Im 15F (trans mtf), my (irl) friend who i’ll call R is 15F, her ex-gf who i’ll call J is 16F (also trans mtf), R and J were dating over the internet (discord) for about a year.
A few weeks ago i found out that my friend was pretty abusive to J, i’m gonna list the stuff i was told she did.
Very manipulative
Pressured J into doing things she was uncomfortable with
J was constantly afraid R would kill herself or hurt herself
R was very controlling
R made J hurt herself for pleasure
R threatened to hurt herself
Gaslighting
R would use J as a like suicide hotline
R would not be very supportive to J
R was transphobic and trans fetishising
after I heard all this stuff i decided to stop being friends with R, it was hard tho since we’ve been friends for around 10 years now and since i stopped talking to them i’ve been feeling more shit and more hopeless than usual which doesn’t help with my depression (not diagnosed yet).
Earlier today R messaged me explaining some of the things she did. She said she admits that she did awful things and regrets it all but also said that some stuff was taken out of context etc.
R said that she wasn’t transphobic just made jokes about girls with dicks being hot (i’ve heard them make jokes like this before so i believe them and they’ve also never said anything transphobic before) she’s since stopped joking about stuff like that
She also explained that J never said anything about not being comfortable with stuff which explain the pressuring into things etc, she said that if she knew how J was actually feeling she’d break up with her,she also realised what she was doing was wrong and tried to leave J but J begged her not to and also R still loved J and didn’t want to entirely leave.
R also said that she thought J was ok with the making J hurt herself thing and i know it’s still fucked up but yeah.
R also said that J did similar things to her just not quite as bad
TL;DR: a lot of the toxicity was miscommunication but also R did lots shitty things. I don’t know what to do, i want to still be friends with R but i know i probably shouldn’t be this whole situation just makes me feel shit about everything.