I’ve been with my girlfriend with 2.5 years and we recently moved in together. She’s told me before that she was a bit OCD and while I did see signs of that, it wasn’t too bad. Since we’ve moved in though, I’ve been noticing that she needs a lot of things done her way, and will correct me if they are not done right.
Here’s a few examples from our home life:
\- The keys have to go on hooks at the entrance. If I put my keys anywhere else when we get back from an errand (e.g. kitchen table), she’ll tell me to put them on the hooks.
\- Some things go on different levels of the dishwasher because they’ll either break or fall through (e.g. glasses go on the lower level).
\- I have to quickly brush my feet with my hands before getting into bed to make sure there isn’t dirt or crumbs on them, to avoid soiling the bed (we vacuum regularly though).
\- I can’t wear clothes that I’ve been outside with to bed. It’s either pj’s or freshly laundered clothes that I haven’t gotten out with yet.
\- The coat hangers go back on the rack with the hook facing away from me, since if it’s facing the other way I might knock some stuff off the coat rack.
\- She has a specific way of cleaning the counter, different cloths for different types of cleaning, a specific pattern to move the mop when mopping, etc. I don’t mind learning how to clean things her way, since it does make things a lot cleaner, but she does mention when I haven’t done something properly and I usually forget something (e.g. I don’t always vacuum all the way up to the wall).
Usually she’s more relaxed when we travel (e.g. she’ll let things get a bit messy) but she’s still particular about some things. Here’s an example of our travel two days ago:
\- She usually likes her water bottle in the cup holder in the car, so I put it there as she got in to drive. She moved it because the water bottle was too high and might clip her elbow when she was driving (it was a different car than usual so maybe that’s why)
\- When it got dark I wanted to up the volume of the music which was really quiet, but she refused to because she was listening to the sounds of the car and the road outside (we were driving on icy roads at night in an area with deer)
\- She checked into the hotel while I unpacked the car. While we were walking in the lobby I asked what our room number was and she whispered “up” and directed the elevator to the second floor. Once in the room she told me it wasn’t safe to announce your room number in a hotel lobby (makes sense)
\- While unpacking I was checking out a random canned drink her mum gave her. She told me to be careful, I was moving it too much and she didn’t know if it was carbonated or not
\- We got a bag takeout and I placed it in the fridge. The next day she told me to remember to take the containers out of the plastic bag since the bag gets moist after.
All her reasons for doing things a certain way make sense – things are cleaner, last longer, are less annoying in the long run, etc. But there are so many things to remember that I’m starting to feel overhwelmed, and start overthinking things, usually making more mistakes. This isn’t something I want to break up over but I’m not going to lie, some days it’s pretty tough.
I’m at the point where I need a reality check. Is this behaviour normal or would it classify as over controlling?
2 comments
This is pretty ocd behaviour, she is fine to do things her way, but you can’t do all of those things. I would push back on this in a respectful way
Everyone has quirks and none of those would be a deal breaker for me. But if you’re feeling anxious about breaking ‘the rules’ you might want to have a conversation about that.