Why is it assumed that every woman likes receiving oral? If you are a woman that doesn’t care for it, how do you tell your partner and how did they respond?

48 comments

  1. I just tell my partner what to do instead of telling him what not to do. He’s super chill abt it.

    Edit: might I add, I never had anyone before him so maybe Idk how I want it done but I never hesitate to tell him. Also, the beard. IT IS SO UNCOMFORTABLE.

  2. i don’t think i’ve outright said it, but i always turn it down when offered. maybe i’ve never gotten, like, GOOD head before so i’m missing some hype? but everytime i’ve had it (like 3 times or something) it’s always either been really mundane or incredibly uncomfortable.

  3. All of my exes insisted on doing it. All the time. I didn’t protest then but I recently came to the realization that I just don’t care for it. I don’t need it for my satisfaction. It’s quite strange ro me that it is even a thing between humans and it doesn’t feel natural to me. I seriously want to know who came up with it and why it spread like wildfire and became a staple in the act of sex for most people.

    I told my current boyfriend that I don’t like oral and he must have taken it as a challenge like, “you just haven’t had me do it” and he just acted like I never said what I said. That is not the only form of foreplay there is. I asked another guy friend why men like giving oral sex so much. He said because of the enjoyment the woman gets. But if a woman says she doesn’t enjoy it then the guy should just listen and refrain. What is he missing out on if he doesn’t do it? Most times I’m just laying there tolerating it thinking. “Hurry up and give me the meat!” I may need to have another conversation with him about it.

  5. I’ve got an extreme aversion to certain textural feelings. Having a tongue on me feels slimy and makes my skin crawl. It’s not sexy or erotic, its repulsive.

    On the other hand, I absolutely hate the taste of skin. I have a very strong gag reflex that is also triggered by gagging noises. Because of that I refuse to do it on other people, regardless of who. Rather not vomit during sex.

  6. Said I didn’t like it and don’t want him doing it. If he didn’t listen to me, we didn’t engage asexually again. No means no.

  7. I do not like giving or receiving oral. At all. I just communicate that to my partner- it’s never been an issue.

  8. No means no. I’m not into it at all. Have had prior partners insist that I’d like it and after a long while of nothing happening, they finally realized I legitimately wasn’t into it. Now I’d just say no. My husband gets it and doesn’t have a problem with it because he’s better with his hands anyway.

  9. I’ve never liked it. I’d rather give. There is other foreplay I enjoy but in my experience most don’t seem to know what foreplay is they just wanna get to it🤦🏼‍♀️

  10. I learned I didn’t enjoy oral with an ex, this was confirmed during a short relationship with the next guy I dated. I got lucky with my husband, he has never offered me oral and enjoys doing the things that I make me orgasm, so win win.

  11. I’ve never liked it. I’m so glad I found this post because I thought I was a freak! It seems so ubiquitous in descriptions of sex and I’ve always wondered what men must think when I say please not to do it to me.

    No man has ever insisted on doing it or even mentioned it again once I tell them I don’t like it.

  12. i have a super sensitive clitoris. it feels weird when i or somebody else even touches it. super annoying. told my partner from the beginning. was never an issue. i always though the vast majority of men dont enjoy giving head anyway.

  13. I loved giving it to women or men but the only times I’ve really enjoyed it is from another woman. Its strangely more intimate to me than general sexy times activities.

  15. Originally I was like you and only said “i don’t like it”, but men are stubborn 🙄 so now I say that it makes me uncomfortable, that the position itself is making me self conscious and is overall disagreeable, which is why I can’t enjoy what he’s doing. I also suggest alternative ideas, tell them what I like and what I would want instead. Most of the time, they do it happily !

  16. Why that’s assumed? Probably porn. And men thinking they’re really great in bed when they’re not.

    I don’t really care for receiving oral either. I’m not repulsed by it or anything, it just doesn’t turn me on as much/doesn’t give me the stimulation I need. Luckily, my current partner once asked me if I liked oral and I just answered honestly, i.e. that I usually don’t reach orgasm from it (only happened once with a partner) and that there’s other things I enjoy more. He’s fine with it. He still likes to go down on me every once in a while because he likes the feeling, taste, and intimacy of it, but he doesn’t expect me to orgasm from it which takes pressure off of me.

