Hey Lads,
So my gf of 3 years has been casually dropping how hot she finds her favorite sportsmen in Football, Formula 1, etc.
Its getting to me because she’s never told me she finds me hot or complimented me in that way before.
Its kinnda poking at my well-defined insecurities and body image and making me feel a little betrayed.
To me she’s the hottest woman alive and i tell her this regularly, but i rarely hear anything back and its eating away at what little pride in myself i had left.
35 comments
>Its getting to me because she’s never told me she finds me hot or complimented me in that way before.
thats the problem,maybe you should find somebody that finds you hot like you do her.
A celebrity crush is a normal crush for someone with more money than you. It’s disrespectful and shouldn’t be something you tolerate in a relationship, ESPECIALLY if they seem to prefer them over you which is how it’s sounding
If she thinks about him and has sex with me, I am taking the win!
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When she never compliments you … Perhaps she ain‘t the one for you. Talk to her about it, she should be more considerate.
If its a little innocent crush, then I’d just look the other way.
If she’s doing what you are saying and using it to poke at your insecurities, then you either have to tell her how it makes you feel, or find someone who’s less of a bitch.
Not to get on the emotional side of things, but it sounds like she doesn’t speak your “love language.” My wife and I have dealt with something like this. She might think she’s doing everything to make you feel safe and secure but it’s doing nothing for you. A conversation with her about how her comments make you feel and what you need from her might go a long way. Look up love language if you’re curious about it
Is this legit?
I don’t know you relationship and she may well be the wrong person for you and maybe she is “betraying” you.
However if I were you I would concentrate your efforts on dealing with your own insecurities because that will follow you regardless of who you are with.
To the point that if someone says something positive you may think they are “insincere” and if they say something positive about a picture on the tv/screen you think they are making a jab at you.
Regardless I hope you are able to work your way through it all.
There is nothing wrong with having a celebrity crush. And in a healthy relationship you should be open to talk about everything.
Problem here is that she doesn’t think you are attractive.
I’d never be with someone who thought I was unattractive.
You talk to her and tell her.
Talk with her about this. Say exactly what bothers you and why it bothers you. To be honest I think you are not Jealous of her crushing on some celebrity but of the fact she doesn’t really appreciate you.
If she is an understanding and empathetic human being she will start appreciating you. If she invalidates your feelings, ignores them, laughs about them, or won’t appreciate you I think you will have to brake up. Unless you like being miserable. 3 years put into a relationship that is lacking in honesty and empathy is like buying a bucket full of holes and wanting to throw it out because you paid for it. It is a nice-looking bucket. But useless.
Before you make any drastic decisions talk to her first.
So it sounds the issue isn’t her celebrity crushes but that she doesn’t compliment you.
Why not tell her that?
“I like compliments too.” It is that easy.
Yeah mate, sorry to tell you but that behavior tells you that she isn’t that into you. Whatever you do, don’t wife her. Better yet, toss her to the street where she belongs. You deserve being treated better then what she does towards you.
I don’t think it’s wrong for her to have celebrity crushes but she should also be making sure that you know she’s attracted to YOU and why. If she were doing that, and you still felt threatened, I would think you’re being too insecure. But if she’s not communicating that to you, what you’re feeling is valid.
Return the favor: “While you’re blowing Tom Brady, I’m forearm deep in Beyonce’s asshole.”
Nothing wrong with expressing how celeb crushes are hot. But if she never tells you that then that’s quite sad. Have you tried to hit the gym and get a better body? That might help?
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Consider that this might be a shit test. She might be seeing if she can wound your pride, to see what you’re made of.
Next time she pulls this crap, try and make a joke out of it, say something that makes it clear that you know what she’s doing and you don’t give a fuck.
I have really big feet, so my go to response when a girl brought up how hot she thought some celebrity is, I’d just hold my foot up and say “But does he have feet this big? No I didn’t fucking think so”. Worked every time, made their comment seem dumb as fuck, test passed. Try it my guy
1.Start complementing and wooing over female celebrities and see what she does
2.Start flirting with more attractive women
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This all sounds like a you problem, not like a her problem.
Work on your insecurities. My wife has crushes too but I know what is the reality and infatuation with a celebrity.
Hard times are gonna come and she doesn’t even respect you in the good times
What? Finding each other hot is a must in a relationship. If my girlfriend didn’t think I look good and and sexy, hell, if she didn’t unpromted tell med that somewhat regularly, I would not possibly consider continuing my relationship with her.
