We’ve been rogether for 2 months now and i really love him , he adores me too.
The thing is that in sex i crave more aggressivness and domination, i’m kinda a masochist but never Really experienced it you know, cus i haven’t found the right partner for it yet but it’s okay cus i’m only 20 y old. I daydream about rought sex a lot. He knows that , but he is a sweet guy. Before we got together i joked about me being masochist in an actually very direct way, and he understood it. The first time we had sex he choked me and pulled my hair, and he talked dirty really good. I thought to myself oh my god i found someone who’s a dom by himself and maybe we can develope this to more serious levels.
But like after a few kinda rough sex we were cuddling and he told me that he only had sex like this a few times in his life cus all of his ex girlfriends liked it in a more romantic way and he is a pleaser and he gets turned on by his partners reaction and does what she likes.
I see the dom in him and as the weeks pass by it is noticable that he enjoys the powerplay very much, as he teases me in the leading position.
My problem is i really want him to slap me and be more direct and bossy about what i should do to him like ,, get on your knees right now” ,, do as i tell you or else… ” (And actually a lot more dom things) , but i’m scared of mentioning him these things cus I don’t know all of his kinks yet and I’m not sure how far he is comfortable going . I’m scared that he’ll see me as someone who is pathetic or weird for liking this type of sex.
17 comments
Go to mojoupgrade.com. You both fill out a questionnaire about kinks. It gives a report on just the things that you both want. Very safe!
This is my advice…
Walk over to him right now and let him read what you wrote. Communication is essential. After he reads it, start the conversation and tell him what you need sexually, and what you want the most…
Life is too short to hide your desires from the one you love. You aren’t pathetic or weird for liking this type of sex. 50 shades, despite the poor writing, was a hit for a reason. MANY people love this type of sex.
Good luck.
I feel more or less the same but with different needs: I’d like him to be mellower and less masculine and I don’t rellay know how to tell him. I think you should just ask him in the middle of action, when he is turned on.
Do it very slowly,
No one seems to admit this (maybe the sub is mostly female)
But it could change how he sees you if it’s very upfront and he might not be into doing that to the person he loves (in his head)
I’d ask him lots of questions about himself and what he’s into.. steer the topic off you to start with 🙂😂
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I really think you should try communicating your wishes. He already seems to be very open to explore your pleasures with you so chances are he’ll be onboard with exploring them more.
If you don’t feel comfortable with taking about it yet as you’ve only been together for two months, you might just wait a bit and see how things evolve without directly saying what you want him to do. You could also play more into your submissive role and/or tease him to see his reaction. Maybe he enjoys it and takes the initiative to your wants without explicitly knowing that’s what you wanted.
The thing about a healthy BDSM relationship is that all the people in the relationship get to have their wishlists but also their boundaries and limits. I just want to stress, because it isn’t said enough, that this includes dominant partners. You want your partner, whether dominant or submissive, to be able consent and to safe-word to stop a scene because that is a partner worthy of trust.
You’ve told us, the rando internet mob, about these specific desires but your partner is the one who needs this information. If impact play is something he hasn’t done before it is likely he need very clear presentation of enthusiastic consent for slapping. He’ll probably benefit from ongoing communication of consent, and then afterwards the dominant may need aftercare.
Understand that culturally, men are conditioned not ever to hit women and he may experience a serious downward emotional spiral which is triggered by this cultural expectation even if you were the one initiating this kind of play. This is sometimes called “top drop” or “dom drop”. You will need to be ready for that and do what you can to mitigate.
If you want to do build up to impact play, do it gradually and make certain your partner knows that he can stop whenever he needs to for his own emotional health. Likewise, you should never pressure a partner for any sexual or BDSM activity and never shame any person for safe-wording.
For more about this, you might post on one of the BDSM subreddits. I would recommend r/BDSMCommunity as one good option.
Personally, I would feel pretty inadequate if my gf would express these desires. I know that they are extremely common among women but it just doesn’t fit my personality. I would never be able to degrade a woman, even if it was in a role-playing scenario.
Show him some hookup hotshot videos. Bryan is very rough with those girls.
say it during sex.. in the heat of the moment. just talk nice to him. be like: “mmm oh yeah! fuck me harder… !!! slap me!”
ask for what you want and give good feedback to him. you got this.
You tell him
Today you have to be careful being a male dom. You really need to make sure 100% beyond reason of doubt you have the green light. So maybe he’s still feeling you out. Communication x10. If he got into it before with you, there is lots of potential. He clearly lacks the experience. Teach him
Also, consider researching the role of Service Top. Someone who does all of the topping things, and even including BDSM dynamics, but more out of a desire to please than to outright dominate. They can definitely bring the strong dom energy to play time, but it’s more of a role they put on and learn because it’s what their partner wants.
I resonate with your struggles to express your needs. I grew up sheltered and celibate for years in the church. Now being able to discover I’m way more of a top, and even getting genuinely into Domming with my current sub, is an empowering way for me to own my desires and know that my partner is truly happy to grant my wishes.
Show him. Next time you have sex tell him you are doing to be the dom and show him what you like. Then Tell him everything that you did to him you want done to you. If my wife would just do that I’d know exactly what she wants but instead she won’t and expects me to some how know what she wants. Just be straight up either tell him directly or show otherwise he won’t know. Also he might not want to do this every time you have sex but if you coach him and you return the favour I’m sure you guys will find a way that works well for both of you.
Hopefully he’ll get with the program and then start throwing hooks, uppercuts, and elbows
I recently met a woman who is like you and likes it rough, to be degraded, choked, hair pulled, used and told what to do in no uncertain terms. She had mentioned that so I became more assertive and more dominant. I was always afraid of going to far so I erres on the side of caution. After sex we would talk and she would say that she wanted it rougher and I could go harder. It was incremental. It took me out of my comfort zone but I started really enjoying.
Each time you have sex, compliment him on what it was that he did that you liked. “I really liked it when you told me to bend over and shut my mouth and you were very rough with me. It felt amazing and I just want more of it!”. Let him know that you want him to think of you as his plaything. But do it slowly and it should work just fine. I know I needed a lot if reassurance from my partner to know that she was okay afterwards, that she was enjoying herself and that she wanted to go harder still before I was comfortable. And have a safe word. For both of you. Just in case things get to be too much for one of you.
All good sex is built on communication. And there is nothing wrong with liking these things. If he sees it as pathetic or weird, then dump him, because he’s an asshole.