I’ve been with my fiancée for a total of 6 years and throughout our relationship his youngest and only sister has made my visitations with his family awkward, non enjoyable and overall annoying.
She plays stupid like I’m not relevant, my fiancé and I will visit their moms house (where she still lives) and she won’t say hello and then act like she didn’t see me there. I invited his family out to my birthday dinner and she was the only one that dipped out last minute. Same happened when we invited their family to a BBQ my family was having and everyone came but her. When we visit and I try talking to her she gets up and walks away, and the list just continues on. I go out of my way to message her on social media on milestones (graduation/birthday etc) and she’ll leave me on read and not respond. I’ve invited her to do “sister like things” and she’ll always turn it down. I’ve tried everything. Her and I are 6 years apart in age and she’s the only daughter, while
I have 3 sisters so I know what it’s like to be a sister and to have them. I just hate this is how things are when we get together and it lessens my time with my BIL and MIL because they’re trying to accommodate her when I’m around. I’m a very family oriented person and that’s a big reason my fiancé wanted to get married but with this situation I don’t really know how to function through it. Ugh. Do things like this ever get better? Should I stay away to stop letting this get to me? Any advice
EDIT- I say jealous because my fiancé says she is by her behavior.
37 comments
She doesn’t want to spend time with you. Just respect her wishes and leave her alone.
For whatever reason she doesn’t like you, but nothing here reads as jealousy. Either way all you can do is just leave her alone.
>it lessens my time with my BIL and MIL because they’re trying to accommodate her when I’m around
What kind of accommodations are you meaning?
We can’t all like each other. She’s made it pretty clear that you aren’t someone she wants to hang out with, so it’s probably time to back off and just pretend she’s another chair in the house, just like she treats you. Your efforts are starting to make you sound more desperate than friendly. I’m not getting your viewpoint that she is jealous of you; if anything it’s reading the other way around.
My sister treated my wife this way. Im pretty sure I haven’t had an actual real conversation with my sister in the 35 years since. It’s no great loss.
It’s really weird that you’ve attributed her behavior to being ‘so jealous of you its disturbing.’ I’m thinking that you being the kind of person who has convinced herself that this is the truth is why she doesn’t like being around you. Sounds like there’s a high likelihood that you’re insufferable.
You need to let this go. You are giving her every tool she wants and needs to enable her to be horrible to you. WHY?
Stop inviting her to anything. Or, invite her and just assume she won’t come. And what the heck do you care? Stop attempting to talk to her at family events. Treat her like she is a fake ficus tree in the corner. Seriously. You are doing this to yourself. Freaking ignore her completely and just enjoy family stuff. So, she’s an a-hole. So what??? Just let this go, OP.
None of her behavior suggests jealousy to me. For whatever reason, she doesn’t like you and doesn’t want to be close to you. Need to accept it and live your life. She’s not required to like you.
Just wait until you do not have her in the wedding party!! Tell Fiancé now that he better be prepared to stop any shit when she complains!!
Bride selects people who love and support her, not a little bratty b*tch!!
Give her what she wants. Stop reaching out and stop trying to initiate conversations with her. If she skips out on family events don’t ask about it and your husband and his family won’t feel the need to make excuses.
She has proven that she doesn’t wanna be around you, so OP you have to respect that.
My issue is that the family knows. They see and still can’t say anything about it. It’s not even your thing to handle, it’s theirs and mostly your husband.
Next time you are gonna invite them, don’t ask for her. Show her that Fine you don’t want me around or in your face, you don’t need an invite. When you and hubby are there to visit just say HI and ignore her. Give her a cold shoulder but with respect. If and when she confronts it, there you can have a talk. And even point out to the rest that if they gonna back her up why didn’t anyone say anything when SHE did the same before.
As soon as OP leaves SIL alone, SIL will bitch why doesnt OP like me, OP isnt nice etc.
Why do you think she’s jealous of you? Can’t deal with the fact that she just doesn’t like you?
This isn’t jealousy.
She doesn’t like you.
Take the hint.
Your fiancé is wrong.
She’s not jealous, she’s telling you to leave her alone.
Op, just stop. We don’t have to like everyone our siblings date/marry.
Just ignore her and treat her like the 14 year old girl she is actually acting like.
She was the princess of the house and the youngest? She got all the attention and now she sees you as competition
Immature
Sounds like she just doesn’t like you
Just stop trying so hard.
She doesn’t go to your events? Great, you don’t have to put up with her.
Stop messaging her. If it’s her birthday, tell your husband to say you send your best.
Stop inviting her to “sister like things.” She doesn’t want to and she is NOT your sister.
Maybe she doesn’t want to do things with you because that’s how she is. There’s NOTHING here showing she is jealous. Maybe she just doesn’t want to and the fact that you push so much makes it worse.
Leave her alone. Everyone doesn’t have to like you.
Wait how old is she? 11? Cuz she acts like a child.
What ever her problem is…
If it ain’t directed it sure tf ain’t respected.
Let her throw her fit or whatever. Be unbothered! You seem very sweeeeet. But just act like she’s not there. You’re trying. She’s not. Live for you. Don’t invite her to anything anymore.
Stop engaging her, stop trying to be her sister or friend. She doesn’t want that.
I would be polite/cordial and still invite her to things, but stop pushing for her attention.
