TLDR: I 19 year old Asian female, and 45 year old Asian American male have been texting. Things got flirty. I am comfortable with it. But would it work?
I have known this person for a year now, and things have been quite friendly with this man for a while. Only these 2 months has things started heating up. I wasn’t the one steering it into that direction but what happened happened. It was never opposed to further our relationship as he looks like he’s in his 20s. Until this week I found out his real age. That’s when I had reservations. I understand the issues we would have down the line, but should I still pursue this or just leave it alone.
Edit: For context he said he didn’t want a relationship now, but he’s steering it towards that way
sorry for the confusion
11 comments
Groomer. Trophy wife, most likely. Especially under the age of 20.
Does he have money and will you be financially supported
Nooooo. Run away from this guy. He’s gross to get involved with someone so young.
If you were thirty or older, then the age gap might work. But at your age, someone much older is going to be interested in someone your age generally for one of two reasons – either they think they can manipulate you into accepting an abusive relationship or they are so immature that they are on your level. In the latter case, it can work out in the short term, but then the younger person usually outgrows the older person and starts going – wow, what was I thinking? Has this person always been so immature?
Depends on what you mean by “work” and what you two expect from this relationship.
Could it work? Yes, there are people who have huge age gaps and are happy.
Would a young person and and older person like you two work? Most likely no. You just got out of high school at 19, probably in higher education and still haven’t gotten a job. You lack a lot of experience.
Now maybe if you were 24-30. Maybe?
But everyone is different. Doesn’t mean it can’t work. Just know there will be challenges. Generational gap, experience gap, etc.
My only question is are you sure he’s not married?????
Why would someone in their 40s be going for someone that is still recently out of high school? I can almost promise you if you were to persue this you won’t even know who you are in a year, and in 10 years you will think about how strange it was that this old dude was interested in such a young womanl.. If it was my daughter I would be having some serious conversations with her about this predator. This just gives me the creeps.
I’m an asian female, the power dynamics is unfair to you. He’s so much older. More important questions are does he respect you? Does he belittle you? Do you have much to talk about and things in common? How does he make you feel, does he care about your feelings?
You may not realise this till you are much older, but you grow up so much in your 20s and 30s, I can’t imagine dating someone 30 years younger. I think part of you realise this that’s why you are asking.
How would you feel about your famil finding out? I think its wise to think this over more and proceed very cautiously. He should be dating someone closer in age.
What do you want out of this? Marriage? A relationship? Casual sex? Be honest with yourself and ask him what he wants too, see if its the same.
“he said he didn’t want relationship”
well of course he said that, what else would he say? 😂
You are an adult. Don’t lean on this grooming crap. It involves children. You are not a child. You were not spending time together when you were a child, right?
That having been said, what could you possibly have in common with someone that age? It is questionable purely on that. I am in my 50’s and think dating anyone under 40-ish is icky. I have kids almost 30 and the thought would make me wretch. I do not believe it is good. I do not believe 99.9% are sustainable and your views change so much over time that the reasoning process and social queues are anathema to each other.