Title says it all. I (24m) have never been in a relationship, and I don’t ever see that changing in this lifetime. When it comes to height I am just painfully average at 5’10. Nor can I grow facial hair, which is also another disadvantage (I can’t even try to grow it out because my job forces me to shave everyday).
I try to take advice from others, and its always the same cliche BS of “focusing on yourself.” Its good generic life advice, but its not really helping me in my situation. I’ve been lurking on this subreddit for a while, and unlike a lot of people on here- I actually have my shit together. I am not perfect, but I make pretty good money and I have attainable goals that I set for myself. I also am physically fit and have an athletic build. Also most of my hobbies revolves around outdoor activities. I cook, clean, groom myself (these are bare minimum things however I’ve seen a lot of weird things while reading some of these posts) and I even work on my car. All of these are the traditional “masculine” activities that women apparently find attractive.
Anyways, I realize that I am just purely undesirable due to my mixed race. My dad is of northern European decent, and my mother is southeast Asian. And unfortunately I bare a strong resemblance of being Asian (or sometimes Latino)
I honestly should have seen it coming because back in my college days I would be the only one out of my friend group that wouldn’t get a girls number after a night going out to the bars. I have spent several times being the only one walking home alone at 3 AM. Just unwanted and overlooked. Flash forward to now, I am the only one out of my friend group who isn’t married or engaged.
I tried online dating. In a little over a year I was only able to date a little over 20 women, and the end result of all of them was a complete failure. I would talk to them via text for a few days or a few weeks in some instances, go to dinner with them, and then never hear from them again afterwards. I had a couple of situations where I thought the date went really good, but I get ghosted anyways a couple days later. Or I just keep lying to myself. Most recently, I drove 2 hours to another city, took a girl out for steak, dropped her off and drove home happy thinking I hit it off with her. I haven’t heard from her since and that was nearly 3 weeks ago.
I tried to approach women in person as well, whether it be at a bar, store, or coffee shop. Taking more advice from others. Not only were they complete failures, but they were all pretty embarrassing. I had a couple instances where they would just laugh at me. One almost seemed offended that I even had the audacity to ask for their number. I forgot the rule that only white guys who are 6’2+ with fluffy hair have the privilege of approaching women. Society will tell us that female beauty standards are the worst thing ever (not at all saying they aren’t extreme), however society would love to see the majority of men sealed away somewhere because the mere sight of them is an inconvenience.
I don’t know what to do anymore, however I do know i’d rather not be alive anymore. Sometimes I want women just to use me as avenue to get free food at this point. At least I will have the illusion of being desirable for a few hours in my meaningless existence.
TLDR; No matter how much I try to better myself, I can’t get into a relationship because of my race. However, some women would still use me for the free food.
12 comments
baby you need to go where you are celebrated NOT accepted. IDK your living situation, but maybe you aren’t the standard where you live. However, somewhere else you are the sexiest. This is what happens to loads of people in smaller cities. Go bigger, more options and more sexy people. You sound super sweet, confidence and being sweet will take anyone more further than looks. There are so many guys who are narcissistic love bombers, if you take the time to be sweet and understanding I promise you will get a girl hooked!
Your personality could be a factor.
If you are actually getting dates (20 in a year isn’t bad actually) and none of them are turning into more that’s not because of your race.
If you weren’t getting dates at all or were getting rejected the moment you revealed your race then maybe you could point to that, but if you have date number one it means they were attracted or interested enough to give it a try.
Some of what you wrote in your post gives off “pill” vibes which is incredibly unattractive to women.
Start using minox to grow your beard
Man. It seems like you got your stuff together! I have the firm believe that we don’t get certain stuff because maybe it’s not meant to be. Life’s too short to be upset on whether or not you can expand some type of relation with a girl after the first date. I’m in the same boat as you and yeah it sucks but we keep on moving! Hats off to you for even attempting it, sooner or later you’ll get that person that values you, don’t run to it, let it come to you 💪🏽
I don’t think this is necessary but you and I are almost the same.
Hi (18, F), I’m a college student yet no boyfriend ever since. Had a couple of flings but always end up in a disaster. I can consider myself as decent and proper. My looks aren’t that bad but it wasn’t all that perfect either. Height 5’8, yeah, pretty tall for a lady. It’s probably the reason why no guy has ever tried to ask me out. I’m a Filipina half Chinese, I guess I got most of my traits from my dad who’s Chinese half Canadian… Phew!
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, you seem to have a good life going on here, I also understand the yearning of a partner, trust me, if an 18-year-old girl have yearnings for the love and affection of a guy, how much more could a 24 M yearn; for living 24 years of his life with no significant other? Of course, I understand your needs. It’s just that, try not to be the seeker, but be the one who’ll be seeked.
You got this Mr.!
Life goes on!
I’m giving the poster the benefit of the doubt on location/nationality differences. The advice would be- change location if you feel like such a minority. It’s seems you feel that is the only problem and the source of your self pity.
If that is the case then locale will help things.
If OP really read this sub enough they would see that 20 dates in 6 months is actually not bad at all with OLD.
You sound like a great guy. Don’t give up.
I’m originally from Hawaii and it’s a melting pot of mixed cultures and races. From the many people I know who are the same race as you, I already know you’re a handsome young man. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re young, enjoy life. The girls you’ve been meeting aren’t the right ones. Focus on you and being happy…the right young lady will come along.
The thing about the “work on yourself” advice is that men mean it differently than women do. If you’re fine by men’s standard for men, try women’s standards: Get therapy. Work on your social skills. Become a good conversationalist/storyteller. Learn to flirt. If you get that many dates, it’s not a problem of looks, race, or height.
But also: your post reads as if you don’t respect, much less like, women. Don’t date until you can get past this. Even if you think you’re hiding it, you’re probably not doing as good a job as you think you are. And even if you could hide it, and you were somehow successful in getting past a second date, you would be creating an unhealthy relationship for both of you. That’s not fair. So work on yourself in the ways that matter to women, and then try again.
Holee heck 5’10 is not a height that causes problems for 99% of women irl despite what dating profiles say.
And in a little over a year you *only* dated 20 women?! Is that a joke? Most lonely guys are lucky if they have a *date* in that timespan. You are sounding way insecure when there’s evidence saying otherwise.
It’s definitely not your looks, are you kidding? You’ve been to 20 dates in a year, that is a lot and means that 20 women found you attractive enough based on your photos to go out with you. Maybe your behaviour in person doesn’t match your texting or maybe you’re too nice or not flirty enough. It’s clear that your confidence has suffered and women can easily pick up on that. Also it might indicate incompatibility with the women you’ve chosen.
Based on your description, I would go for a guy like you, but with added confidence. It sounds like you’re living in the wrong city. Perhaps finding a more culturally diverse area would benefit you. And help you find yourself 🙂