  17. Usually when I say it to my short term partners they’ll say something cringey like “But you’ve never gotten it from M E before, I’ll show you how good it can be” I have noticed the offers for oral have considerably decreased now that I grow out my pubic hair lmao. Theres a few reasons I don’t enjoy it. My clit is sensitive in a bad way, I’m allergic to every lube i’ve tried so i’ts never slick enough for direct touching, if my partner is good about rewetting their hands with my natural wetness I can only have one clitoral orgasm and then its WAY too sensitive, with internal orgasms I can keep going and I just like the feeling more. I think the worst reaction was from a friend of a friend at a party, a group of us were commenting on tinder people in our area kinda tipsy, and when this topic came up and I gave my personal experience this one girl said I couldn’t really be queer or a feminist if I didn’t like oral sex or vibrators lol

  18. I’ve never cared for it. It feels slimy and it’s usually not enough pressure on my clit. I also really love the D, so there’s that too. My husband has tried a few times because he wanted me to enjoy it as he likes doing it, but I’ve only gotten off once from it. I’d much rather he use his D and we can use the magic wand if I need extra clitoral stimulation.

  20. The same reason it’s assumed that every man enjoys insertive sex – standard generalizing based on cultural tropes and personal experiences and expectations. It’s a common form of sexual pleasure and one that many women find particularly effective, so a lot of people assume it’s universally enjoyed even though there are plenty of people who aren’t into it.

    If someone isn’t into a particular sex act, their partners should respect that. If your partner doesn’t respect your sexual boundaries, leave them.

  21. It’s not ok for someone to perform a sex act on another that is not wished for. Say it makes you feel uncomfortable and you feel invaded, OP. 💝💐

  22. I’ve had men tell me I’m: 1. Lying, 2. Sexually repressed, 3. Was molested as a child. All because I told them I don’t like oral. Weirdly, I do enjoy it from women, but never have from a man.

  23. I don’t want it. My current partners, and *most* but not all of my past partners, respect that.

    Some feel sad, because it’s a thing they enjoy. I think it’s okay for them to feel sad about not having a thing they like, AS LONG AS they don’t burden me with managing their feelings.

    Some have been egomaniacs that are upset they can’t use it to give/force orgasms which isn’t about me but instead need that exact sex act to make them feel powerful/whatever. If I’m into that kind of power trip, I suggest trying something else to see if that works. If I’m not wanting that kind of power play, the sooner detached the better.

    Sometimes partners aren’t so much into oral sex in and of itself, nor a power trip, but are seeking to provide me with sensation/pleasure that is just about me and not about them. Sometimes that’s from a determination to not/no longer be a selfish lover. Sometimes it’s because they KNOW their own pleasure can be too overwhelming to closely pay attention to my pleasure while they seek their own, and are trying to set us for success instead instead of failure by staggering focus. Or they’re seeking to give ME power. In these cases, simply communicating to them what *does* feel good to me and *can* be me-focused totally fixes the situation.

  24. Younger me used to just endure it and fake an orgasm to get it over with. As I found my voice I started telling them I didn’t enjoy receiving oral. Most guys would always pull the “you just haven’t had it done right yet” line. Convinced they were the one that was going to change my mind. If they persisted with that way thinking I would end things knowing then that sex was tied to their ego and not our mutual pleasure. It was a great way to weed out selfish egotistical men.

  25. I have a little bit of a trauma from my childhood so unfortunately in my case I downright hate it. Usually i have to say it upfront and it never caused any problems.

  26. I’m the same, I absolutely hate receiving oral, it does nothing for me and I always feel disconnected from my partner. I can orgasm from penetration itself 100% of the times as long as the guy has a big penis. I could never be with someone who insists on giving me oral, I need a decent sized piece of meat to make me happy 😀

  28. Generally speaking, many women find it extremely pleasurable. I think that’s a big reason why it’s assumed.

  29. I never enjoyed oral either. Every guy I’ve been who wanted to give me oral really I think just wanted to do it for his *own* enjoyment, not really mine. I don’t like the texture of a mouth down there at all, and if he has stubble it’s just a horrible experience.

    It’s always seemed to be less about “do you enjoy oral sex?” and much more “I want to lick pussy!”

    I just started to be outright about it – it’s not something I particularly get much out of, but if he wants to do it, there are times I don’t mind him doing it. It’s just not for me.

  30. I don’t like it. It’s too ticklish, I feel pressured to have an Oscar-worthy orgasm (I mean winning an acting award, not slapping the dude across the face), and I don’t like the loss of contact with my partner’s body.

