to start off I (20F) do have anxiety which leaves me waking up every morning sick. I take meds and that all went away UNLESS I’m dating someone. I had been texting and face timing this guy 19(M) for a few months and we had been on a few dates. He was super sweet and communicative. I genuinely like him. He had asked me to be his girlfriend a few times and I declined because I felt like I was not ready to be in a serious relationship. My last relationship ended horribly. I was depressed for months afterward and I had a suicide attempt. Seriously the worst pain I’ve ever experienced was that heartbreak. I eventually felt like I could probably handle a relationship again and we dated for like 8 days. We had a minor disagreement and I just immediately broke up with him. cue depression and suicidal ideation. The next day we talked and decided to try to work things out. But then I ended up breaking up with him again later that day. It’s been four days and I have been having uncontrollable anxiety and depression. My head is all over the place. One second I’m praising myself for making the right decision of breaking up. The next I’m beating myself up for just breaking up with him. I can barely eat anything and I feel physically sick from all the options. Be alone, or be together.
I don’t want this to effect every relationship in my future. I don’t want to feel like my whole world is falling apart when I stop talking to or dating someone. Does anyone else go through this?