I (F23) have been with my boyfriend (M29) since last 3 years.
Year #1 – Talking phase – Was very volatile for us where I used to block him and not talk for a couple days, sometimes 10-15 days at a stretch. As someone who retracts and goes into a cocoon, I want to be left alone instead of talking and arguing more and I don’t want someone to pamper me for acting up bcs i feel it is my responsibility to sort out myself and my emotions. During this time I must have said a few harsh things over his incompetence, lousy job and lifestyle. He is VERY traumatised by this it seems.
Year #2 – Committed – New problems arise as we figure each other out more and spend more time. Sex is alright. One of his complaints being I never initiate. And my complaint being he used to do it even when I didn’t feel like it and I always gave in bcs he wanted to (I don’t want him to be grateful for that but he almost never acknowledges how tough and traumatising that was for me)
Also I was a virgin when I met him and so was he.
Year #3 – He’s 29 and at an age where he should rightfully marry so I enquired whether he wants to take this forward. He said he’ll marry anyone but me. Also he recently disclosed that he had decided he won’t be marrying me in year #1 itself post seeing our ups and down. I argued that it was our talking phase, people are indecisive and can’t commit easily. But having had no dating experience before this, he just believes what he is living and feeling.
I really love this dude. I don’t care what we say or what we do and how. I believe if you find someone you can tolerate even slightly, dig in ur nails and don’t let go.
Also we’re conservative as a couple but also equally liberal in other matters. Our ideologies match beautifully. It’s rare to find someone with the perfect balance bcs I’ve talked to a looooot of men and none came close.
What to do? He says he is fed up and done. I feel so too sometimes. But should we let go this easily? I know I’ll be pretty devasted if that happens (been there once, close call)
How do I make him stay?
Tldr : Been with a guy for 3 years and have had our ups and downs, nothing major either of us ever did but he just doesn’t want to continue this. Did I do something gravely wrong? How do I make him stay?
5 comments
>How do I make him stay?
You don’t. A relationship takes two yeses. He’s giving you a no. So it’s not going forward and you should just move on at this point. (edit for typo)
Doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong but you’re still young and you’re still growing into yourself and the changes probably just make you incompatible now.
You were having issues from the very beginning. This is very clearly going nowhere.
Yall sound bad for each other on top of the fact that he literally said he’d marry anyone but you. Let him go.
Why do you want to stay with him when he said he would marry anyone BUT you?
You put too much pressure on him. He’s just a man .
Kindness goes further then mindgames. Criticising his job and ignoring him for 15 days will cause someone not to trust you. You need to work on yourself if you love this man.
He’s not your hero. He’s your partner and continuing like this means you will lose him. Love should be fun.