We are a group of 4. I became apart of it because two were already friends with mine. We became really close 2 years ago, best dl friends level. This year, I feel really left out at some points, but when they do interact with me like it used to be, i feel like i’m overreacting.
Situations where I felt this way were:
– They’d talk about convos that I don’t know about and whenever i want to know they either: would ignore what i’m saying (which i have to repeat until i’m heard), won’t say anything because it’s maybe a secret or they’d say:“Oh! You weren’t there” (because i leave school earlier than them)
– For lunch, they always wait for each other. Since one eats school lunches often, we go in line with that person and so so. When one is still not back from the bathroom, we would wait for them before eating, but they would never for me.
– My friend who introduced me would be so quick to sort of criticize my argument, but once someone else brings it up, she would not say a word.
– We wanted to go at a chalet during the summer (we were 5 to go). I wasn’t allowed to go. When one of my friends said she couldn’t, the trip was cancelled which is totally understandable. But they said the reason as to why it was cancelled was because that one friend couldn’t go. Basically saying that it didn’t matter if i came or not.
Of course, we would still joke around or talk, but I’m in a position where I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel and I always try to be careful now of what I want to say, because I kinda fear their judgment. I’ve been feeling this ache for a few months now and I don’t know what to do.
Am i really overreacting? If not, what should I do?
2 comments
I don’t know if this has some term but I’ll call it “passive exclusion”, ive felt it too sometimes, when people are with you, share moments and laugh yet always set some trust barriers between you and them that they don’t put on other people. It’s a thing I don’t know how to fix and I guess some people are just prone to either doing it or receiving this kind of behavior
I’m experiencing something similar and this is happening because I recently decided to focus on myself. Now I spend most of my time alone, for instance I don’t always stay for after school activities, stick around and kill time until one of us decides to go home like we used to which is a good decision because I focus on being productive. I realized that they’re my only friends when they have lots of friends other than our group. So I’m also trying to meet with new people. I also become more carefree about my relationship with them, I used to act around them and put way more effort to be a ‘good friend’, but now I focus on being myself, I don’t need to act because no matter how hard you try, it doesn’t matter. Maybe you are experiencing something similar to this. Maybe you’ve changed and it’s bothering them. No matter what their reason is, I believe they’re excluding you intentionally or not. And I think if this friendship doesn’t feel right, you shouldn’t upset yourself. Like I said, it doesn’t matter how hard you try to be a good friend if they don’t see you as one.