My bf (22) and I (22) have been dating for almost a year and have had some issues with drinking. If he’s drunk and one of us makes a bad joke or I’m offended then the whole night is ruined for him and it’s impossible to get thru. Granted I’m pretty emotionally avoidant and he’s sensitive and emotional. It’s happened like maybe twice where it’s a really bad night and a sh*tshow so the last time I told him I’m not doing this again and made it extremely clear.
He tried not drinking and if he would, he’d ask if I’m ok/uncomfortable and it’s been fine until this weekend.
My best friend who I haven’t seen since 2016 flew in to visit for a weekend and the last night he was here we all went out for drinks and got drunk. Towards the end of the night I guess something went wrong for my bf and he was very quiet and drunk and I knew there’s no talking to him and kinda avoided him cause I wanted to have fun with my friend.
We made it back to my apartment where he was embarrassingly drunk in front of my 2 cousins and dropped a box of donuts so my friends friend helped him clean it. Then my bf just went to my room where my cousin went to talk to him for a while (he also said he has no clue what was wrong and thought he was just too drunk) and I stayed with my friend cause he was literally packing to leave.
After my friends left, I noticed my bf was in the shower for a really long time (40 min, usually takes 15) so I finally went in and he was passed out in the tub. Idk something really broke just seeing him there, I turned off the water and he silently got up and got changed. I realized later he accidentally broke so many things in my bathroom too. At this point it’s 3-4am he’s trying to pack and leave while crying and apologizing, I’m just dissociating n numb. The next day I barely spoke to him noticed he was crying but kinda ignored it and he left.
I told him to give me space and let me think cause I really thought about just ending it right there. Idk I love him he’s sweet and caring but I put up with so much shit with my ex also being unable to control his emotions that I really have no mental space to be able to care for others in that regard. Is it worth giving him another chance? He also said he felt unloved and uncared for the weeks prior and I felt the same way, we said we’d work on it but now this happens. I feel like I’m being too harsh but at the same time I need to have some respect for myself?? Help lol.
Td;lr My bf 22, got embarrassingly drunk while my best friend I haven’t seen since 2016 was over and ruined the whole night.
4 comments
He has a drinking problem that he needs to confront. Really. He needs to.
“My boyfriend is an alcoholic.”
FIFY.
As has been stated to you already, alcoholism does not mean you must drink every day. It simply means that you have an unhealthy relationship to alcohol. And if he gets loaded pretty much every-time he drinks, that is an unhealthy relationship and that is alcoholism.
I don’t want to be the cold and cruel redditor telling you to break it off when I don’t truly know your relationship, but he sounds like he has very serious issues. And if this is already something you’ve dealt with in the past it would be understandable if you wanted to end it. I don’t think that I would personally be able to put up with that.
I understand what you’re saying about it being his emotions and not his drinking, but in addiction the two things are so intertwined that it’s really not an important distinction.
If you really like him and want to stay with him, tell him that you don’t want him to drink around you anymore and see how he reacts. If he can do it on his own time and leave you out of it, you might be ok with that. But that is seriously unacceptable behaviour and I think no matter what you do, you cannot put up with it any longer. So either the behaviour changes, he doesn’t do it around you, or you walk.
1. Why did you get into a relationship if your past stuff made you unavailable to care for your partner?
2. You know your bf gets like this when he’s drunk. Why didn’t you insist you and the 2016 guy do something else? Or make your bf the DD or something?
3. He needs therapy or treatment or something of the sort to deal with this