Me (M20) and someone (F20) started dating about 3 weeks ago. Things were initially going fine – she seemed incredibly simmilar to me, and I was infatuated with her. But things started to get ugly – we both have mental issues – I’m depressed, and she is bipolar. Her lifestyle, lacking any order, started to affect me. I became convinced that I can’t handle her, considering my health. We are both from abroad and studying, I felt that I’m not meeting friends, not studying properly, and that the happy bubble I made for myself was a lie. She was manic and would talk endlessly several times a day, leaving me no space. Once she got drunk and got home to my place, and then woke me up several times despite me being clear about needing to get a proper rest this day. I also struggled to show positive emotions because of the depression. Myself, I am functional but I struggle to have fun and be social. She was very different in that.
After two days passed and I abruptly broke up, though politely, she was devastated. I now feel incredibly bad about it. I was the one to initiate the relationship in the first place, while she didn’t initially want it to get serious. Then I bailed. Yes the sex and evenings together were nice, but I started to notice my other areas of life becoming neglected. I don’t know whether I wouldn’t be able to take care of them and be in this relationship, and I keep thinking whether we could have actually had something healthy, set the boundaries. It’s likely we couldn’t considering how much severe her issues were, but I’m not a saint either. I keep thinking whether it would be better to be miserable together rather than separately, but now it’s too late. After the break up she told me she just wanted to be together no matter what, which was terrible again because I felt like I could have tried to work through it first. Maybe these were only several weeks and it’s best to just leave and not to prolong any pain for anyone, or maybe it was something special what won’t come back. Maybe I’m more stable now but we were starting to make plans for the future, plans I won’t be able to experience.I don’t know whether I did the right thing. My friends tell me that yes, especially after how strongly she freaked out after I broke up. But I’m not sure if it just wasn’t justified. If you are meeting someone and then break up out of the blue, normal people freak out too.
Tl;dr Me and my ex both had mental issues (her being much less stable) and I started to become destibilised too. We were having a good time as lovers, but I started to neglect my life and didn’t feel happy. I abruptly broke up, broke her heart, and now have doubts whether I did the wrong thing.
2 comments
Idk why you’re trying to talk yourself into feeling bad. NO it would not be better to be miserable together lol. You would both not be able to work on yourself because there’s nothing more stressful than feeling like your relationship could collapse at any second and at the end of the day it always does. This would have ended. For sure. The way it ended now was probably a really good outcome. Imagine all the trauma you would have inflicted on each other. You made a smart adult decision. Don’t second guess yourself because it feels bad in the short term. Breakups always feel bad for a while, but staying in a relationship that’s not working is so much worse.
If there is some rather serious mental illness, relationships have a pretty high chance of ending in pain.
I think its more responsible to be single and have a pet, for example, until the illness is resolved or put under control. You are young enough to take your time.