Do not make her a part of your wedding party in any fashion.
My brother had a gf for many years who was shit. She was controlling, manipulative, a liar. She was the perfect charismatic person if she thought you were good, and cold and detached if she thought you were lesser than her.
She was super friendly with my parents, who had money, with my older brother, who earned well and with my cousins who also earned well. At the time my then gf and I were teachers so we didn’t earn much so she was extremely cold to us with no reason. We wanted to have a good relationship with her because my brother and I lived together and she wanted to live with us, so we needed to have a good relationship. We tried spending time with her and she was always standoffish and the last time we tried anything with her, we invited my brother and her to eat sushi and she invited a friend of hers last minute and spent the whole time talking to her and ignoring us.
We later told my brother that what she did was very disrespectful and we just stopped trying to befriend her. We were cordial if she reciprocated but besides this, she became just an acquaintance.
I’m saying all this just to say that your SIL is treating you badly for some reason and you are wasting your efforts trying to approach her. Don’t. Ignore her existence. Don’t invite her to anything. If your fiancé wants, he can invite her and spend time with her, but make it clear to him you won’t spend 1-1 time with her and you don’t want to be left alone while people interact with her (in order to avoid your husband inviting her and spending his time talking to her while you are left alone).
So what? She’s a fun ruiner. Don’t let her ruin you.
Enjoy sisterly time with your own sisters and stop wasting energy on FSIL.
You sound annoying
A lot of people are just saying she doesn’t like you, which could be it. But if there hasn’t been any issues, between her or major ones between your hubby and the rest of the family, I am leaning towards agreeing with your husband in a way. Especially since she’s the only sister, and the youngest (like someone else said, it sounds like she’s always doted on,) so she’s not accepting of another female as easily.
It’s incredibly immature (ie your game night vs movie night example,) but I also agree with what others have said – let her be. Let her sit in her room and not join in on the spoiling of the brat.
Just leave her alone lol. Ignore her.
I can’t tell whether she’s a sulky teen or just dislikes you, but either way the problem is solved by stop trying to force her to be a sister to you. You are bugging her and giving her opportunities to act out. Let your fiancée send cards and birthday/holiday messages from both of you.
Stop trying.
She is one of those entitled brats whose family has allowed her to say and do whatever she wants. They cater to her to avoid her meltdowns. She sees you as competition for her brother’s and her moms attention.
So stop. Don’t acknowledge her on her life events, stop inviting her, stop trying to talk to her. Give it right back.
If your Mil gets upset you don’t invite her, tell her that you are not inviting anyone who refuse to acknowledge you as a person, that she never shows up and wants nothing to do with you. That no one cares when your feelings are hurt, and your sick of being the bigger person. You are treating her the same way that she treats you, and if they have an issue with that, then they should take ot up with her.
I clearly titled this post wrong. But for everybody saying I’m begging for her to like me, and can’t accept if she doesn’t, is not it. I’m clearly trying to do the right thing, or what I think the right thing is. & that’s to set the example, include her, not take away the attention she was probably always getting, being friendly, etc. I’ve experienced such quiet awkward encounters when I’ve reciprocated her energy but that was such a crappy visit and instead was asked what my problem was from fiancé and mil because that’s n “not usual of me” but at that point I rather not show up-but how often until that would effect my fiancé.
On the part about letting things be and leaving her alone I can understand and am going to pursue doing so. I’m also trying to show my fiancé I’m doing the right thing because this frustrates the hell out of him to see. He knows if anyones going to brighten the situation it’ll be me, so maybe I feel so obligated to that. Thanks for all your input.
You want to know the fast way to deal with this? Stop trying to force her to like you and learn to ignore her behavior. You’re actually stoking the fire against yourself by continuing to force interaction she doesn’t want and has made crystal clear she won’t entertain. Let it go.
Have you talked to your fiancé about it? Has he said anything to her?
Just give her time. She’s getting what she wants by knowing you are vexed by her treatment of you. Just be yourself. Smile, say hi when you see her. Maybe a little compliment then move on. Don’t over-exaggerate your friendliness or attempts to not act hurt. Just treat her as a friendly acquaintance and move on. She’ll come around eventually, and you’ll learn better coping mechanisms.
Treat her like you treat a new cat in your home. Let her come to you and just give off the vibe/impression/whatever that when she is ready you’re there.
As the SIL in the same position, let me tell you what she wishes she could. She doesn’t like you that’s all. But you’re with her brother and out of consideration and respect towards him she can’t cut you out of her life. She can only distance herself. Trust me if you ever broke up, and she doesn’t wish it because she values her brother’s happiness, you’d cease to exist for her. And your fiance seems to interpret any negative interaction between women as jealousy. Unfortunately, a lot of people can’t fathom women being motivated by anything but jealousy towards other women.
It’s sounds like she doesn’t like you or it just disinterested in forming a strong bond with you.
My brother has a girlfriend and I never hang out with her nor message her. The times I’ve talked to her is when he has her visit. It doesn’t mean I dislike her. Frankly, I really like her since she makes my brother very happy and seems to be a very good influence. But the lack of a bond doesn’t equate to hate.
You don’t need to be close to your in-laws. Them simply respecting you by acknowledging and respecting your relationship to uour fiancé is enough.