    Once I figure it it out, I was upfront about it and dudes haven’t minded.

  31. I don’t like receiving oral, I found. I thought it was just my ex was horrible at it, so let my current boyfriend try. Also didn’t like it.

    I did tell him that it’s not really my thing, and I would prefer we don’t do it again. He was disappointed, but has respected my request.

  33. I think its all the movies.portraying a guy going down on a woman. The second a man goes down on a woman her face explodes with pleasure, she wings the comforter like she’s about to instantly orgasm, and she makes some big sexual noise. Maybe guys believe that is actually the response we have?

  34. “Eh, I don’t really like it. Does nothing for me.”
    “…Okay”

    ​

    I mean, is it supposed to be complicated?

  36. My partner likes to give it. I get more pleasure internally so I told my partner that while it makes for great foreplay, penetration is the best way to please me. He said okay cool. It wasn’t a big deal or anything and we have great sex!

  37. I didn’t like receiving oral until I actually had good oral given to me.

    And as a side note-I’ve found that if a man says he is good at it…well, he isn’t…

  38. Tbh I feel like the whole topic is a landmine for me. I have a dislike for it, but also I have negative after negative after negative experience with it. If every time a guy recieved oral, the woman bit it like they were Ignor and a scarf in young Frankenstein, he probably wouldn’t like it either.

    I hate how men don’t listen to my feedback. I hate how uncomfortablely they touch a sensitive part of my body. I hate how they rush like they’re robbing a bank. I hate how they only care about their own pleasure from doing. I hate how they act like it’s a chore.

    Would I actually like it if men weren’t God awful at it? Maybe. Who knows.

  39. My SO is incredibly good at giving oral and it takes him less than 5 min to do the job. BUT, I often don’t feel comfortable about receiving oral. My body enjoys it but my mind doesn’t. So I often turn the offer down.

    I told my SO that sometimes I just don’t feel like getting oral and he’s understanding and never pushes it and I’m grateful for that, since my ex liked to push me into both receiving and giving oral against my will.

  40. It is okay if you don’t personally enjoy it, but it is almost always assumed that every man likes receiving oral. The vice versa assumption is statistically less common. Reciprocity and being considerate should be the norm for both sides.

  41. I just said that I didn’t like it. He took it well but said that it’s something that he really enjoyed doing so I said I’d give it a try with him. Turns out that oral still doesn’t do
    Tons for me unless we’re doing 69 laying on our sides. I’m soooo glad that we both kept an open mind about it. (Me being willing to try and him not making it a big deal.)

  42. I absolutely love giving oral, but receiving makes me shiver. I’m just too sensitive and it hurts and is not pleasurable. My partners really like it tho, so I’m kind of trying to find a way to make it pleasurable, i just have to teach them how to touch me since my body is weird. Open communication and asking for what you want is the key.

  43. for me i like it only with something else. but i can’t do oral on a guy i gag internally each time and i feel like if i talk to my friends about it i’m weird. for me personally oral can completely be skipped

  44. Honestly it grosses me out. Just the idea of someone’s tongue and saliva down there, the sweat and fluids all smeared around everywhere, is disgusting to me. Primarily because that is someone’s face. I don’t want someone’s mouth down there where I want to keep it clean, fresh and balanced – human mouths and tongues are some of the least clean things in the planet. I don’t want my body fluids all over someone’s mouth and chin. It just feels unhygienic to me personally. I know other people enjoy it successfully and hygienically but I am too grossed out to enjoy it in the moment lol. More power to those who enjoy it tho!!

  45. I just straight up don’t like anything about it. My husband, because this is the way life works, would have his mouth surgically attached to my vulva a la human centipede if he could. We’ve been together 14 years and I’ve let him go down on me one (1) time because I wanted to show gameness but never again. It is not my jam and I’m not going to waste my time having sex I don’t want to have.

  46. Thank you for asking this! I feel the same thing and I thought something was wrong with me. I still try it every once in a while but I’m not into it at all.

  47. He loves doing it, but it doesn’t get me off and he knows that. I still let him do it because he likes to.

  48. I don’t really care for it, like its feels alright, I just can’t orgasm from it. The biggest thing is, my boyfriend loves doing it and it’s something that really turns him on, so I still go through it. I’ve been honest with him that i can’t really orgasm from it, but it’s a great foreplay tool and knowing he loves it helps me enjoy it more.

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