they say to keep a healthy friendship you have to have no (or low) expectations as long as they’re generally good friends to you. I’m very good at this with not so close friends. whatever they do I never get disappointed/annoyed at them and I sincerely do give without expecting anything in return. but somehow I can’t seem to do this with my closest friends. when they’re not considerate enough/don’t voluntarily do things I would do for them without a doubt I just get so disappointed that I can sometimes even feel bitter. idk why I’m like this, close friends are the people you should show more grace to. I don’t understand myself.
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Nah I’m the same way. I have a strong idea of what best friends should do for each other and I hold my close friends to the same standards I hold myself.
Close friends are more than just social partners, they’re your tribe and you work together as a team to make the whole tribe’s life better – it’s a little mini commune.
I have a “tribe” and we’ve set up furniture and equipment, they’ve helped me move, we’ve saved each other from flats, given rides from the airport, helped each other buy cars and even houses, landed each other jobs – etc. We’ve enriched everyone in the tribe’s life and that’s how it should be.
Back to your point, if someone isn’t willing to match the basics (assuming they’re reasonable basics) then they’re not part of your tribe and you shouldn’t treat them as such.
The worst you could do is let selfish people into the tribe. They’ll ruin the thing for everyone. In the case of these friends, keep them at arm’s length and don’t treat them as best friends. You’ll find the right people eventually.