It is often said that my generation’s fatal flaw is our fear of failure, success it a lot easier for us thanks to technology, but this conversely makes us more afraid of risk.
But I do admire people who still have the confidence to just walk up to someone they want to talk to, and say hi without any sign of awkwardness. While I am an introvert, I would love to have that ability, but I’m not sure how to do it.
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Awkwardness is something you feel. No one else notices it unless you give that feeling power over yourself.
Introverted doesn’t mean you’re shy. Introverted just means you recharge alone & people drain you
I’m an introvert myself who has more courage/boldness talking to strangers than I do with most loved ones bc I honestly don’t care what strangers think but I care a lot about what my loved ones think
Personally when I wanted to start doing this, I pictured my favorite fictional character in a show in terms of confidence possessing my mind but he still uses my name
So the character I chose is Barney from how I met your mother
I just let him “rent” my brain for a convo per month with a stranger but no horny topics like Barney would prefer
Then as soon as Convo is over I turned off Barney mode & relaxed/gathered myself
I watched so many seasons of that show my brain had no problem going “Barney would probably reply with ______”
So I pretended I wasn’t talking but he was
Eventually I wasn’t tired as much to use Barney mode each month so it became weekly then every other day then once a day etc until I didn’t have to think about him anymore
Just became fused into my normal being if that makes sense after a year or two & I didn’t have to concentrate as hard
When I think of strangers who’ve spoken to me, I don’t remember them too much but I generally remember if they made me feel happy or good
So I figured I would like to be the same for someone else & if they got bored of me they’ll forget about me
The same way I forgot about the boring strangers
TLDR; Pick a character you love that just exudes the confidence you want, let them run around as you for a convo, then do that once in a while & keep practicing until you don’t need to use that “mode” anymore
Well if I need something from them, like asking for money or something is super duper hard for me so I just don’t, but for just conversation an stuff I just look at them like a live npc
The power of negative thinking. Imagine the worst case scenario and if you can handle it then drop your fear and move forward. What’s the worst thing that can happen? The stranger doesn’t like you? Doesn’t respond? Responds rudely? Remember, this is a person you didn’t know 5 seconds ago, their opinion of you is literally meaningless. The upside is that you might make a friend and have a good time. The juice is definitely worth the squeeze. Just give it a shot and learn from your failures. You’ll be talking to strangers in no time.
Ask questions. Harmless little questions. You can even ask questions to things you know the answer to, not just an opinion on something polemic.. more like, where do people go shopping, where there is a pet store… Act like a helpless old person, not afraid to ask for help, someone that doesn’t need to pretend they know everything
>While I am an introvert, I would love to have that ability, but I’m not sure how to do it.
Being an introvert doesn’t mean you don’t have the ability to just go up to strangers to start converstions
Years ago, I started approaching strangers in public to start small talk and conversations even on the smallest things. It takes practice. It takes trial and error. But you eventually get better and more confident at it. And to be serious, the only way way you build confidence and courage to approach strangers to make small talk and conversations is to practice approaching strangers in public to make small talk and conversations. You just have to start somewhere. This helped me get to the point where i can confidently approach any stranger in public to start any small talk/conversation with them. I’m still an introvert today, but a more confident one who can talk to strangers with ease
Ideas include approaching people in parks to ask about their dogs. Ideas include approaching people standing outside electric car chargers to talk about their cars and what they think. — NOTE: Do not approach people at chargers sitting in their car to knock on doors to make conversations! People standing outside are more likely to want to talk to people. Keep in mind that not everyone wants to have conversations with strangers no matter the setting so be ready for that.
Be curious. Don’t walk into a conversation with an agenda. Ask questions to someone about themselves. Don’t focus on yourself, focus on the conversation. It really helps.
Stopped giving a shit
Think less. Talk more. The hardest part of anything is getting started. So just get that part over with.
If I want to talk, I talk. Not much courage needed. What are they gonna do- walk away? BFD.
Start small. Quick complement, follow up with a question.
“Cool shirt! Did you get it at one of their shows?”
“That drink you have looks amazing! What is it? Do they make a good one here?”
“Your [talent] is awesome! Do you have any videos posted somewhere?”
“That’s so cool! Where did you learn to do it?”
Booze, usually.
Look, I didn’t say it was healthy.
People say I’m strange. So its easy to talk to strangers. I just don’t do it well.
Same as any other skill, practice.
Realize that you have no skin in the game, worst case is that you have a negative encounter and life continues exactly the same as before. It’s all a numbers game
Approach as soon as you see someone you want to talk too.
Delaying your approach just gives your brain time to create excuses not to approach AND makes you look timid to other people.
Remember you are the author of your story.
by doing drugs that reduce my social anxiety
Just do it, start simple, good morning as you pass in the street or a hey how are you doing sort of things.
What I found helped me was a year of bar work. I was very shy in school but working a few Saturday nights in a busy bar soon beat that out of me.
Also try and find people of a similar interest to you, I can talk the hind legs of a donkey if I’m at a Warhammer event or something else geeky and having people of a similar mindset can make conversations flow more naturally.
No joke, I started smoking.
I’m not suggesting this for anyone and now it’s a habit I can’t kick, but I started smoking because “I forgot my lighter” is a good way to kick off a conversation.
You go through enough pain and hardship in life, you could talk to a king without even needing to blink, trust me.
I have always been shy by nature, extremely shy as a kid and very self conscious, fear of rejection etc. I’m learning that people appreciate a smile or a hello. I also read a book called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck which out a lot of things in perspective for me.
It’s definitely a work in progress, and I must say that chatting with people on Reddit has also helped.
The problem with all the courage / confidence talk is people don’t care.
I got a new notebook to keep my lifting plans in and someone I lift around, but not with, asked me about my cool new notebook at the gym and I showed it an we talked about it as his old notebook is near full. The point of this anecdote is some dude saying hi was not a big deal for me.
Now if I was talking to someone else, concentrating on driving, or doing something dangerous up a ladder, I’d be annoyed at being distracted. But it was obvious I was just relaxing after a couple sets of OHPs.
There’s some concept about social mirroring or whatever revolving around empathy. That would be the thing to focus on. So… if I was this dude you’re about to talk to, that dude would be thinking what?
Ooooh edited to put in the money quote: The problem with people today is they see “social” as bragging to millions of rabid faceless fans, but IRL “social” is more about empathy seeing one other person’s point of view. What you’re talking about is a scale problem.