Edit: I ended up telling him that I can’t promise him an exact date as it’ll be unfair to him if I cancelled again. So I told him we’ll plan it in Jan next year and I’ll let him know if I can or can’t go out. He seemed ok with it, phew.
I’m struggling with depression and anxiety right now and can’t bring myself to go out these days. I want to make sure I’m mentally healthy so I won’t have to worry about anxiety attacks while being in public. I also have no energy to hold any conversations and might end up seemingly cold and disinterested…
I’ve already accepted and cancelled plans from the same friend twice now. The last time I hung out with him I was sleep deprived and it took so much effort to pretend I was engaged and having fun. I’m sure I appeared upset because he texted me afterwards asking if I had fun.
And the subsequent time he asked me out, I agreed but had to cancel the day before. I told him that I wasn’t feeling well from pulling too many all-nighters due to work, which was part of the truth. I didn’t want to suddenly dump my mental issues on him. This was 1.5 months ago.
Today, he’s asking if I have time to have lunch next month.
I really want to tell him that I’m not mentally healthy right now. But I don’t want him to think I’m making excuses not to hang out. I’m wondering if there’s any way to let him know politely that I’m currently unable to go out and don’t know when I will be ready.
2 comments
I just hit them back with a date I’m free on.
I’ve never been in your shoes but if he’s a close friend then it might be better just to tell him
I mean, there’s no “winning” here tbh if the main goal is 100% sparing his feelings.
But the next best thing is by acknowledging whatever interest might still be there on your end, but also concluding that you’re just mentally not available.
I had a similar thing where a co-worker rejected me and let me know all the positives she felt of me but ultimately that she wasn’t emotionally available and even giving me some more info and relationship history that lead to her apprehension (not required at all, but really made it feel real vs being in “excuse” territory).
Of course, when she ended up dating another co-worker 2-3 months later I felt a bit salty but they ended up getting married so it is what it is lol