Start lifting heavy shit 3-4 times a week. Better yourself. Then dump her and find someone who appreciates you for all that shit she doesn’t.
I would make a lighthearted comment like “but not as hot as me, right?” with a saucy wink, next time she makes those comments, it might be a way to lead into the conversation without starting off too seriously.
She may be like me, and have a totally different love language. I am told by my partner he finds me attractive but that means less to me than when he spends time with me. She possibly has no idea you feel this way And it would be sad to throw away a whole relationship because of what may be a misunderstanding.
OP, your gf’s behaviour is pretty immature and thoughtless in my book. You would think she would somewhat guided as to how you may prefer to operate in terms of how you behave, so fairly insensitive overall, but people are not mind-readers.
You should absolutely raise it with her. It doesn’t need to be from a place of insecurity on your part, you can just say that it feels disrespectful, you don’t enjoy it, and you would prefer if she didn’t continue.
Her reaction will be telling. If it’s ‘I’m sorry I had no idea, it won’t happen again’, you’re all good. If it’s ‘OMG how insecure are you?’, then you have a deeper problem.
I don’t care if she likes celebrities but if she always mentioning it that’s kind of annoying. My actual concern would that she complimenting you or possibly isn’t physically attracted to you. I think you need to have a convo. On the other hand, if she’s super hot and you’re fine with that arrangement then do what makes you happy.
Start doing the same thing. Wow look at the brains on that one. Honey do you think you will hold up as well as Salma Hayek has? I wish you looked as good on glasses as Zoe whatever her name is. When she gets all pissy just point out it does not feel good now does it.
Well, test what happens when you indicate *your* celebrity crushes.
Tell her about how you are feeling.
If something was bothering me like that then I’d say something, expect defensiveness if you say “your actions are XYZ”.
How good is your communication? Do you feel comfortable bringing up how insecure you feel? Do you feel like she is supportive of your vulnerability or dismiss your point of view?
From what I can see you really love her and I totally support you sticking to the relationship and not walking away when things are a little turbulent.. Reddit advice always seems to be the same “if they have a problem, leave them” which is kinda childish and much easier than stiiting down and having a talk with them about yourself.
Just from my personal experience and what I’ve read it kind of seems like you are a bit hesitant to rock the boat? Like if things aren’t good then they are bad so let’s keep things calm and not address the issues? I’d be interested to know how often you two talk about how you feel or even just about the relationship.
Whatever it is I’m sure you’ll figure it out, don’t feel like anything anyone says is right for you. Relationships are unique and there for your benefit, your happiness and to meet your needs.
If you had a stone in your shoe you would take the shoe off and get the stone out, you would want to work on making that shoe as comfortable as possible. Don’t just throw it out because of a fixable issue, walking without shoes is for monks and crazy people.
Is her F1 crush Leclerc?
Learn to lift, and lift a couple hours a week.
Generally, I don’t date women who gush over celebrities like teenage girls and disrespectfully talk about how hot other men are in front of me…but If a woman I was dating did it I wouldn’t let it bother me, I’d probably say “Stop, you can talk about that with your girlfriends but it’s disrespectful to do it in front of me” and then I’d drop it, and if she did it again I’d probably tell her I’m going to the strip club and “all is fair in love and war” but that’s just my degenerate way of dealing with things…lol I give one warning and if you cross the line a second time my retaliation is to either break up with you or go nuclear on your ass and find a way to do exactly what you’re doing to me X10 lol
Some guys will say “don’t worry about it, that’s insecure” but I’d argue that if something bothers you and you don’t communicate it and enforce some boundaries, that’s insecure because it means you’re afraid to lose her or look “insecure” if you communicate how you’re actually feeling…personally, I set my own values and boundaries and filter all my decisions through them, if a woman is disrespectful then I’m calling her out on it…if I lose her over it then so be it, at least I didn’t compromise the values that I set for myself and I don’t lose any sleep at night over BS like this…
50% of all answers on here will always be “leave the relationship” no matter what the question actually was.
I would talk to her and tell her that you feel she doesn’t value you enough. Make clear that you don’t have a problem with her commenting on celebs but she doesn’t do the same to you.
Maybe she’s also dropping not so subtle hints that you should take better care of yourself, I don’t know. But I think this is something that is best cleared up in a talk. You have mentioned that feeling a lot of pride in yourself and I’m not necessarily surprised. Pride is earned. If you start eating better and exercising more, you will be able to be proud for sticking with it even when things were hard.
I don’t know you guys’s current situation, so my guess might be way off.