SO, I’ve noticed that friends don’t invite me to do anything anymore.
Bit of a background story: first of all, I’ve always felt like the odd one out, never really “part of the group”. As a kid, I had poor social skills, that I developped as a teen. Also, I was often bullied which made me think people were untrustworthy. A couple of years ago I had a burnout and withdrew from socializing for a while. I talked openly about it with everyone and they seemed to understand. Then the pandemic… I used to be a heavy drinker party girl and since 2019 I’ve cut out all of that; I don’t drink anymore but I still like to hang out, even if it’s in a bar. I just don’t rely on alcohol to have a good time anymore, and I am very proud of that.
I’ve talked about this to some of, what I call, close friends. They tell me that it’s my fault for withdrawing years ago and that I should make an effort to invite them to do things, and also that I’m crazy, that it’s not true what I feel. I even heavily leaned on the “invite me next time you have a games night, please. I would love to come”. But still, nothing changes.
I’ve tried, I organized dinners and game nights, but I just get the feeling that they don’t enjoy being with me anymore. They also discuss hangouts in group apps where I am not in and then tell me about the outings afterward like it was nothing. And say nothing when I respond “Oh, man! Why didn’t you invite me? I would have loved to come.” NOTHING.
My question is: am I crazy? Am I in the wrong? Can I do anything? I’m thinking about just giving up on my friends because they seem to never invite me, or just always forget. Maybe they don’t like me, I don’t know. Can someone help me shed a light on this?
5 comments
What happens when you follow their advice to take the lead and propose things to do?
I’ve felt the same way you do with my friends in the office. I always feel like they don’t like me or enjoy my company. True enough, they didn’t. BUT not because they didn’t like me for me. You see, because of the thoughts of “oh they dont like me” I acted differently. I felt like I made solid attempts to be more engaing and friendly, but truth was I wasn’t fully letting myself be open and vulnerable.
It sucked so I made a change. I started to just enjoy myself when I was with them and let go of the times I wasn’t a invited or a part of the fun. In a relatively short amount of time, they started inviting me more and more and I saw that they do enjoy company. I just had to stop overthinking, be myself, and let go of the negative thinking.
Last thing, make more friends. Easier said than done, but you still gotta make the effort. Can’t have your world revolve around a few people in your life. Anyway, hope this helps even in a little way.
The truth is there are things,places and people we will have to leave.This is not bad.
This is how the life make us better version of ourselves. Every time this gives us chance to complate over all that we have , the people who really care about us ,the opportunities we have around us. So open up and make new friends with your vibe. We have such a population you will find right people đ.
You can’t reclaim friends. They have stayed together and grew together. You left and in many ways are still gone. Your past has consequences. You don’t have to give up though. You need to make them friends as if it were brand new. Right now your claim to friendship is that you used to be their friend. So: build up an interesting life. Get involved with activities, hobbies, athletics. Learn to hike, bike camp, find cool places for lunch or great places to explore your area by car. That’s a life worth being interested in. I’ve always kept to myself but for several years I traveled as much as I could. I started getting dinner invites and party invites. I thought it was because I was out of town lots but it never stopped. Once I stopped traveling I took up martial arts and yoga. I bought a sewing machine and started to make clothes. I opened my own business. Suddenly I was managing my social life instead of wishing for one. You can do this too.
It sounds like they are trying to put the blame on you when you tell them you feel left out, but not in a fair way. They are calling you crazy?! And then telling you youâre feelings arenât justified. It sounds toxic to me.
If you feel left out, you feel left out. A good friend would listen and want to make things right. If they felt that youâve withdrawn, they could share that – gently and with concern.
Iâd reevaluate these friendships given what youâve said here. If you feel left out and they are name calling when you share your feelings, that doesnât sound like a friendship worth keeping.