Me (F18) and my situationship (M19) ended beginning of May because he did not want to be in a relationship. His words broke me emotionally as I never felt this way with anyone before. The problem with the whole situation that I, luckily, recognize is that I am in love with the idea of him, but not himself personally. I initiated almost every single date we have been on and I always feel like I am being treated as if I am just there. I always felt so little (emotionally) and vulnerable when I am in his presence. He never did anything that was shitty to make me feel that way… I don’t really know why I felt like that. However, I also felt dopamine rushes whenever I see him (mixed with vulnerability). I get so happy to be with him and he makes me feel all sorts of butterflies.
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Within 2.5 months, just when I was getting over him, I was seeing another guy, Brad (M20), who was in the area for a month for work. We agreed to keep it casual, but ended up seeing each other 2-3x a week. Then, Brad caught feelings for me. I liked him too, but not to the extent that I did with the situationship dude and felt little chemistry with Brad. Once Brad left the area, we were texting all the time because I was convincing myself that I liked him a lot. Over time, the amount of text messages exchanged between Brad and I slowly lessened. (I did not want to lead him on anymore).
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Before the situationship dude, I used to fall for any guy who is kind, smart, funny and showed interest in me. Why am I not falling for Brad? He checks all the boxes and treats me wayy better than the situationship man treated me throughout the situationship. I am just scared that I will never feel the way I felt with the situationship man and I still somewhat think about him. I am also wondering how do I stop romanticizing the idea of the situationship man? Am I chasing guys who are not good for me?