say “iT wAs JuSt A jOkE”. Make all sorts of stereotypical dude jokes and then say “it was just a joke.” See how they like it.
You probably come off as the nice, sweet, soft girl. I’ve had lots of white guys come at me because they have this idea that Asian women are “submissive”. I make it known that I’m polite and sweet. But if men come at me like that, I will put them in their place.
They probably just like you and show it by trolling you. That is **the answer**