Hey all, coming with a personal dilemma. I feel like garbage about it because as the title says, these are my friends.
Cutting to the chase, many of my friends from high school and undergrad are ending up in relationships, getting new apartments, becoming engaged and even having children. I don’t have any hatred for them at all, but it’s getting more and more difficult to see their happy posts of ultrasounds and new keys and rings. Many of them just had kids right out of school or went to work locally.
I did things “the right way” (TM)* as preached by Boomer America and my overbearing parents, that being going to school and graduating (3x by 21, at that) and getting a decent job. This was supposed to set me up for stability and to be a worthy partner, they said. I’ve been aiming for being married by 23, but I’m just over a year out from there and haven’t even come close. I’m the least happy I’ve ever been. My degrees mean very little to me as I can’t share them with anyone the way my friends are able to share their lives with their partners, pets, and kids- they’re just stupid pieces of paper. I’m starting to pull away from most of them (especially the ones with children) because it feels like we have less and less in common. I use social media far less because there’s always someone with a new announcement. It sucks being the third wheel all the time. I can’t help but wonder when is it my turn as they keep passing me by over and over.
Being ahead in school means absolutely nothing when you don’t have anyone to come home to at the end of the day. I feel resentment like never before when they ask me when I’m going to get into a relationship after telling me about their new one, or when I’m considering kids (I’m not). Maybe it isn’t malicious but it feels like they’re rubbing my face in it, then I feel even worse that I can’t just be excited for them. How do I reframe this. Thank you.
*(Disclaimer: I don’t think that what my friends are doing is wrong by any means, they’re simply doing stuff in their own order. “The right way” is just to highlight that no it is not, very apparently.)
1 comment
To start Id like to say that no one is rubbing their happiness in your face. Thats a mentality that will cause you to lash out at people for no reason. They are living their lives, and you are living yours. The issue isn’t that they’re happy, its that you are not. Happiness is something only achievable through you. Work on changing your thought processes, practicing gratitude, and overall discovering what you need to be happy. Because I’ll tell you right now, if you aren’t content out of a relationship, you won’t be in one. Because again, no one else can create your joy. Only you can.