Okay so my friend and I decided to move in together a few months ago, and our dynamic has always been great. However, over the last month I can’t help but think over a few things.
For context, majority of the furniture and appliances are his, but everything else is split down the middle.
So he’ll go to his 9-5 job everyday, and I work up to 40 hours a week. In the morning I’ll get up at 7 and take care of the dog, get his lunchbox ready, make him breakfast and coffee (I do all of this for myself too so I don’t mind doing it), then once he leaves I do all of the dishes, clean the house and leave for work. Most days I don’t get home until 10pm, and he’ll usually have dinner made. But the kitchen is an absolute mess, and I spend up to another hour just cleaning up the whole apartment, while he just sits on the couch. Like I said, I don’t mind doing it, but now it’s like he leaves the place a mess just because he knows I’ll clean it up anyway.
Along with that, he has always said he has “dark humour”, but he’s always making degrading jokes about how I’m a woman and I’m supposed to clean, etc. He says “you know I’m joking right?” but it is literally 24/7 and it’s starting to bother me.
6 comments
he’s clearly using you as if he’s a child and your his mother cleaning up after him. at the same time seems like you’ve made it out to be ok by continuing to act like his mommy for him. he’s a grown man, he should be capable to do all the things himself. let him know your not ok w it and his jokes clearly aren’t a joke.
The furniture and appliances will always be his and if he decides to move out he will take them with him but you doing 90% of the chores is not compensated, you both need to renegotiate the division of chores
Yeah, but so is yours. You don’t make lunch for a platonic roommate. You could take care of his dog for him if you enjoy the dog’s company as well. But you’ve crossed the line into becoming his housewife/mother and that’s just enabling him to fully embrace the misogynist he apparently is. This is a bad situation. Good luck.
It’s a red flag that you are doing everything for him, with no back bone or boundaries.
and now you’re getting annoyed that it’s not reciprocated.
Stop doing everything for him. That’s weird and just feeding into the idea that it’s “the woman’s job”.
You sound more like a emotionally abused house wife then a roomate
Funny how all these commenters seem to gloss over the fact that the guys cooking dinner for you. I think that you’re over analyzing the situation and his “dark humor” isn’t helping. Sounds like you guys have a pretty good situation going