I met this guy online and we’ve met 3 times so far and I’m planning another tomorrow.
Takes an hour on the bus to the city which is the only city I’m comfortable in, since I’ve grown up there and know it well.
I live at home with my family and meeting this guy is the only form of social contact I have rn besides my family. I have fun with him, I like actually doing something enjoyable with my day with someone who’s not related to me.
All I’m doing is meeting this guy to have fun and then go back home, arriving back around 8/7 pm. Only, I haven’t told anyone I’m meeting him. I’m not that close or comfortable with anyone I live with to be honest. I’m not doing anything wrong though, just meeting up for fun, like lunch in the park, shopping, cinema, etc. But why do I always feel so guilty for going out?
I’m 21 but feel like I’m in a cage. I feel so so bad for even going out because my family expects me at home. Why do I feel so guilty?
Whilst I’m making this post, I also need advice on sleeping with him. I have no friends so how can I make an excuse to not be at home overnight and go off with him?
Also, even though I know I’m not doing anything wrong meeting him, why do I feel guilty for going out having fun? Idk if it’s almost like a stupid mindset I’ve developed? Like I don’t deserve to have fun, not allowing myself to be happy. I feel so trapped at home, like I’m not allowed to go out because the whole time I’m worrying that my family’s worrying about me. I get texts all the time like where r u, be back soon, etc. Too suffocating.
3 comments
Ok. Let’s analyse this logically.
Your 21. Your coming home (for now) and finally having some fun. So…..what’s the problem? Your not at home just for your parents to know your there?! Come on girl! Go have some fun! About time since life can be so shit all the time. If there’s a problem let them address it directly. Say u need space and to stop harassing you. I bet u don’t do it to them right? Ur not analysing their every move like a detective. They need to let u be free, especially ur stuck at home all the time. U may be under their roof but YOU need to live YOUR life for u! Loads of people ur age do the same, why r u any different? Don’t let them spoil your fun.
Might be worth having an open conversation about boundaries with your parents. Now that you are a grown woman at 21, you have a certain amount of privacy and independence that they have to respect. At the same time as their daughter you have some responsibility towards your parents wellbeing. That said, how you spend your time with friends or partners is not within those responsibilities.
It’s important that when you have this conversation that you remain calm and stay on topic. From my own experience of setting boundaries with parents, it can get pretty emotional and manipulative. You must not give into their emotional sway and maintain calm throughout. People don’t like it when you set boundaries with them. They will shower you with all sorts of concerns and you should hear them out and do your best to make them feel heard. Afterwards you have to tell them about your own needs and concerns.
Don’t try to make it an argument. Don’t make it about winning or losing. It’s about communication and understanding each other. You will want to drive to a resolution where both parties are happy but compromises will have to be made.
Final point, don’t be afraid to make them feel bad, it’s not going to kill them. As long as you end the conversation on a positive note, things will be fine. Good luck.
Hey OP, could you provide just a bit more info if you’re okay sharing – is your family very controlling/strict about your social life? I’m wondering that since you mentioned your limited social contact, and also your guilt about going out and your family worrying.